Con – Flict...

Oftentimes if we really think about it, every time we may have had an argument or openly expressed disagreement in real time, without really pausing to think or ponder. It could have been at work with a colleague or even a manager or in personal life with a friend or a peer. If you really remember, the probability that you came out of the heat of the situation feeling worse than before you got into it is very high. Sometimes, it can affect us for many hours or even days at times and make us feel a bit off, wishing we had never said something or spent time with the person.

Oftentimes, once these sorts of events have passed, chances are that the damage usually has been done, there will have been some sort of strain that has been placed on the relationship and this can be especially more hurtful if there were other bystanders present. Conflicts, they draw us into unstructured delivery of statements and arguments, which at times are not based on facts or even relevant. Conflicts trick us into inflicting personal damage onto the opposition and ourselves. Our brains search high and low for things to say that inadvertently inflict damage, but do not pause to see that we are actually being conned into inflicting self damage by lowering our ability to be rational and have a sensible exchange of opinions as opposed to an argument.

One thing that is common and readily available with everyone is opinion. Opinions are not facts but subjective facts, people can be hell bent on believing that their opinion is a fact albeit if only to themselves. Which is why there are so many distinctions and classifications based on the differences in opinion. There are theists, atheists, political, apolitical people and the list goes on and on and on. The point is that, opinions and opinionated people are allowed to coexist and believe in what they chose to believe. There is very little supreme truth, because it always boils down to how you can be sure, how do you know. There are always going to be people that believe that the Earth is a sphere and there are also going to be people who believe that you can fall off the face of the Earth if you reach the flat end of it. (SMH)

At the same time, we human beings love common ground, we would love it if everyone saw what we saw, if we were?agreed to all the time, because surely our subjectiveness is better than other people's subjectiveness. We start off with a harmless intent of finding common ground and trying to explain why our common ground is the best ground, fertile with lush green grass but we forget that the grass could be greener on the other side as well and that we may have never even seen the other side. Which is why we defend and try to convince everyone that our views are penultimate. A wild cat would never see eye to eye with a domesticated cat although they are literally the same species and family, they would definitely never understand each other because of the conditioning they were subjected to.

Know this subjugation now, the best course of action the next time we feel the inherent need to argue pull up a google search, prove subjective facts based on an article published on a website, somewhere that someone wrote, to teach people a thing or two and twisting it to win arguments to feel victory for but a mere second. It would bode quite well to remember the strain that we are inflicting both upon ourselves as well the other person or people involved. It is good practice, to constantly stay aware of ourselves and notice how and when we get drawn into arguments and actively take a deep breath and let it go and just agree to disagree.

Now in a professional setting, this becomes even more important, it can literally break your career and have to scourge for a new role or a new job to start fresh. The damage or strain inflicted in a professional setting cannot really be escaped from unless you are high up in the corporate chain and do not have to worry about it. Oftentimes, we believe that we are better than we really are, to be doing what has been assigned to us. We forget the bigger picture and we sort of focus on how it affects us personally. But in a professional setting, we are part of something bigger, we are part of a business that has its own interests which is quite important, as opposed to personal agendas as it is not really us, that make the money but the business that makes the money. This makes it even more important to try not to add resistance, to the ability of the business to function and to try and be a soldier, that follows, respects and would not mind being part of a whole.

So the next time you find yourself slipping into the void of having an argument or a discussion even, where your agenda is to prove a point, take a deep breath, step back and listen. Remember that confidence is silent and the ego is loud. This is essentially a highway to inner peace. We should really stop conning ourselves and inflicting damage on ourselves and stick to taking the highway.

“If you become angry with me and I don't feel insulted nor accept your hostility, the anger falls back on you, as it was initially yours to give. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you've done is hurt yourself.”

-Siddhartha Gautama (Buddha)

See you on the next one :)