Confessions of a (almost) elder professional

This is a form of catharsis.

I have navigated my professional life according to a mix of will and necessity. I began my working life as an adult by being a DJ, a bouncer, and a photographer. I never achieved much success in these areas, as the market was already saturated and digital was rapidly taking over. When I discovered the World Wide Web, I taught myself how to create websites, primarily to showcase my photography to a wider audience. At the same time, I started working as a helpdesk technician in IT.

I continued to develop my skills in web development and soon realised it was a promising way to build a new career and provide for my growing family. Before long, I progressed to become a web coordinator, then a development supervisor, and suddenly, a CTO. What a ride! But suits and ties were not my thing, so I stepped back. Meanwhile, technology had evolved—.Net had arrived, along with WCF. But as a PHP person, it wasn’t for me, and to be honest, I wasn’t particularly good at it. However, project management suited me well. I could learn, lead, and create, and I did just that. Initially, I worked in the traditional PMI-based way, and since 2009, I’ve focused on Agile after my first encounter with Scrum. It was relatively new at the time and paid very well.

Since then, I’ve been exploring and studying Agile in all its forms and disciplines—from processes to frameworks, methods, practices, and tools. I’ve managed projects, products, teams, people, organisations, and systems. I fell in love with Agile. I started to advocate for it—perhaps too zealously—and then began speaking about it, and soon after, teaching it. But I’m by no means an authority on any specific subject. Even when I’ve held leadership roles, I can honestly say I’ve learned more from others than they could ever learn from me. What I teach is mostly what you can find online or in books, aside from my personal experience. Every day, through exchanging experiences, reading, and discussions on LinkedIn, I learn. I read as much as possible—I love novels—and, at 51 years old, I’m still learning like a child.

However, I’m a flawed human being, with plenty of issues, and I can honestly say that even though I initially chose this professional path for its financial rewards, I would do it all over again because I love it every single day. Even when I’m unemployed and my mind races to find focus on the positives, I remain committed. I’ve suffered from imposter syndrome for as long as I can remember, and I’ve never been able to save enough for a rainy day. So I live day by day, without much chance to build anything beyond what I’ve already achieved. And I know I’ve accomplished a lot, but it never feels like enough.

Building a career today is quite different from how it was in the past. So too is the state of people's mental health. We are never perfect; we are human beings. Regardless of country, role, industry, culture, race, religion, sports team allegiance, politics, or whatever other current divisive trend—many of which are completely ridiculous—men and women are flawed. And we should be able to address this openly. Sometimes I feel terrible. It doesn’t mean I’m not worthy or that I have no value. Sometimes I cry; I am emotional. Can’t I be that and still be a good professional? A good person?

I believe that my freedom stops where other people’s begins. I must accept to be accepted, and vice versa. To earn my respect, you need to show respect, just as I must do the same. This applies to every state of mind, every type of personal issue or crisis.

We live in a society that has become increasingly divided, with people filled with growing hatred, engaging in mostly nonsensical discussions. This isn’t really a two-sided issue; there are many grey areas. And it’s affecting everything. We’re heading towards some sort of rupture, really.

OK, back on topic. My point is this: as I’ve reached half a century of life experience and over 30 years of professional experience, I’ve come to the following conclusions:

1. Yes, I need a well-paying job— three daughters and some health issues is expensive;

2. Yes, I have to strive to be the best at what I do;

3. I wish I’d known more about Ikigai when I started this path—some choices would have been different;

4. Don’t cry over spilt milk. Learn from your bad choices;

5. In the end, even if you’re remembered for your work, it’s how your loved ones remember you that truly matters;

6. Never underestimate the importance of your mental health;

7. Last but not least, and simply because I love the number 7, whatever your knowledge, it’s never enough, and you mustn’t keep it to yourself. Share it, always.

I hope this rambling confession of sorts has provided some insights—not only into my mind, but also into your own life. Thank you.

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This text was corrected for my bad english using ChatGPT-4o