Conceding to a race only tells the world……......How Trump can learn from an 8 year-old

On a sunny November afternoon, my son, Bronson, was taking a tennis lesson at our local middle school. The tennis program was a 6 week skills curriculum that was affordable, safe and an opportunity for all children in our school district to learn tennis and have fun. The students practiced social distancing, everybody wore masks, and the kids loved the concept of learning tennis and understanding competition. The instructors would organize forehand drills, back hand swings, ball placement workouts and also conducted a race at the end of each session to assess for speed. Bronson had been a model student and one of the top tennis pupils in class. Moreover, my son had been in the program for 2 years and had been the “King of the Hill” when it came to the individual races. He has won every race, at every time he was on the court. Bronson emulated the superhero, Flash, and would just dramatically run at a high speed, beating his peers in great lengths. He would “run the table” every time the group had a race. In fact, I plan to enroll him in track and field at a later age due to his fast and lightning speed. I need to give him options based upon his strengths. 

Parents should look at their child’s strengths and build upon them with opportunities.

Bronson would win every race during tennis lessons by at least 2-3 lengths every time for the past year and a half until he met…Maddie.  Maddie was a grade older and was a competitive tennis student. This fall, the first time the tennis group had a race, my son and Maddie ended as the finalists and the race was proclaimed a tie. The next week they raced, the competition got tighter and the race resulted in another tie. The following week, it would be another nail biter and it ended in yet another tie. The last week of the tennis program, Bronson and Maddie finally met again in the finals and the outcome was different. Bronson was off his game and had a rough start and Maddie, conclusively, beat him fair and square by one length at the final race. It came as a shock and the instructors and students were stunned that Maddie beat Bronson and that there was a new “Queen of the Hill” at the Voorhees CER tennis program. The CER Tennis program had a new winner this fall! My son was upset after the loss and he had to lick his wounds and find solace with me as I comforted him and explained to him about the art of losing. I told him 3 things:

1) He had been the champion for a long time and I am proud that he ran a tight race. There might be someone better than him in life, but I told him that if you practice hard enough, you will eventually beat your competition. He still has the opportunity to beat her in the spring. 

2) After losing for the first time, I had a talk to my son and told him that I was proud of him, but I didn’t want his ego to get the best of him. Losing is a part of life. We win some days and we lose some days.

3) After losing the final race, I explained that he should congratulate the winner and thank them for the opportunity to race them. Concede to the winner and be humble because Maddie brought out the best in you. 

Losing is tough and it can rattle your psyche. Every person handles losing and disappointment in many different ways. Some losses are traumatic and monumental and other losses are minimal. People are complicated and have their own issues on losing, but I wanted to teach my child about putting his ego aside and being aware of his reaction and thoughts towards losing the race to Maddie. He needed to understand that losing was normal and that had to accept an outcome that he might not want to accept. He had to become conscious of the fact that his ability to accept life’s outcomes for better or worse, greatly impacts his ability to understand his strengths and weaknesses, thereby provide direction and insight into areas that require attention. It gave him an opportunity to look at things in a broader range and develop his sense of self through an experience of losing a race. A child can be taught these principles through parents or learn the lessons through experiences and lifetime events on their own. After losing the race, Bronson is developing awareness and a conscious about himself and how to forge appropriate relationships with other people in his life. It was a great teachable moment where he learned that his feelings of disappoint were valid, but it didn’t make him a weak person. It just made him realize the concept of ego and how that impacts his relationships with other people in his life. Accepting the loss will give him awareness and insight into himself as a growing individual. And He knows that I love him…..  

Synonymous to the current Presidential race, the American nation is still dealing with legal battles over electoral count and fraud. It’s sad when our leader is not conceding to a race that is legitimate and verified by a winner through the states. If my 8 year old son is able to process losing a race and can congratulate a new champion, an adult should also be expected to handle himself according to the same lessons that we teach our children. Perhaps Bronson could teach President Trump a thing or two. Bronson is developing a consciousness and ability to process that he lost his race after being the “King of the Hill” for so long. He found a state of contentment and acceptance that Maddie won the race. Bronson is at peace with the outcome. He held a magnanimous spirit and rewarded her with kindness. I took a picture of both of them after the event. Bronson will, however, attempt to beat her next spring. That’s what competition is about. Conceding to a loss only generates a stronger ego to build on because my son learned that he has strength in losing.

Dr. Roy Alabado is a single parent and has a children’s book-Live Life Like Bronson-Miami Dreaming. You can find him at livelifelikebronson.com You can see more videos of Bronson’s races on Instagram at Livelifelikebronson