Compete or Avoid? Why these strategies don't work in conflict and how to manage them wisely

Among my leadership training sessions is a seminar "From Conflict to Collaboration: Increasing Project Efficiency." I'd like to share with you an example from my practice that inspired me to create it. Get your popcorn ready, this will be an office blockbuster with thriller elements. But since we are on this side of the screen, everyone can expect a happy ending and a link to a tool on how not to become a hero of such a story.

The Director Who Cried into Her Pillow

Imagine a distribution company with ambitious plans. Logistics in the company are managed by a director, but every day she falls asleep in tears because she is tormented by her subordinate. Perhaps he took a pill against subordination, but he managed to sabotage every directive of the director, make cruel and sexist jokes at her expense, turn people against her, and run to gossip directly to top management.

Everyone knew about this confrontation, and no one, including the conflict participants, did anything. The logistics director not only did not fire the obstinate subordinate but even extended his contract. The employee did not look for another job, although he hinted in every way that the conditions did not suit him.?This confrontation lasted for months, poisoning the team's atmosphere and harming the business.

A New Coat for the Director

In a state of nervous breakdown and on the verge of writing a resignation letter, the director became my client. Together, we "climbed the tree" (that's what I call a coaching technique when we look at the situation from a different perspective, expanding the focus). When we rose above the fog of offence and conjecture, we saw such a picture. It turned out that the director, essentially, herself violated the hierarchy, for some reason communicating with the employee not as a subordinate but as a persecutor to be defended against. We saw that in this position, the director herself had descended to the level of the offender, either competing with him or trying to ignore the problem. It is these two strategies: avoidance and competition that are often used in conflict and lead to negative consequences.

During the sessions, we developed a strategy for the client's behaviour towards the opponent. She stopped defending herself and running away and started doing what she was supposed to do - lead. The client trusted her impulses less and thought more about what she could do for the business as a leader. She stopped blaming her tormentor for all her sins and took on the responsibility that her position endowed her with. Metaphorically speaking, the main heroine of this story took off the "victim's white coat" and put on the "proactive coat." Although I prefer the word "agency" (the right and ability to make decisions freely, to act).

Happy Endi and Moral of the Story

How did this story end? After watching the logistics director transform and objectively observing the subordinate's behaviour, the HR director stopped avoiding the situation and sided with the client. The obstinate subordinate found another job, as there was no more room for his toxicity to unfold. This is how this office blockbuster ended.

Everyone remained alive, but just think about how much energy, time, and nerves could have been saved if all conflict participants had not immersed themselves in conflict but learned to manage it. So, as promised, I've left a link here to the training "From Conflict to Collaboration: Increasing Project Efficiency. " Welcome!

By the way, according to McKinsey's research, employees in a toxic environment are 6 times more likely to quit.

Workers experiencing burnout symptoms are six times more likely than those who aren’t to say that they intend to leave their employers in the next three to six months.

This brings huge losses to the company both in project implementation itself and due to the need to find replacements for those who have left. That is why the ability to resolve conflicts, rather than avoid them, becomes an important skill in business.

On paper, any story can lead to a happy ending, but how does this work in practice? So, I'll show you a little behind-the-scenes of the training program "From Conflict to Collaboration: Increasing Project Efficiency." Here's what participants learn:

• The positive role of conflicts, how to use them for the better;
• Analysis and practice of different communication styles in conflict, choosing the best one;
• Conflict management skills: active listening, empathy, reframing, problem-solving, feedback;
• Various communications, from cross-cultural to online, to be empathetic and knowledgeable, influence different groups of people;
• Assertiveness training for effective communication and negotiations;
• Strategies for conflict management through exercises and role-playing, the role of a leader;
• Real-life cases from different business spheres to work through conflicts.

I carefully and painstakingly selected these conflict management tools. When you use them, you won't have to cry into your pillow and feel like a victim. Well, maybe just a little bit until we "climb the tree" together to see new perspectives and productive strategies as we always do in coaching.