Conditioning Communication Pathways for Constructive Criticism.

People are very different in many dimensions. Even when we come from a similar background, the array of different influences and experiences shapes each of us in a unique way. Therefore, the diversity of background results in a massive challenge with regard to any communications. However, when trying to delivering well-meant constructive criticism, a myriad of other challenges is presented. While we all like to hear compliments and praise, the opposite is true for criticism or “negative” feedback. I have found via trial and many errors that there are a couple of sure fire ways to get your peers, reports, and superiors to at least consider your critiques.

First and foremost, if you sincerely care about the person you are giving the feedback to, it helps to put the feedback into that context. This means that if the receiver understands the intention (i.e. to make them more promotable or to avoid a lower performance appraisal), they will be more willing to consider the feedback. Let’s face it; often times giving the critical feedback in a calm constructive way is just as hard as or harder than receiving it. I know this seems ironic, but have you ever had negative feedback that has been given to you in anger or frustration? Giving difficult feedback takes considerable time to prepare and sometimes if the receiver is avoiding the message, I remind them of the investment I have made to get to the conversation. This is why many managers struggle to provide solid direct feedback.

Even if you have a respectful relationship and you have prepared well, it has been tested many times over that you need to go one step farther to effectively deliver a constructive but critical message. It must be remembered that to truly hear the constructive criticism, you need to open the communication path with regard to feedback. This “opening” occurs by providing many more positive feedback references than critical ones. This conditions the person to really listen to your comments instead of expecting a negative critique and just shutting down. Often times, we tend to get overwhelmed by our daily tasks or solid performance is the “expectation” and as a result, we forget to reinforce the positive performance or aspects of our peers. This lack of positive feedback is like shutting the communication pathway. Remember that sincere criticism when delivered among a regular beat of positive reinforcement underpinned by a caring environment is the key to getting your well-intended critiques to be heard and internalised.

While people are far more complicated than animals, the following simple example shows how an animal’s behavior can be shaped. Note: I am not implying that your peers are as simple as dogs, but rather just illustrating that an expectation can be altered. I was amazed by a new dog owner with young children. The parents were very concerned that inevitably, the kids were going to reach for the dog’s handle (known by adults as its “tail”). To prevent a negative reaction, the owner would gently pull the dog’s tail and with a treat in the other hand, quickly reward the dog when it turned around. After some time, the dog became insensitive to the tug on its tail and became rather accustomed to the reward. In fact, the children did pull the dog’s tail and the dog would run to the owner looking for the treat. While this example is simple, it was a concrete example that I would keep in my mind to remember that communication is all about conditioning the pathway.