Confessions of a first time manager, 5 things I did wrong!

By the time you come out of business school you have taken countless classes on how to organize a team, motivate them, and ultimately manage people. That is why I was so confident in my ability to lead a team (translation: I had an ego, but I will get into that later). I thought I knew what I was doing, but quickly learned I was WRONG.

I fell into the trap many of us do when they get their first chance at a leadership position: I assumed I would be doing what I had always done, just with some extra responsibilities and authority. Unfortunately, that is not true. When you move into a management position, the game you play drastically changes.

Throughout my first year as a manager I have had countless struggles, including being tossed into situations I could never have imagined, and hitting more than a few rough patches. Fortunately, I was able to learn a few things along the way to make sure that all those struggles and challenges also came with some wins and growth.

Here are the 5 things I did wrong when I became a manager:

1. I thought I was smarter than I was

When you are young, ambitious, and have that killer instinct to win, you often get caught up in how quickly you are able to contribute to a team and rise through an organization. The problem is that this same ambition that got you there can quickly become your downfall.

I have always been an ambitious person, but the second I got a taste of "power" I let it go to my head. I thought that I was better and smarter than others, and I wanted other people to recognize those things about me.

When you think you are the smartest or most talented person in the room, you overestimate your ability and you stop learning.

When you begin to believe you are the best, you overestimate your ability. You stop checking all the facts and stop looking for better ways to solve a problem because you "just know". I let my ego inflate and fell into this trap.

It was not until I had a co-worker call me an ass-hole to my face (thank you, you know who you are) that I was able to look in the mirror and see something other than what I wanted to see.

I wish I knew:

That my ego would come to destroy me as quickly as it did. I wish I understood that you always need to remain a student. Look for ways to improve from your teammates and people you admire.

I wish I had this book: Ego is the Enemy - Ryan Holiday

2. I did not take responsibility

One line that has stuck with me my whole life is a quote from an unlikely movie, A Bugs Life. When the princess tries to move the blame from herself to Flik, Hopper responds with "The first rule of leadership: everything is your fault."

The first rule of leadership: everything is your fault - Hopper, A Bugs Life

This quote may seem like a bit of an exaggeration, but when it comes to the performance and well being of your team, it is absolutely true.

When I first took on more leadership I would quickly look for any reason beyond myself to explain why something was not going according to plan. It was so and so's fault or it was because we had no control over it. In most cases a lack of result can be explained all the way back to you. Be sure that you understand the role you play in every project that is started.

I wish I knew:

How much of what was going on was really my fault and not due to other people or circumstances.

I wish I had this book: Leaders Eat Last - Simon Sinek

3. I told people what to do

Some of you might read this and think, "Isn't telling people what to do the job of a manager?" Even though many people manage this way for their entire career, I have found this to be really ineffective.

When you are telling someone what to do you are turning work into tasks rather than meaningful projects that accomplish a goal. This leads to boredom and turnover, but even worse it creates a dependence on you as the manager. It is your job to get the most out of the team, not to tell them exactly what to do.

Teach don't tell. You do this by asking more questions, and making less statements.

Even though it feels really really good to come to the rescue of your team with a brilliant solution, it is also not helpful to the greater good. Rather than teaching your team how to approach and tackle these problems themselves, you are simply telling them how to do it, stopping them from being set up for long term success.

Do your best to remove statements from your conversations and replace them with questions that will deepen understanding.

I wish I knew:

That jumping in to tell people how to do something would not only take up more of my time, but make the team less effective in the process.

I wish I had this book: The Coaching Habit - Micheal Bungay Stainer

4. I would jump in to do the work myself

The allure of just jumping in to do the work yourself is the biggest temptation that every manager faces. On one hand, you could go through hours and hours of explanation to help your team get something done. On the other hand, you could just fix it yourself and get it over with.

This is by far the most dangerous mistake on this list, and unfortunately it's the one that took me the longest to figure out.

Doing the work yourself will always be a quicker option while people are learning, but it does not scale. What happens when you add another member to your team, or your team doubles? Are you going to do the work of a team of 15? You can't!

Doing the work when someone messes up is faster now but crippling long term.

Looking through a completed project and seeing that it is not what you were expecting is one of the worst feelings as a manager. Instead of looking at the completed project, take a look at it 20% of the way.

Ask your team to answer a few key questions before they take a project to completion.

1. What is the problem you are solving?
2. Why is this a problem worth solving?
3. How will you solve it?
4. Who needs to be involved?

Answers to these questions will let you know if that team member is on the right track early. By looking at the project at this stage, you are able to course correct before too much time has been invested. Remember: it is much easier to change a house on the blueprints than it is once it is built.

I wish I knew:

That you should always check on projects early. It is always easier and cheaper to course correct at the beginning. At the end of the day, it is easier to help someone define the project than it is to comb through the details after they have completed it.

I wish I had this book: High Output Management - Andrew Grove

5. I thought change would be easy

This one is pretty self explanatory. Changing a team, changing yourself, or changing an organization does not happen overnight. Persistence and consistency is key.

I wish I knew:

How to be more patient with people. I have a tendency to rush people to a result or a way of thinking, but I now know that it requires time for people to process, respond, and act.

I wish I had this book: Rise - Patty Azzarello

Thanks for reading and letting me share some my experiences with you! If you have any other pieces of advice you wish you knew when you started managing others, leave them in the comments.

If you have a leadership or personal development book you would recommend, leave it in the comments as well and I will be sure to give it a read.

Book list:

Ego is the Enemy

Leaders Eat Last

The Coaching Habit

High Output Management

Rise