A "Complaint Party" can help your team and your family in times of Corona

By Gabriela Mueller Mendoza

What? COVID19 arrived in an era of “Perpetual Positivity” where we are bombarded by “good vibes only” messages. Today we’re told to turn lemons into lemonade, to choose happiness, to stay calm and positive, to see the opportunities of growth and practice gratitude. Sure, I also think a long-term growth mindset and gratitude are fundamentally important. Though when people are told not to focus at all on “negative emotions” such as like anger, disappointment, sadness, grief, or pain and definitely not to complain, then we have a bigger problem. Life and work aren’t all roses and rainbows. We don’t get to experience the good without the bad. This Pandemic is a reminder of this fact.

I argue it’s not only important but also necessary to let our people/teams complain and kvetch. I use “Kvetch” (from the Yiddish kvetshn, meaning to squeeze, pinch, or press). Today it means to complain or to whine. It is can be an especially useful tool when used well and done in a group. Stay with me and figure out how it can serve you and your team.

Why would I as an executive coach that helps professionals thrive, encourage anyone to have a juicy whining and kvetching-session? Because kvetching can, if done properly, be a good method of coping and preserving mental well-being for teams. Expressing negative emotions is an adaptive way to improve psychological health. 

In “The tyranny of the positive attitude” (a report by Psychology professor Barbara Held, author of Stop Smiling, Start Kvetching: A 5-Step Guide to Creative Complaining), she explains that our culture has little tolerance for those who aren’t all smiles and sunshine most of the time. I argue that our corporate cultures are embedded in a similar layer of messages about positivity and productivity, little or zero-complaining. By doing so, companies and teams miss an important mechanism to cope during times of crisis.

Why this matters during in Coronavirus times

As I support teams and leaders during this Pandemic, I realize that without inviting them to use such a tool, complaining is relegated to the corner and told to tune-down, it’s not productive. Kvetching and whining are not the noblest attributes in a professional today. Though it is very human, and it has its benefits in preserving our humanity and psychological well-being.

One of the ways to carefully help my teams is to organize juicy “Kvetching – whining sessions”. At first, people can’t believe they are even allowed to complain at all! Once they get it, no more encouragement is needed. While it sounds easy, as a coach I can conduct it in a way that does not become a whining-endless / finger-pointing session. The teams release negative energy and reveal important aspects to focus on, this is done is a safe environment and following a framework. They embrace talking about real emotions, all of which are essential to feeling better. Then results can follow. When we don’t allow space and time to express all ranges of emotions, it builds up pressure, increases the risks for our mental health, and it blocks creativity/innovation.

Benefits of group complaining sessions or Kvetching in a nutshell:

• It strengthens the bonds between people
• It helps demonstrate empathy in a team
• It can even be used for psychological catharsis when done well and guided carefully.
• It can become a useful tool for managing stress, anxiety, and depression and it increases empathy in a team. 
• A juicy-guided kvetching session can make room for the opportunity to laugh about a situation that everyone can relate to. This is why during COVID19 many find themselves watching stand-up comedians, funny Youtube videos, and memes to make them laugh, it's important for our immune system. After all, both laughter and humor are coping strategies.
• People are experiencing Zoom-fatigue and boredom during online meetings. When mediation, mindfulness training, deep breathing, and mantras no longer work, perhaps juicy kvetching-zoom can make the difference to release tension and creativity. 

Used with care and awareness of a good “Complaint-session” with an empathetic friend, coach, a colleague can be a powerfully healing tool, without needing to feel guilty for not putting positivity on a pedestal.

How throw a "Kvetching and whining-party" at home as a tension release tool

Quarantine at home with kids, homeschooling, remote work can be challenging for all. Not numbing negative emotions is key. Over the weekend, I put together a complaint-board (a big one) at home. Our two teenagers were at first surprised they were asked to simply complain. No expectation to end on a “positive note” or to name the “lesson learned”. We all simply wrote down complaints and feelings associated with it during this pandemic.

They gave the board this title: “Why the Coronavirus sucks”. The list had things like cancellation of graduation parties, missing friends, always having to mentally calculate the 2-meter distance to every single human being in school, while grocery shopping..and the list went on and on. We all added items to the list until we ran out of steam. Eventually, we laughed about some of the funny situations we now face in trains, wearing masks for example. In the end, my kids send me some of the funny images and tweets that make them laugh (which I’m glad to add at eh bottom to make you smile today). After a burst of good laughter, we realized that is OK not to be OK all the time. 

What YOU can do as a leader

Leaders set the tone. You can help your team recognize and embrace a full range of emotions. In the end, it is about your team and you realizing that regardless of the discomfort that this Pandemic means, they can develop more trust in the team, more bounds, more resilience to withstand it and come through the other side. If you don’t talk about this time causes isolation, lack of collaboration, online fatigue, physical and mental health problems, then you will have to spend much more time repairing the consequences of those in the months and years to come. Let’s all kvetch and whine a bit more often, shall we? Come on, try it today with your own “ Complaint-party”.  

Coach Gabriela Mueller

Coach Trainer Speaker Inspiring teams Online globally - Diversity Catalyst & Author

www.gabrielamueller.com

Instagram @CoachGabrielaMueller Twitter @gabrielamueller info@gabrielamueller.com

Here the fun stuff I promised. Enjoy it and let's connect info@gabrielamueller.com

Let's connect. Please share this article with someone who needs to allow their team to kvetch and complain a bit more. Coach Gabriela Mueller info@gabrielamueller.com