Confidence Exposed: Unveiling The Truth About Confidence

Confidence can be a tricky feeling. There is lots of talk and information floating around about confidence, and often, it is presented as a magic elixir for success. To add to the confusion, building and maintaining confidence are typically vague in nature.

We often hear advice such as, "just go out there and have more confidence. Believe in yourself," as if there is some magic wand you can wave to conjure this incredible feeling of confidence whenever you want it.

While this advice is often well-meaning, it is typically not very helpful as it does not leave you with any practical tools to work with. In this month’s newsletter, we are going to tackle the truth about confidence. To help us out, we will be relying on information from Dr. Nate Zinsser, Performance Psychologist at West Point, and author of the incredible book, "The Confident Mind: A Battle-Tested Guide to Unshakeable Performance."

Confidence Lies and Misconceptions

In his book, Dr. Zinsser highlights five misconceptions about confidence that I am going to share. These misconceptions can really help us to lay a strong foundation of what confidence is not, so we can aim to build genuine confidence in the future.?

Number 1: Confidence is a Fixed Trait

This first notion revolves around the misconception that confidence is an innate trait; that we are either born with it or not. While it may seem that some individuals naturally possess confidence, the truth is that confidence is not an inherent quality. Instead, it is something that must be earned through personal evidence and experience. The foundation of confidence lies in one's actions and achievements.

The key takeaway is that confidence is not fixed, and you have the power to alter and enhance it over time by accumulating evidence of your abilities and accomplishments. It is a dynamic attribute that can be cultivated and strengthened with effort and determination.

Number 2: Confidence is All-Encompassing?

We often mistakenly believe that having a high level of confidence in one area or domain implies that we are equally confident in all aspects of life. However, this is not how confidence operates. For instance, being confident during a presentation does not automatically translate to confidence in playing chess, as these are distinct skills and do not guarantee overall confidence.

The key point to understand is that confidence can be developed in various areas, even if you don't begin with a high level of confidence. It is a skill that can be nurtured and grown through practice and experience. So, just because you may lack confidence in certain domains initially doesn't mean you cannot build it up over time.?

Number 3: Once You Are Confident, You Will Always Be Confident?

Absolutely not. I apologize, but that's not how things work. Confidence can be built up, but it can also be taken away just as easily. It's a delicate attribute that requires constant and diligent effort to maintain. The good news is that those of us who choose to concentrate on steadily building and nurturing our confidence will be in a much better position compared to those who believe once they have it, they possess it indefinitely.

Number 4: Once You Have Experienced Some Success Your Confidence is Guaranteed to Grow

The pivotal term in point number 4 is "guaranteed." Simply because you've experienced a measure of confidence due to a few instances of success or positive feedback doesn't inherently guarantee a perpetual boost in your confidence. What we frequently observe is that following some level of achievement and growing confidence, our attention often shifts towards our weaknesses and areas that need improvement. We drift away from the mindset that initially fostered our confidence – that is, concentrating on our achievements. The crux lies in recognizing that success alone doesn't singularly generate confidence; it's how you interpret and perceive that success that governs the extent of your confidence.

Number 5: Mistakes or Failure Erode Confidence

Experiencing failure, making mistakes, missing shots, or falling short in closing a sale can diminish confidence, but only if you allow it to. The crucial factor lies in your response to these setbacks. Delving further into this matter, it's important to understand that failure is an inherent aspect of the journey. Despite the dedication we put into practicing or striving for perfection, the truth remains that perfection is an unattainable goal. As such, failure becomes acceptable when we channel it constructively. The challenge arises when we fixate on the failure or continually replay it in our minds, perpetuating a cycle of negative thoughts.

Take Action

As we move into the upcoming section, these five lessons not only shed light on the dynamic nature of confidence but also set the stage for actionable steps we can take to cultivate and amplify our self-assurance.

1. Daily Wins:
2. Let's begin by ensuring that we establish a solid foundation for recognizing our achievements, creating an endless reservoir of memories to draw upon as proof of our successes. I personally employ two effective approaches for this purpose:

• Engaging in the formal practice of jotting down 3-5 victories before retiring for the night. These victories need not be monumental; the challenge is to uncover these 3-5 wins each and every day.
• At the conclusion of every meeting, call, conversation, workout session, game, etc, we mentally highlight 2-3 wins. Although this involves additional effort, it aids us in cultivating the habit of consistently seeking out and acknowledging our triumphs.

1. Failure as a Cue:?As we've previously discussed, setbacks are inevitable, and our aim is to avoid dwelling on these failures. Therefore, let's consider a less-than-ideal outcome as a prompt to recall a past success. This strategy complements the first action and ingeniously transforms failure into a source of confidence. When you find yourself fixating on a failure, seamlessly redirect your attention towards one of your previous triumphs. This approach is both uncomplicated and highly effective.
2. Never Negotiate with You:?This nugget of wisdom comes directly from the late Kobe Bryant, and it's a surefire method for cultivating confidence. Start by adopting the practice of honoring the commitments you make to yourself. If you decide to set your alarm for a specific time, ensure that you actually rise at that designated hour. If you commit to a workout, follow through and complete the session. These initial promises need not be grand in scale; the key is to consistently uphold them. As you adhere to these self-made commitments, your confidence in your ability to follow through will steadily grow. This foundation of evidence will empower you to gradually elevate the magnitude of your commitments, knowing you have a solid track record of success. Progressively, these small steps accumulate to substantial results.
3. Start with a Win:?I often emphasize the concept of "getting downhill" swiftly. What I'm driving at is the idea of accumulating small victories early in the day to establish momentum and set the ball rolling downhill. This could mean having a nutritious breakfast, engaging in a productive workout, or practicing mindfulness. The crucial notion is that initiating success at the start of the day makes it easier to maintain that winning streak. Preplan "how" you'll achieve that victory the evening before, then promptly execute it first thing in the morning.Remember, the journey towards your goals is built on consistent daily actions. By implementing these small steps, embracing occasional setbacks, and cultivating sustainable habits, you can create a path of progress and growth over time.

In conclusion, by incorporating these five actionable strategies into your daily routine, you're paving the way for an enhanced sense of confidence and accomplishment. Through the practice of acknowledging wins, transforming setbacks into cues for past successes, maintaining unwavering self-commitment, and kickstarting your day with a proactive victory, you're fostering a path of continuous progress and growth. As you forge ahead, remember that your journey towards your goals is constructed upon the bedrock of consistent daily actions. Embrace these small yet significant steps and witness the transformation they bring to your journey.

About Me

My name is Anthony Delonardo, and I've been passionate about high performance for as long as I can remember. Over the past 10+ years, I've immersed myself in the world of personal improvement, constantly seeking out tools and techniques that are backed by science and actually work.

Through my journey, I've gained a deep understanding of what makes the best performers tick and how they think about getting better.

Now, my goal is to share my insights and actionable steps with others, so they don't have to sift through the noise and trial and error that I did.

I believe that by building a like-minded community of individuals striving to improve themselves, we can create a better, more high-performing world.

In my professional life, I've held multiple senior management positions in sales, leading teams of professional sellers in a highly competitive industry. Through my experiences, I've honed techniques that work in high-pressure situations, leaving no room for anything that doesn't get results.

I'm thrilled to share my thoughts and ideas with you and thank you for joining our community.

Let's strive for greatness together.