NO Is A Complete Sentence

When we don't want to do something we can simply smile and say "NO". We don't have to explain ourselves, we can just say "NO".

"Early on my journey I found developing the ability to say no expanded my ability to say yes and really mean it. My early attempts at saying no were often far from graceful but with practice even my no came from a place of love. Love yourself enough to be able to say yes or no." - Susan Gregg

In our today's world, the default answer to nearly every question is "YES."

We phrase our inquiries looking for yes: Would you like more coffee? Would you be interested in joining me for dinner? Would you help me move next week? Would you mind if I asked you a personal question? Do you love me?

With such a powerful default answer ingrained in us it can be very difficult to say anything else - often leaving us feeling trapped, guilty, or frustrated.

The Most Powerful Word - NO!

With such an expected and requested default answer, NO becomes one of the most powerful words you can use. But saying NO could be incredibly difficult sometimes because of the existing pressure and desire to always please others.

It is very important to make sure you are clear about what you want to say YES or NO to. The issue here is to be clear about what is important to you. YES and NO are equally viable and relevant answers in the appropriate circumstances - but may yield dramatically different results.

Saying YES when you really mean NO can lead to resentment, frustration, confusion, dissatisfaction, or even worse. So if understanding and applying the right answer is so important - how do we figure it out?

The most important step in figuring out which answer is right is to start off by understanding what is important to us.

Take a second to slow down and reflect

Allow yourself to notice sensations in your body without seeking to change them. Relax and connect with your inner voice. Now ask yourself a few simple questions about issues in your life. Do I really need this? Notice how your body reacts. Is it energized? Does your body feel drained or depleted? One of those reactions will occur with YES and the other with NO in response to the question.

The response that energizes you the most is the answer that is most relevant and thus most important. All you need to do is notice the response.

So now that you have your YES/NO list :) how do you apply it? That seems easier said than done sometimes. It all boils down to the simple issue of honesty. Are you ready, willing, and able to be honest first with yourself and then with others? This can be the hardest step as well as the most liberating.

Try out the "NO" answer on something small

Maybe something as simple as "Would you like more coffee?" or some such similar question. Notice the contentment and satisfaction you feel in giving an honest answer or even just using the word!

See where you can begin to apply that answer in ways that feel comfortable and empowering. Notice how your body reacts and feels more alive. Experiment with new questions and new opportunities.

But how do you say "NO" to something you already said "YES" to? While perhaps a bit more uncomfortable it is still the same technique of honesty. When speaking with honesty it is also important to speak with patience, compassion, and understanding.

Remember that what you are doing is changing a message you previously communicated. Do not allow guilt or shame to color the communication though. Speak clearly about your decision and the realization to change the answer.

With openness and honesty, we can all speak clearly from our hearts about what is truly YES and truly NO. Over time it gets easier and we have to correct ourselves less and less.

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