Competing, Accommodating, and Compromising - Tip #4
Ralph Kilmann
Co-Author of the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI): Celebrating the TKI's 50th Anniversary Year (1974–2024)
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Since my first two tips addressed the avoiding and collaborating modes, this section will examine the common ingredient of the three remaining modes. Specifically, competing, accommodating, and compromising all fall on the distributive dimension—the diagonal from the upper-left corner to the lower-right corner on the TKI Conflict Model.
Competing is assertive and uncooperative: I get my needs met, but you don’t get your needs met. Accommodating is just the opposite—unassertive and cooperative: You get your needs met, but I don’t get my needs met. Compromising is in the middle: We each get some of what we want, but we both remain unfulfilled in other ways.
The common feature with these three modes is their zero-sum, win-lose nature: The more you get, the less I get (and vice versa), since the size of the pie is fixed. Essentially, we slide up and down the distributive dimension, deciding how to distribute the available pieces of that fixed pie.
In mathematical terms, competing is when I get 100% of the pie and you get 0%. Accommodating is when you get 100% and I get 0%. Compromising, in its pure form, is when we each get 50% of the pie. But the total of what both of us receive from our resolution always adds up to 100%.
As usual, each conflict mode is only effective under a given set of conditions. Competing works best when the topic is much more important to me than it is to you. Accommodating is just the opposite. And if the topic is only somewhat important to both of us (and we don’t have a lot of time to discuss it anyway), we might as well divide up the pie in equal portions and move on to other topics.
The danger of these conflict modes on the distributive dimension, however, is when a person’s two or three highest modes on the TKI profile are some combination of competing, accommodating, and compromising (while the other modes are assessed as medium or low). In this case, the person can see only their work life and personal life in win-lose, zero-sum terms.
Virtually every conflict becomes a tug of war on the distributive dimension.
And since the other modes are much lower in usage, the person doesn’t see the larger arena that could be created by broadening the topic and thus expanding the size of the pie (as is possible with collaborating, as discussed earlier).
With TKI assessments, I often find that a significant number of people are blindly stuck on the distributive dimension and, therefore, are: (1) fully satisfied in some ways but losing coworkers, friends, and lovers in the process; (2) serving other people’s needs but rather dissatisfied and unhappy themselves; or (3) partially satisfied but also feeling unfulfilled and empty the rest of the time.
Tip #4
Once a person becomes aware of their behavioral patterns, as revealed by their two or three highest versus lowest percentile modes, that awareness can then lead to dramatic behavioral change with training, patience, and practice. Sometime later (maybe a few weeks or a few months), a subsequent TKI assessment will reveal a more balanced profile with lower scores on competing, accommodating, and compromising and higher scores on collaborating and avoiding. Now the person has equal access to all five modes, depending on everyone’s needs and the key attributes of the situation.
This article is part of a series:
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Kilmann Diagnostics offers a series of eleven recorded online courses and nine assessment tools on the four timeless topics: conflict management, change management, consciousness, and transformation. For more information about these online courses and how to earn your Certification in Conflict and Change Management with the Thomas-Kilmann Instrument (TKI), visit: https://kilmanndiagnostics.com . For the most up-to-date and comprehensive discussion of Dr. Kilmann’s theories and methods for achieving long-term organizational success, see his 2021 Legacy Book: Creating a Quantum Organization.
Working at the Boundaries….as Coach, Mediator and Organizational Consultant
1 年Nice tip, Ralph Kilmann. I often use a TKI map that allows a group to see where people sit as one way to create an understanding of the existing dynamic within the group. And, as you suggest, practice is the hallmark of change,