Confessions of an Old Travel Softball Coach

I’m a dinosaur on the diamond. A dying breed in the softball world. A curmudgeon coaching 1st base in the setting sun and a bit too old to have a daughter on the team.

I started coaching when my only daughter was young and fell in love with the sport. Coaching softball was another way to connect with her and show that I care. When she graduated several years ago from high school along with eight of her college-bound teammates – before becoming a teacher – I could have bowed out having coached a dozen years.

Instead, I asked a fellow coach who was retiring if he knew of any college softball players with an interest in coaching. And when he suggested a recent college grad who had played in our program, I volunteered to be her assistant and teach her what I know about the sport. I didn’t know at the time that she would teach me so much more about coaching than I thought I knew. And I fell in love again with the game and the new players and the whole process of showcasing talented young student-athletes.

I learned that it was far more effective and motivating to care about the person than the player. I learned not to stress as much about the losses and bad umpire calls. I learned to appreciate the journey – the ebb and flow of the season. And I realized as I aged that every season had become more important to me than the last. Every practice and game were more valued as was my time with the team.

It was my dad, the former ball player, who encouraged me for years to be a volunteer. He’d say, “If you can give back and help just one person, you’ll never regret it.” That was 19 years ago. And includes the last seven seasons of getting up at 5 am to drive two hours to throw heavy balls in pre-game warmups to players who are not my daughter. I’ve coached teams in tournaments up the coast from Florida to New Hampshire. I’ve helped dozens of players earn college scholarships. I’ve watched two of my former players become college softball coaches. I directed our travel softball program as we grew to 12+ teams and earn a strong reputation throughout the state. Most important of all, I’ve helped players grow as people and turn into productive young adults who give back and make this world a better place.

I was with the team for a college showcase in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania when my mom passed away in Smithville, New Jersey. It had been a Hospice situation and mom didn’t know if I was with her that weekend. We ended up losing in the championship game, but I can tell you that mom was with me the entire time. And has been every day since.

These days, I can’t tell you what our record was over the past few years. It really doesn’t matter. What’s important, however, is that every player improved and contributed… and grew as a confident young woman ready for the next phase of her life. In the end, we gave them wonderful memories, life-long friendships and belief in themselves. We showed them the right way to play, the importance of being a great teammate, and how to pick themselves up and deal with the challenges of a game where even the best players fail 7 out of 10 times. Life lessons.

Most weekends you’ll find me out on the fields, teaching what I know, learning from younger coaches, honoring the memory of my parents, and cheering my heart out for people who are not my daughter, but feel like they could be.