Confession is important for Gratitude Sake

by Chester Elton

We’ve written often about the concept of “Assume Positive Intent.” We teach it in our speaking sessions around the world (now mostly virtual). And yet there are times I do not practice what I preach.

There I was this week, on the phone with a customer service rep about my satellite WiFi, and I wasn’t getting anything more than the standard rote, out-of-the-book, answers. “This is policy,” and “I can’t connect you with dispatch.” It was frustrating. This was the third call of the day, with multiple transfers and holds, and a rare day off was being spent waiting … and fuming. Finally, I let the rep have it. “Look, I know you are following your script, but this isn’t helping me!”

I didn’t lose my temper. I didn’t turn into THAT guy, but it was close. As I caught my breath, I learned a valuable lesson.

As a little background, Assume Positive Intent is a way to lead and live where you believe most people want to do the right thing, and they really are trying to do their best. It’s a mindset where you assume others are not operating under an agenda or trying to game the system. You also recognize that honest mistakes will happen, and they are not an attempt to ruin your life but a genuine slip-up. Stuff happens.

When you Assume Positive Intent, you greet each mistake by focusing on solving the problem instead of assigning blame. We find this mindset is not only an incredibly effective skill to build more engaged teams, but is a really good way to live. The oppositive is to Assume Negative Intent, and then everyone loses. You get angry over simple mistakes, you question the motives of others, and pretty soon everyone around you thinks you are a jerk.

Okay, what’s the takeaway over my little tizzy? As leaders, we will never, ever be perfect at practicing what we preach. We are human; we’ll make mistakes. What’s important is that we catch ourselves, sincerely apologize, and learn from the misstep and move on. When you learn to forgive yourself you can make tomorrow a better day.

And hey, whether at work or home, we can all use a little more forgiveness. That’s also a big part of Assuming Positive Intent. After all, our significant others don’t hate us because they snap at us, they are just having a tough day; our colleagues aren’t trying to bring us down because they won’t return our emails, they are just busy. When we assume positive motives, we work on solving the problem, forgive, and move forward.

I can hear your challenges. And of course, things aren’t always as simple as I’m making them out. Yes, egos can get involved, and things can get complicated. And I know there is a small percentage of the human population that does have agendas and are nasty people. But life’s too short to worry about the small percent who may take advantage. Pretty soon they’ll show their colors and you won’t have to work with them anymore, anyway.

Back to my story: After I gave the customer service rep a hard time, I got a call from the dispatcher, Candy, and got a do-over. Candy was as sweet as her name implies, and I was my better self: Calm, happy, and grateful. We set up a service call, and the tech arrived and solved my problem.

If they’d talked about this grumpy guy back at headquarters, I was none the wiser (wait, that’s not assuming positive intent!).

The moral: We all have days where we are not our best selves. Make it right and move forward with more gratitude.

Leading with Gratitude on LinkedIn LIVE streaming every Thursday at 1 pm ET. I hope you will join us!

        

I have a fun LIVE broadcast on LinkedIn every Thursday at 1 pm ET aptly named, "Leading with Gratitude". My goal is to bring you great information every week from amazing guests. I hope you'll check it out!

Thursday, September 3rd Scott Schimmel -?With a professional background in higher education, nonprofits and leadership development, he designs curriculum, speaks frequently, writes, coaches and consults with school leaders to create cultures where every kid thrives.

Thursday, September 10th Sal Vergara - Vice President & Managing Director/Human Capital & People Strategy Professional/Founder of hrQ In-Transformation Network Dallas/Co-Host of The DOPE Experience Podcast

Thursday, September 17 Jeff Kirschner - Founder & CEO of Litterati, a global community working to create a litter-free planet.

Thursday, September 24th -?Nick Bradley?- Business Growth Specialist!?Nick helps entrepreneurs & investors transform good companies into great ones. He's a Speaker, Coach and Host of “Scale Up Your Business” podcast

The Gratitude Journal?is a your place to find tools to create an all-in culture, at work and at home.

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Chester Elton has spent two decades helping clients engage their employees to execute on strategy, vision, and values. His work is supported by research with more than 1 million working adults, revealing the proven secrets behind high-performance cultures and teams. They are the founders of The Culture Works, a global training company.

Our new book,?Leading with Gratitude,?is available wherever fine books are sold. Visit "Leading with Gratitude" for resources including videos, podcast episodes, and more tips and tools to build a culture of gratitude.

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