Compatibility for a Beautiful Relationships
Most dating advice glosses over the concepts of compatibility and chemistry, assuming most people have an intuitive grasp of what they are and why they’re important. When you have chemistry with someone, you just feel it. When you’re dating someone you’re not compatible with, it’s obvious — like biting into a piece of spoiled fruit, the discomfort is impossible to ignore.
Compatibility and chemistry are mostly ignored by friendly dating advice because they’re things that can’t be faked or changed.
Instead, we spend most of our time studying self-improvement, presentation, and the technical mastery of social minutiae, all in an attempt to excel at the sales job of our romantic and sexual services to possible partners.
Dating advice is designed to get that person who we feel is out of our league, to somehow trick or coax or cajole them into noticing us. The girl we’ve never had before. The man we’ve fantasized about. And if that guy or girl who’s out of our league is actually not compatible with us, well, we don’t really want to hear about it.
The terms compatibility and chemistry are often used by people interchangeably, but they’re not the same thing. They’re words people use loosely to define an ephemera which exists in the space between two people — the unspeakable and unseen connection, or lack thereof. But they’re different, and the difference is important to understand.
Compatibility is a natural alignment of lifestyle choices and values between two people. A priest and a stripper have a major incompatibility and I doubt many end up dating each other.
That’s compatibility. Put simply, if I value women who are intelligent and educated and I meet a high school dropout who values guys who have big muscles and like to hunt deer, then we have a fundamental incompatibility that will probably never be overcome and we will never date one another.
Compatibility usually corresponds to the long-term potential between two people. High compatibility between people comes from similarities in their lifestyles and values.
Educated and liberal people usually date other educated and liberal people. Hedonists usually date other hedonists. Insane religious nuts usually date other insane religious nuts. For no other reason than people of opposite moral values, quite literally, repel each other. And sometimes violently.
Chemistry on the other hand, represents the emotional connection present when you’re with each other.
Two people who have a high degree of chemistry have emotional make-ups and personalities that bring out warm, fuzzy emotions in the other, creating a kind of positive feedback loop through which they continue to make each other feel better and better.
When you have a high degree of chemistry with someone, they monopolize your thoughts and/or your free time. You’ll stay up talking until the sun comes up and not even feel like an hour went by.
You’ll hope that every call or text is him/her. And it will be. You’ll walk through life constantly wondering, “What would he/she think about X?” where X is a song, a bird, a walk through the park, a traffic jam, or a tenuous visit to the dentist.
Call it passion. Call it love. Call it sickness. The basic traits of your/their personality and your/their slightest behaviors ravage each others’ dopamine receptors in a neurological orgy of starry-eyed dreaminess.
When you’re together — which simultaneously seems like all the time and not enough — it’s dominated by whispers of sweet nothings, liberal usages of the ‘L’ word, and a disgusting level of cuddling that nauseates all persons within a 20-foot radius.
Specific examples of what creates strong chemistry are harder to peg. It may be the way someone laughs at your jokes, the questions they ask you about your day, the way you hold each other in bed, or how they help you decorate your new apartment.
Chemistry is made up of subtle behaviors and dispositions that positively correspond with the other person. It’s a closed karmic loop.
Chemistry is felt immediately and by both parties equally. The most important rule about chemistry is that whatever you’re feeling, he or she is most likely feeling it too. You almost become empaths for one another.
What do you think …………….. ?
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Thank you … True love is when two people have pathologies that complement one another.
High levels of chemistry usually come from opposite yet complementary qualities in people.
A girl who is high-strung, energetic and slightly neurotic will have a high degree of chemistry with a guy who is relaxed, mellow and open. Introverts usually have natural chemistry with extroverts. People who are orderly and intense planners often work best with people who are spontaneous and unorganized.
Unlike compatibility, a lack of chemistry doesn’t repel one another. A lack of chemistry simply results in a lack of emotional intensity. Things just feel kind of dead and boring when you are together.
Chemistry is also reflected in the bedroom. A lack of chemistry will mean boring, emotionless sex. A high degree of chemistry will mean intense, life-altering, heart-pounding sex that causes your mind to cosmically splatter itself on the walls of your consciousness.
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