Confessions of a Working Mum - Chapter 12

Chapter 12 - Returning To Work

When I hugged my son goodbye before heading to work on my first day back at the office, my eyes filled with tears and a lump formed in my throat. This wasn't the first time I was leaving him, but it was the first time of many days to follow. This was going to be the new normal.?

The most asked question I had during my first few days at the office was "How does it feel to be back?" - a hard question to answer. On the one hand, I miss my child a lot. When I get home, he has gotten a lot more clingy and in the mornings, he cries when he sees me put on my coat because he now knows it means I am about to leave. Hearing him cry as I leave the house breaks my heart every time. I now hide in the hallway and try to sneak out...?

On the other hand, it has been (positively) strange and maybe even a little liberating to get to be myself again. From the now very scarce alone time I get on my commute, to the adult conversations that don't revolve around nap schedules, it has been a big change to the past year.?

While I eased myself in with a staggered return, every day in the office has been full of meetings and action points I've barely had enough time to note down, nevermind get started on. My to-do list is ever growing and I already have a number of projects I need to work on sooner rather than later. And all that is on top of generally finding my feet again in a new-ish role with a new team of direct reports and a number of new colleagues. The best way I have been able to describe how it's been for me so far is "a lot is different but nothing has changed", so while I know the business and the job I am doing, there is still quite a bit of new-ness to navigate.?

While I get used to this new work/life and try to balance the two, I try to remember my son. I learned a lot from him in the last year, but especially in the last few weeks. He has started to learn about stacking things. Whether he is using his hoops toy or a few tuna cans we give him to play with in the kitchen, he stacks them and then gives himself a little applause to celebrate. Every hoop and every tin gets a little celebration. I take that image with me when I go into work and I plan to be a little more like my beautiful, joyful little boy and celebrate myself, every stack of the way.?

TLDR: Balancing work, life, and motherhood is a complicated process that will take time, but I intend on taking it one stack at a time...

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Next up: Chapter 13 - The New Normal