Compassion as Competitive Advantage: How Toxic Leadership Reveals True Values

I have great news! Despite appearances to the contrary, the value of kindness and compassion is on the rise! Not convinced? I don’t blame you. But, let me explain.

First, let me be clear: I don’t have my head in the sand. I’m very aware of what’s going on right now. I’ve seen many organizations fall prey to the same craven, dishonest, counter-productive toxicity that people are struggling to adapt to at the moment. I don’t want to minimize the serious obstacles people are currently facing, both in the workplace and outside of it.

However, transformative leadership requires walking by faith, not merely by sight. And I have faith, that as people are forced to take a stand and decide what kind of culture they want to live in—and what kind of culture they want their families and communities to live in—over the long run, the majority will choose to support the values that allow all of us to be successful, fulfilled, and stronger together.

Although they aren’t terms you hear often relative to leadership and culture transformation, I believe that kindness, compassion, and love—now more than ever—represent a significant competitive advantage for those organizations that choose to stand for them.

How do these values provide a competitive advantage? I believe they do so in two related ways.

The first is that the values of diversity, equity, inclusion, fairness, justice, compassion, and so on, have inherent value in themselves when it comes to creating successful, fulfilled, resilient, and sustainable communities in any culture or organization. It is simply a fact that these values consistently lead to better outcomes for all involved over the long run. Secondly, given the opportunity to make an informed choice, the vast majority of people in cultures all over the world would choose to support values that promote universal flourishing whenever possible.

While companies have pretended to support these values in the past because of the latter, I believe the current situation is forcing organizations and individuals to publicly demonstrate where they really stand. How exactly does this work?

When a culture of toxicity is brazenly adopted at the highest levels of an organization, cruelty is often perpetrated by authoritarian "leaders" as a way to punish those who stay loyal to their principles instead of stroking the “leaders’” egos. Often this vindictiveness is, at best, shrugged off by bystanders who mistakenly assume they’re immune to its effects, and at worst, celebrated by co-conspirators and opportunistic followers who hope to gain something from it. In situations like this, the stark contrast between those who support cruelty and those who support compassion presents a priceless opportunity.

That opportunity is finally being able to see people’s true colors. It’s an opportunity to clearly differentiate between those people and organizations who choose to either be passively complicit in division and discrimination or actively committed to unity and inclusion. It’s an opportunity to use the newfound transparency about where people stand to make prudent, informed decisions about the acquaintances, businesses, clients, and employers we choose to associate with.

In my nearly 40-year professional career, I have worked with countless leaders. I can think of a few I have gone out of my way not to emulate or follow. I can also think of many who inspired me to be better. The great majority, however, fell into the category of leaders who didn’t leave much of an impression on me.

The ones I have strong opinions about, either for or against, are the ones who made it clear through their actions—especially in tough situations—what they really stood for. Some took a strong stand for principles and values rooted in selfless service and commitment, and others caved to the allure of short-term personal gain and shamelessly abandoned the principles they once publicly espoused.

However, it was those leaders who made no real impression on me that remained unknown quantities. I was never really sure where they stood, and so I never knew where I stood with them. It would have been very easy for them to hide self-serving hypocrisy behind the ambiguity afforded by that murky middle ground, and I’m sure many did just that. However, when a culture of toxicity is being actively promoted from the top, there is no longer any reason to hide.

In a world such as we live in today, leaders and followers alike—in organizations and society in general—are presented with a clear choice between policies and practices rooted in cruelty and division or those rooted in compassion and cooperation. The choice is to either support the former or support the latter; there is no longer any middle ground. And the stark contrast between these two positions makes it easier than ever to tell the two camps apart.

For instance, if you asked me a few months ago which companies truly cared about inclusion and equity and creating cultures where everyone feels they belong, I couldn't tell you. But today, the answer is very clear.

It’s very clear which organizations were merely paying lip service to their values and which actually believe those values matter in and of themselves. This clarity ultimately makes it easier for people to support organizations whose values truly line up with theirs and avoid those that apparently have no real values.

Likewise, friends and acquaintances are also revealing their values through their impassioned support for—or opposition to—certain policies and practices, ultimately revealing the type of culture they want to promote. Although I'm not advocating that people retreat into their silos and echo chambers, this type of clarity does afford us the opportunity to protect our peace by avoiding those who don’t share our commitments to fundamental values of civilized society such as fairness, justice, compassion, etc.

When organizations and individuals are no longer pressured from the top into supporting values they don’t actually believe in, they feel free to express their true values. Since there are few, if any, official repercussions to expressing antisocial, selfish, and discriminatory views that would have led to censure in the past, we can trust that people are being honest about their beliefs.

In times like this, instead of trying to make excuses for them or charitably reinterpreting their words and actions, we ought to respect people—and ourselves—enough to believe them when they show us who they really are. After all, to paraphrase Maya Angelou, they know themselves much better than we do, so who are we to contradict them?

I suspect that, as organizations and individuals realize that certain values provide a competitive advantage, they will try to backpedal and pretend they do in fact support the very values that they abandoned, both expeditiously and expediently, only a short while ago. I encourage you not to be taken in by such hypocrisy. Again, instead of blindly giving out second chances, we owe it to others—and ourselves—to believe them the first time they show us what they really stand for.

On that last note, I am reminded of some of the lessons I learned several years ago when I was failed to live up to my own values. I go into much more detail in the Further Resources section below, but here are a few of the main lessons learned:

• The greatest thing I have to lose is my integrity. The value of everything else that I thought I was trying to protect—money, position, opportunity, etc.—paled in comparison to being able to look myself in the eye and know that, at the end of the day, I did the right thing.
• No leader worth following ever expects my unconditional loyalty or adjusts the value they place on me solely based on whether I agree with them or not.
• While I should strive to always treat others with respect, no one deserves my unconditional support. This is especially true when their words and actions violate the values and principles that I hold sacred.
• It is much easier to see people for who they are if I ask myself, “Would I still support this person if there were nothing in it for me? Would they still support me if there was nothing in it for them?”
• While people may forgive me for my mistakes and lack of competence, it is nearly impossible to regain their trust or respect when they know I have willingly compromised my values for personal gain.

Again, while I consider the ability to tell people and companies apart to be a positive thing in the long run, I don't mean to downplay the immediate impact it’s having on the lives of people caught up in this sudden shift. They are involuntarily paying the price for all of us to ultimately benefit from the transparency about who stands where relative to the fair and respectful treatment of people.

My hope is that this post helps people see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that even the most difficult situations can eventually lead to positive outcomes. If you find yourself surrounded by a culture of toxicity, I encourage you to reclaim your agency, protect your peace, and stand up for your values. Even though it is difficult to fathom at the moment, there is a brighter future is on the way.

Further Resources

If you’d like to learn more about topics covered in this week’s newsletter article, check out the related resources I’ve included below.

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