Compassionate Leadership - explained by a parents love.

Leadership has evolved dramatically over the years, from the early days of the great man theory and the autocratic styles, to the modern day servant leadership theory and a more egalitarian style of leadership.

The common traits of leadership have evolved over this time too, and taking into account that leadership is observed through the eye of the follower, these headline traits of leadership are fairly consistent. Words like strong, charismatic, visionary, empathetic, integrity, communicator, inspiring, to name but a few all come into mind straight away.

However, the trait that I believe is crucial for modern leadership is compassion.

To some people compassion brings to mind a style of leadership that may be perceived as soft or weak, for some compassionate leadership has been more associated as a feminine trait. Well, half of that sentence is correct and the other is absolutely wrong. I might point out at this stage that men can display feminine traits, and women can display masculine traits in much the say way we see with culture. For example Russia is a feminine country in terms of Hofstede's analysis of the Russian culture.

Compassionate leadership is certainly not soft and weak, however it is a trait more associated with women in leadership than men, though not exclusively, and as I mentioned, in the modern world, with compassion becoming a more important trait, those leaders who will be successful will be the women and men who can display genuine compassion for their followers

Compassion is defined as "Suffering together with another, participation in suffering; fellow-feeling, sympathy" according to the Oxford English Dictionary.

Compassion, though related, is not the same as empathy or altruism. While empathy refers more generally to our ability to take the perspective of and feel the emotions of another person, compassion is when those feelings and thoughts include the desire to help. Altruism, in turn, is the kind, selfless behavior often prompted by feelings of compassion, though one can feel compassion without acting on it, and altruism isn’t always motivated by compassion. Interestingly some research has shown that compassion is linked into our deep evolutionary make up.

So lets look at this in terms of what it means for modern leadership. Firstly the idea of "suffering together with another", how many times has history shown us that leaders talk the talk but do not walk the walk. How many global leaders do we see living in lavish palaces yet their people suffer in abject poverty, put into business speak, how many leaders pay themselves massive salaries and bonuses yet inflict cuts on their staff. Its the old "one rule for you, one rule for me". Marie Antoinette and cake comes to mind!!!

As societies become more egalitarian, more educated, and the ability to communicate on a global scale becomes easier every day through social media, the reality is we are no longer tolerant of this old school manner of leadership. We need our societies to be fairer, we need our work places to be fairer. We see visceral reactions to corruption and what we deem to be unfairness in society or the workplace.

Why is this? Because it lacks compassion, it says we are not in this together, we are better than you and we don't care, and in our modern society we are no longer willing to accept this.

So go back to my original point, the leaders that succeed in the future will be the ones that show genuine compassion. Not these Charlie Haughey types who tell you we must live within our means, and then head off to their private island to recover from the stress of delivering such a message.

Research has shown that CEO's who display low levels of narcissism end up running more profitable companies, put this another way, CEO's who display high levels of compassion end up running more profitable companies.

Why? Employees are more motivated.

And this brings us to the second point, that compassionate leadership is tough, very tough. Let me give you an example.

A mother I know very well had a son who had a severe form of juvenile arthritis that come on when he was 4 or 5 years old. This boy was in severe pain as his joints started to seize and his mobility and hope of a normal childhood kicking footballs around a field disappeared.

The doctors told the mother that she needed to put weights on the legs of this little boy to try keep them straight, if he didn't he was unlikely to be able to walk as he became an adult. This lady sat with her son as he cried in pain over these weights being applied, begging his mother to talk them off. The mother refused and for months and months kept this up despite his pleas.

Can you imagine what was going on in that mothers head during this? Your little boy crying in pain, every bit of you wanting to take those weight off. The mother used to leave the room and cry her eyes out because she knew her boy was in pain but that if he didn't get this his quality of life was absolutely diminished.

What that mother showed is compassionate leadership. That must have been the hardest thing in the world to do. She suffered with her son, she must have felt every bit of his pain, the easiest thing in the world would have been to take those weights off and hug him but she didn't, she displayed absolute compassion and as a result that boy has grown up to be a man, who despite limited mobility, has a professional career, has his own family and can walk, and does that man love his mother? you bet he does, he owes her everything. His mothers compassionate leadership did that, and until the day I die I will hold her up as an inspiration.

This is the point, compassionate leadership is tough, its easy to take a route where nobody suffers in the short term but in the long term the consequences of not making the hard decision is way worse. How many times have we seen leaders take the easy option, people are delighted because they don't feel initial pain, but in the long term, to use our example, they cannot metaphorically walk.

Real leadership makes those hard decisions, listens to people, explains why these decisions need to be made and stay in the trenches with those who are suffering.

In the world of business this might be an restructuring of the business where you know there will have to be job cuts, but that in the long term it will save the company and far more jobs than you will lose in the short term.

A decision like this is not going to be popular in the short term, you will come under pressure not to go through with it by those affected and their colleagues. I have been there, its not nice, but you have to because if you don't eventually everyone will be out of a job, I promise you, assuming you have treated those leaving with dignity and respect and your decisions are the right ones, people will hold you in the highest regard for making the tough calls.

Look at Jacinda Arden, the PM of New Zealand. During the Covid crisis I have been hugely impressed by her leadership of the country. She shut it down, really and truly shut it down, an entire country!!! She knew this was unprecedented and I am sure knew the risks in doing this, but as a result look at where New Zealand is compared to so many countries, and indeed the low level of deaths. Her compassionate leadership put the greater good first, protected peoples lives, displayed a real understanding of everybody's suffering, and was with them when they needed it most.

That's what modern leadership is and the sooner countries and companies start developing that trait and living it, the better we will be for it.

So come on boys and girls, the day of thinking CEO's are these tough talking ball breakers is over, the stereotype is redundant, the kind and considerate leader who suffers with their people is only way to be.