Completing the First Draft: A Reflection

2018 . . . the year I wrote what I thought would be a completed first draft. It was only eight chapters.

The moment I couldn't type anymore felt like golf ball-sized hail raining down on me.?

Over dramatic? Maybe.

The actual feeling? Most definitely.

Figuring out where to go from there was like moving jigsaw pieces. I downgraded from a global affairs major to a minor. Upgraded to a bachelor of arts in creative writing, and thus began my obsession.

My mission: become a better writer.

Fall 2018: I returned to campus with my brain on E. My forced writing and low energy didn't mix well with the "creative" in creative writing. I had to unclog the chambers inside my brain.

I started small; reading Save the Cat Writes a Novel by Jessica Brody and watching "How to Write" videos on YouTube. Each page turned and minute watched ignited a new idea. My characters resurrected but I was only one step into the journey.

2019 and 2020: the years of short stories, poetry, and nonfiction. Coursework transitioned from foreign policy to how bad can a peer hurt my feelings when they critiqued my works in progress. I had to build tough skin, and fast. Luckily, my years on Wattpad softened the blows.

I couldn't have improved without brutal honesty. If I'm 100% transparent, I've always been a nitpicker myself when it came to writing so having my patterns scrutinized like my peers were the FBI Behavioral Analysis Unit from Criminal Minds was greatly appreciated.

A habit I killed? Writing "as" for every action I wanted to happen simultaneously.

I was partially through my program when it occurred to me, I should read more fantasy. So simple—and yet I hadn't been reading the genre I wanted to write.?

At the time, I was stuck on a strict queer romance diet.?

So I did what anyone with this epiphany would—I bought some books and analyzed the hell out of them.

By the time 2021 came around, I had written multiple discarded first chapters and last chapters, changed the plot and character profiles, and drawn worldbuilding maps. I could feel my growth. See my growth and practically taste my growth, but the first draft was unfinished.?

May 2021: I jotted down new character profiles and worldbuilding notes in a journal that got lost in a move by August.

. . . Hellfire could have swept me up and it would have felt like soft kitten kisses.

It took time to spark my fire again and in the meantime, I continued to read and enrolled in N.K Jemisin's masterclass.

April 2022: I recorded my notes from pure memory and began plotting an outline I promised to stick to.

May 2022: I documented my writing sprints on my YouTube channel.?

Dipping my toes in, slowly getting deeper, and then dunking my entire body in.

The writing sprints consumed me. My night owl energy carried me through until I crashed during week three. I was unbalanced and reluctantly rested.

Week four: I came back like a wild tornado. The challenge became not if I could write, but if I liked the story I was writing. It dawned on me, even with a solid outline, many discoveries could still be made.

I had to remind myself that I promised to stick to the outline this go-around.?

I soldiered on and finished the challenge.

Full disclosure: the mental battle to stick to my outline was harder than I expected. I still had a ways to go and many new ideas were flying left and right. I dreaded looking at my outline and it was painful not to alter.

The only thing that kept me was one thought: I plotted the story this way for a reason.

The reason I discovered: I needed to write the characters a certain way to see their real personalities. I needed to write the ending to understand the beginning. I needed the closure to birth a fleshed-out middle.?

On December 8th at 11:19 pm, I finally did it. The hard work paid off.?

I'm in too deep to run back to the shore.?

2023 is the year of the second draft.

To the first draft writers,

Write to learn about your limitations, develop your routines, and don't backspace!