Confession of an Idealist
I’m an idealist.
Everything I do, I strive to achieve an ideal outcome.
I will do my utmost in any circumstances. If I have not exhausted all my energy, resources, and spirit, I don't stop.
However, that doesn't mean I'm a perfectionist. Perfectionist strives for perfection. Regardless one's limit, so long the outcome is imperfect. Imperfect is imperfect. Period. No satisfaction, no glory, no joy, even the outcome has a trivial glitch.
Sometimes, I do blame myself or feel unsatisfied with the outcome. But, I only, feel dissatisfied if I knew I didn't do my best.
A perfectionist, cares nothing but the outcome. Sometimes the standard is so high that none of his/her partner can achieve, even the perfectionist oneself. And even if one can achieve, one could easily become critical to others, become demanding to others, which makes people around him/her suffocate.
Yes, I may be pushy to others. But, only to their best, not mine. Because If they have done their version of best, with my version of best, then the outcome, will be in everybody's version of best. That's what I mean, ideal outcome. An ideal outcome embraces the circumstances we face, the resources we have, and the conditions we endure. In the end, it's only reasonable to say "good job" to everybody, including to myself.
Perfectionist will beat one's up for any failure, which is almost impossible not to fail in life. One will only seek for universal standard. Perfectionist expects greatness, but in reality, things start from small. Perfectionist seeks for great leap, but in reality, growth happens step-by-step. A binaural definition of perfection and imperfection, success and failure, leads one to procrastinate. But procrastination leaves no room to approach problems incrementally, which then leads to the crave of bigger leaps. Bigger leaps, leads to greater expectations, and here we go again. A never ending chain that repeats itself. A perfectionist will only become more and more stubborn, disregarding to others, and ultimately, lonely.
Similar to perfectionist, I will keep iterate for better result, keep improving whatever it can become, even revisit it again after the work is done. But I believe, it is the process that determines the result. If the process is in its best condition, no doubt the outcome will be in its best form (aka ideal form). If the process fully exhaust me, I'll be grateful and proud of whatever I have done. I will narcissistically admire the outcome. Even though, the result may not be as great as the celebrity level. But, it's great enough for me. So, I'm happy. In contrary, if I failed to commit fully, I hold back for some reason, or couldn't offer everything I could have, given the outcome is good in others' standard, I would still feel bad eventually.
It is the state that I'm trying to achieve, state of on going process of improvement. No stopping.
Thus, I'm only interested an outcome that is as good as it can get.
Thus, I am proud to be an idealist.