Your Confidence: 9 Ways To Fake It 'Til You Make It

If you saw my recent post on how to perform under pressure, you’ll know that a lot of it is mental — psyching yourself up to do well can actually help you do well.

But let’s face it: there are always going to be situations that make us feel nervous or not quite on our game. Here are a few ways to fake that confident feeling, even when you’re not feeling it.

1. Stand up straight.
   Body language has a lot to do with how others perceive confidence. Try this: Stand up straight, throw back your shoulders, and lift your head. You can even put your hands on your hips. Feel a little like Superman or Wonder Woman? There’s a reason we associate that pose with superheroes! It oozes confidence. Plus, research shows that holding a “power pose” like this for as little as two minutes actually increases positive hormones in your body — and physically amps up your confidence.
   
   
2. Highlight your competence to feel confident.
   Many times, we are good at what we do — but it comes as second nature, and therefore we don’t notice it! A good way to build confidence over time is to keep a log of past successes — in your head, or on paper. Reviewing a list of successes before approaching a new task or situation can make you feel more confident in general.
   
   
3. Maintain eye contact.
   We’ve all been in an interview or other interaction where holding eye contact felt awkward or unnatural. If you ever feel that way, don’t necessarily look away, which can make you look shifty or nervous. Instead, try watching the person’s mouth, or even their nose or chin. This can help project the appearance that you’re still paying attention and engaged, without the awkwardness of direct eye contact. Of course, remember to look away when the conversation naturally breaks — you don’t want to look like you’re staring the person down!
   
   
4. Choose optimism.
   The glass isn’t half full or half empty — it’s both, depending on your point of view. You can choose to dwell on the negative or focus on the positive. When you want to come across as more confident than you feel, be sure to focus on the positive before and during the interaction. You can even couch the possibility of failure to yourself in a positive light: “Even if I mess this up, it will have been an amazing experience. I’ve learned so much.”
   
   
5. Get physical.
   When we’re feeling nervous, different parts of our bodies can tense up, and that tension can be felt by others. Try this: When you’re feeling nervous, stand up and try to identify where the feeling is in your body. Is it in your stomach? Your legs? Your shoulders? Once you’ve found it, take a few deep breaths and try to send the breath to that area of your body. Then try speaking from that part of your body. You’ll likely see and feel an immediate difference.
   
   
6. Project.
   If you have a tendency to pull back or mumble when you’re nervous, practice projecting your voice. Speak just a little louder than you normally would to compensate, and come across more confident. Don’t try to talk too much or direct the conversation. Pay attention and ask questions, and let the other person do most of the talking.
   
   
7. Upgrade your manners.
   Many people mistakenly believe that confidence is about drawing attention to themselves. Quite the opposite: the most confident people often direct the conversation to others. When you’re feeling nervous, try complimenting the other person. Even something as simple as, “I like your shoes,” or “That’s a nice tie,” can go a long way to easing the conversation. Likewise, pay attention if you have a propensity for making rude or mean jokes when you’re nervous. Lots of people try to cover for their nervousness with humor, but making fun of others doesn’t make you look confident; it makes you a bully.
   
   
8. Dress the part.
   When you look good, you feel good, so put on your best suit for an important presentation, wear your most expensive shoes or tie to an interview, or put on a pair of brightly colored socks or bold jewelry when you want to feel more confident. Make sure you also feel confident about all aspects of your appearance — from your hair, to the shine on your shoes, to the way your breath smells. Don’t let the little things throw you off.
   
   
9. Smile.
   Confident people tend to come across as positive and friendly. Smile, even when you don’t really feel like it. The physical act of smiling releases brain chemicals that will make you feel better, and might even quell some of your nervousness.

What are your best tips for projecting confidence when you’re feeling less than your best? I’d love to get some more tips and examples from you in the comments below.

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Bernard Marr is a bestselling business author and is globally recognized as an expert in strategy, performance management, analytics, KPIs and big data. His latest book is 'Big Data - Using Smart Big Data, Analytics and Metrics To Make Better Decisions and Improve Performance'.

You can read a free sample chapter here.

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