Confessions of a jerk...

The title says it all. I was a jerk. I didn't know it at the time but now, it's why I work with leaders. Thankfully people who know me now would say otherwise.

My experience as a leader started young.

13 was the first time I was put into a leadership role. At 14 I had become a platoon commander in cadets and had plenty of bad examples to follow. Even at that time I showed a natural talent for leadership. My section, and later my platoon, consistently out-performed the other sections and the other platoons in everything from our grades to physical training and dress code.

Looking back the unit had a good culture that was co-created with trust, vulnerability and psychological safety within the platoon - in an organization that was anything but safe.

My path included leadership roles in almost every organization I was a part of. The trend of performance continued, the teams I led were consistently performing well and I was gaining confidence. Self-assured by results, reinforced by those who would benefit from a young tenacious leader.

I was also gaining a reputation for being able to “handle” tough managers and endure what would be considered abusive leadership when others couldn’t… or wouldn’t. I felt pride in my ability to put up with the punishment. Others quit and I doubled down. Physically, I would endure as well. Years later I learned I had broke my back twice and never took a day off work.

I would soldier on no matter what. But the cost was one that I didn’t know I was paying.

I was becoming the jerks I had to learned to endure.

My style began to look more like theirs and less like my own. Nobody was telling me, but I knew something was wrong.

I was getting great performance reviews, crushing targets and was getting promoted. Who would guess that I was failing the people that had to work with me?

As it turns out this is a well-studied problem.

Dunning and Kruger did a famous study on how people judged their own performance that showed that the people in the bottom 20% of a class consistently ranked their performance in the top 80%.

The graph looks something like this.

https://understandinginnovation.blog/2015/07/03/the-dunning-kruger-effect-in-innovation/

The key take-away is that great leaders are humble enough to question how they are doing and are always looking for ways to lead better.

The problem is that those in the bottom don’t know what they don’t know (Mt. Stupid). As people get closer to the top, they realize they don’t know it all and continually seek knowledge to achieve greater results.

This is a major problem for leaders. So, what changed for me?

Out of the blue I got fired…shortly after a stellar performance review. It was the best thing that could have happened.

Despite what the review said, at 25 I had become the guy that others had to endure. There were obviously some problems with the review process but deep down I knew I could have been better.

I didn’t think there was an issue to fix. I didn’t think I could do it another way. I didn’t have access to resources. I didn’t have appropriate mentors.

The bottom line: I thought leadership was about me and thought that the results showed I was a good leader…and I was wrong.

Achieving results doesn't always mean good leadership and getting better doesn't require getting fired first.

Fast forward 10 years and I spent those years un-learning jerk behaviour, seeking knowledge, testing it out and learning that leadership had less to do with me and more to do with those I lead.

I had the opportunity to work all over North America in high-pressure situations with new teams - in new cities - every month - for several years. I owned or operated different businesses and had some great leaders come in to my life that I could emulate. It was like cross-training for leadership and it was the most painful, challenging and rewarding journey of my life so far.

Trying to acknowledge bad habits and become a leader worth following takes self-reflection, vulnerability a comfort with being wrong and the confidence to fail. I often felt regret and shame but most often I feel grateful and lucky for a journey that has not been a smooth one.

Now I work with leaders at all levels because leaders who want to be great know they need to grow to succeed.

Why Leaders? Because the impact leaders have is exponential and it is an incredibly important role to have.

It works, not because I’m a great leader or because I'm perfect but because I am not and never will be and I can share what I've learned. But more than anything, I understand the struggle to do your best and still go to sleep wondering if you’re doing it right at all.

I want to provide what I didn’t have. Access to the self-understanding necessary to go from ignorance to competence and support the journey between the two.

Chances are, if you think you’re great you probably have more to learn.

But you could be great. And if you really want to be you will be willing to put in the work.

Neil Pretty

Owner of Modern Success