No Complaining Challenge

I was thinking last week about how much of my time is wasted on complaining. Since any time spent complaining is probably too much, what if I could eliminate any and all complaining from my daily interactions at work, at home, and with friends? Essentially, no complaining, at all, ever? What positive impact could this have on my life as well as the lives of people who interact with me each day? How would my general outlook shift and how might people perceive me differently? What else could I accomplish with the additional time that may have been spent venting or in a negative mood that day?

Most people seem to complain primarily about things that have happened in our lives recently (that we cannot change) or possible futures that have not yet even happened! Interestingly, most people on average actually complain an insane amount of the time (some studies show as much as once per minute!). Surprisingly (and ironically), people actually don't enjoy hearing other people complain! Complaining, of course, is tempting because it feels good for the complainer in the moment and also feels good to feel validated by other human beings (that may also be complaining with you too). I believe complainers also seek out other complainers to have one big complaint fest where it is safe to vent. But how do you actually feel after you complain? If you are like me, not so good. Even more importantly, complaining has long term negative effects on your brain, your health, your relationships, and your productivity.

Complaining - The Non-Silent Killer

Complaining, like all habits and repeated behaviors, strengthens neuron connections in the brain that make it easier and easier to complain the next time (even subconsciously). Since complaining in general triggers negative emotions, you are now wired for negativity since "neurons that fire together, wire together." Over time, you will find it your natural default to think more negatively and this may manifest itself in anger, anxiety, depression, etc. This will also potentially change the way people perceive you and could negatively impact your relationships. People who hear you complain about someone, naturally will wonder if you complain about them to others when they are not around. This led me to identify two other personality defects that go hand in hand with complaining. Those defects are "blaming" and "labeling."

Blaming - Who is Responsible?

Rather than uncovering the root cause of a problem, we often assign blame either to ourselves or to others. With self-blame we blame ourselves for things we are not responsible for or had no direct control over. We beat ourselves up relentlessly when we make a mistake. With other-blame we deny our own responsibility in a situation and find it easier in the moment to place the blame on someone else, irrespective of whether they had a role in the issue.

Labeling - Forming an Identity

We "label" people when we call them "stupid" or a "jerk" or "lazy" rather than objectively commenting on their actions. We overgeneralize and apply a global moniker to a person or group. We can also "label" ourselves when we call ourselves "dumb" or "a loser," rather than "I made a mistake." This is dangerous because labels can be misleading, hurtful, and also lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I believe I am "nonathletic," then I probably won't try any new sports or activities that I may have been great at. Labels can mold others or your own identity, impact future actions, and can lead to depression and anxiety for person being labeled.

I view labeling and blaming as implicit forms of complaining which is why I decided to include them in the challenge. So what is this challenge already?

The Challenge

People who know me well, understand I get pretty passionate about habit stacking positive habits and trying my best to eliminate habits that do not serve me or help me grow. In forming new good (or eliminating old bad) habits, here are a few things that have helped me in the past:

1. Set a specific date. I am officially declaring today, 7/23/2019, the day that I will consciously strive to not complain, label, or blame and ask you to please help hold me accountable.
2. Find support from like-minded people. I quit a number of bad habits including smoking by doing it along with others that help hold each other accountable. That is my main goal in inviting you (my network) in joining me on this journey.
3. Get Leverage. I have told my team and friends, posted this invitation, and I will donate $100 to the charity of choice of anyone who catches me complaining, blaming, or labeling (for at least the next 30 days).
4. Stay Positive. All difficult habits have slip ups or days where you are just off. The best thing you can do is hit the reset button and not beat yourself up too bad. More difficult habits took me a few times to lock in.
5. Measure Progress. This is closely related with staying positive. Behaviors follow thoughts. So it is likely that as I get more comfortable looking out for complaints, I will be able to catch the thought prior to the actual action and can track this number.

Will you join me for a 30-day Challenge of No Complaining, Blaming, or Labeling? It would be so great to have others try it with me and share our experiences together! Please comment below if you accept the challenge and please share with people who may be interested. I will check back in and 30 days and let you know how I am doing and if I have gone broke :). I wish you all the best of luck now and in the future!

Tim Judge is President & CEO of Agillitics, a supply chain business intelligence and analytics firm based in Atlanta, GA. Tim frequently writes on the topics of leadership, management, and trends in supply chain and analytics.