Confessions of a Designer and a Recovering People Pleaser

How I'm still learning and growing, but each step forward helps me align my passion for design with the respect it deserves—both from myself and from others.

*Dreamy Sigh* Design

I love design. I love how it transforms abstract ideas into tangible visuals that communicate, persuade, and inspire. I particularly enjoy the process of solving problems, exploring possibilities, and bringing a vision to life. And yes, I love some good eye candy too.

But I have a confession to make: I am a chronic people pleaser. And I don’t love how this trait affects my work in design.        

I struggle to say no to requests, even when they’re unreasonable, irrelevant, or devalue the craft. I’ve often sacrificed my own time, energy, and standards to make others happy, even at the expense of the project’s quality.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how this has impacted me in the past, how I’ve been working on overcoming my people-pleasing habit, and how, now that I’m responsible for the workload of other designers, learning to say “no” and negotiate effectively is more important than ever.

The Side Effects of Designing to Please Others

People-pleasing might seem like a noble trait, but it can have negative consequences for both myself and my work. Here are a few situations I’ve experienced:

• Being overloaded with work because I agreed to take on too many projects or tasks outside my scope or expertise.
• Being undervalued or underpaid because I didn’t negotiate my worth or set clear boundaries with clients or stakeholders.
• Feeling frustrated or unhappy because I didn’t express my opinions or feedback.
• Burning out or experiencing stress because I didn’t prioritize my well-being or balance my personal and professional life.
• Watching a project take much longer than necessary by trying to incorporate feedback that ultimately damaged the design’s goal, leading to revisiting the work.

These situations not only affected my mental and physical health but also the quality and impact of my designs. I realized that by trying to please everyone, I was pleasing no one—especially not myself.

And I never want to subject my team to any of this because of my inability to say no.

Establishing Boundaries

As I’ve progressed in my career and begin to transition to a leadership role, I realized I needed to change my mindset and behaviour.

I had to learn to say no or negotiate better because, while I might have been willing to suffer for my own choices, I couldn’t let my bad habits affect my team. It’s my job to protect them from unrealistic or unfair demands.

Practicing effective and confident communication has been crucial. I’ve had to overcome my fear of being perceived negatively or risking “not being liked” just because I had to say no to a request. Educating others about the value and process of design has become a key part of my role.

Becoming a Better Design Advocate

Last year, I attended a Design Conference in Toronto, where I encountered the concept of being a design advocate—not just for myself and my team, but for the designers who will follow in our footsteps.

Being a design advocate means taking responsibility for educating non-designers on how to engage with the design process effectively. This includes guiding them on making appropriate requests, crafting well-written briefs, and providing constructive feedback. If we allow, or worse, enable others to "abuse" the design profession by making unreasonable demands or offering unhelpful critiques, they will never learn to respect the craft. It’s our duty to foster a culture that values and understands the true role of design.

Embracing Growth and Setting Boundaries

My journey as a designer and a recovering people pleaser has taught me valuable lessons about balancing passion with self-respect. While the urge to please others can be strong, it’s essential to recognize the impact it has on our well-being, our work, and our profession.

Here are some key lessons I’m continuing to practice:

• Set Clear Boundaries: Protect your time, energy, and creativity by setting clear limits with clients and stakeholders. This not only preserves your well-being but also ensures the quality of your work.
• Learn to Say No: Saying "no" or negotiating terms isn’t about being difficult; it’s about maintaining the integrity of your work and preventing burnout.
• Communicate Your Value: Educate others on the design process, setting expectations around what is realistic and appropriate. This helps non-designers understand and respect the craft.
• Advocate for the Profession: As a leader, take on the responsibility of advocating for design, not just for yourself, but for the future of the profession. Teach others how to engage with design thoughtfully and respectfully.

Thanks for reading.