Compete with Yourself (not others!): The Secret to Unlocking Lasting Success

As a multicultural woman in the corporate world, you know the drill. You’ve worked tirelessly to climb the ladder, breaking glass ceilings left and right. Yet, every so often, it sneaks up on you—that sinking feeling that you’re not measuring up. Someone else has just secured the promotion you wanted, posted about an award on LinkedIn, or seems to be living a picture-perfect life on social media.?

You might catch yourself falling into the comparison trap. And let’s be honest, who hasn’t? It’s hard not to compare when society encourages it at every turn—whether it’s on social media, in performance reviews, or even casual conversations. But here’s the thing: when we focus on competing externally, we lose sight of something far more powerful—our own internal growth.

James Clear nailed it with his quote,?

“Compete externally and you compare. Compete internally and you improve.”?

This is the shift I want to help you make—not just for career success, but for a fuller, more joyful life. Let’s talk about why competing with yourself can be the most empowering decision you’ll ever make.

The Comparison Trap: Why Competing Externally Drains You

Comparison is like chasing a shadow—no matter how fast you run, you never catch it. When you compete with others, you’re not racing on a level playing field. Everyone’s journey is different. Think about it: comparing your corporate journey to someone else’s is like comparing apples to oranges, or better yet, comparing oranges to laptops! It makes no sense because each of us has different starting points, challenges, and aspirations.

I’ve been there. In my early days in the corporate world, I found myself constantly comparing my achievements to those of my colleagues. Who was getting promoted faster? Who was being recognised in meetings? It was exhausting. But the worst part? It didn’t make me better. If anything, it held me back because I was so focused on everyone else that I neglected the one person who truly mattered: me.

Competing Internally: The Key to Sustainable Growth

Here’s the beauty of shifting from external competition to internal competition: the rules are all yours. When you compete with yourself, you get to define what success looks like, based on your goals and values. You’re no longer trying to fit into someone else’s mould. Instead, you’re shaping the path that works for you. And let’s be honest, isn’t that the ultimate goal?

This internal competition isn’t about being perfect—far from it. It’s about getting just a little better every day. Whether that’s speaking up more confidently in meetings, managing your energy better, or making small strides toward a career change you’ve been dreaming about, the only person you need to outperform is yesterday’s version of you.

How Do You Compete Internally?

You might be thinking, “Okay, this sounds great, but how do I actually do it?” Let’s break it down into a few practical steps:

1. Define Your Success

Forget about what success looks like for your colleague, your boss, or that influencer on Instagram. What does your version of success look like? Take some time to reflect on your core values. Is it having more flexibility in your schedule? Feeling more engaged at work? Or maybe it’s finally taking the leap into a new role that excites you.

One exercise I love doing with my clients is called the “Success Snapshot.” Picture yourself at your best, living the life that truly feels fulfilling. What are you doing? Who are you surrounded by? How do you feel? Get specific, and use this as your internal benchmark. This is your competition.

2. Track Small Wins

Internal growth isn’t always about huge breakthroughs. It’s about incremental improvements, day by day. Start tracking your small wins, even if they seem insignificant. Did you tackle that difficult conversation with more grace than you expected? That’s a win. Did you prioritise your self-care and take a break when you needed it? That’s another win.

I’ve found that journaling can be a powerful tool for this. Take five minutes each day to jot down what you handled well, what you learned, and what you’ll do differently tomorrow. Not only does this help you stay focused on your own progress, but it also builds confidence. High performers do this consistently because, as research shows, reflecting on small successes increases confidence and keeps us moving forward.

3. Shift Your Mindset: From Critic to Coach

Most of us are our own harshest critics. When you’re competing internally, the key is to be a coach, not a critic. Coaches don’t tear you down for making mistakes—they help you learn from them. So when you stumble (and trust me, you will), instead of spiralling into self-doubt, ask yourself, “What did I learn from this, and how can I apply that lesson moving forward?”

For me, this was a game-changer. There was a time when every misstep at work felt like proof that I wasn’t cut out for leadership. But when I started approaching my challenges like a coach—analysing what went wrong without beating myself up for it—my confidence grew, and so did my performance.

4. Set Personal Challenges

External competition often forces us into challenges that don’t align with our values or strengths. Competing internally allows you to set challenges that push you in the right direction. Ask yourself: where do I want to grow, and how can I make it happen? Maybe it’s a challenge to improve your public speaking skills or to establish a better work-life congruence.

Remember, the challenge doesn’t need to be monumental. The goal is to stretch yourself just a little bit each day, knowing that those small steps add up over time. As James Clear says in his book Atomic Habits , “The effects of small habits compound over time,” and before you know it, you’ll be making strides you didn’t even think were possible.

The Role of Reflection: Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection

We live in a world that’s constantly pushing for more, faster, better. But true high performance comes from a place of intentionality and reflection. One of the most impactful habits you can develop is taking time to reflect—not on what others are doing, but on your own journey.

High performers don’t just race through life without checking their progress. They pause to reflect, ask questions, and celebrate their wins. In my coaching program, we spend time exploring what worked well for you over the past week. What are you proud of? What can you improve? It’s through these moments of reflection that you begin to realise just how far you’ve come.

When I was climbing Mount Kilimanjaro (yes, I did that!), it wasn’t the summit that transformed me—it was the journey. Each step, each breath, and each moment of reflection during that trek taught me more about my strength and resilience than any external achievement could have. And that’s what I want you to experience—progress that’s not driven by external accolades, but by the deep satisfaction of knowing you’ve grown from within.

From Striving to Thriving: The Joy of Internal Competition

Competing with yourself allows you to thrive in a way that external competition never can. When you’re not constantly measuring yourself against others, you free up mental and emotional energy to focus on what truly matters—your personal growth, joy, and fulfilment.

And let’s not forget the importance of joy. High performance isn’t just about hitting goals—it’s about experiencing a deep sense of joy and engagement in everything you do. When you’re competing internally, you’re more likely to find joy in the journey because you’re defining the terms. You’re not chasing someone else’s version of success—you’re creating your own, and that’s where true joy lies.

It’s Time to Ignite Your SPARK

So, are you ready to stop comparing and start thriving? The next time you catch yourself looking at someone else’s accomplishments, remind yourself that your only competition is the person in the mirror. It’s not about beating anyone else to the finish line—it’s about becoming the best version of you.?

The journey of internal competition leads to real, lasting growth, and most importantly, it’s a journey filled with joy, confidence, and fulfilment. So lace up your shoes, set your own pace, and keep moving forward.

Remember, you can unleash your unique version of success. You have the power to Ignite Your SPARK and live the life you were meant for! Are you ready to take that step? If so, let’s get started!

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Your Coach

Stephanie