Compassion. Attitude. Warrior.: One Caregiver's Legacy

POSTED BY DEB KELSEY-DAVIS  · FRIDAY, APRIL 29TH, 2016 

This week, the world lost a very special caregiver.  One that I called friend…and hero.

Each of our stories are unique and beautiful.  Hers, though, is quite powerful, filled with important lessons which I feel important to share.  As much as I would love to name her for you, she was a private person, and this I must honor.  Besides, what’s really important is to know what was in her soul and the legacy she’s left behind.

The Faithful Warrior

From the moment I met her, 5 years ago, I was struck by the quirky combination of her tough attitude, intense eyes and loving compassion.  She was humble, always.  Yet, she was bold about her opinions.  My first impression of her was not filled with warm fuzzies!  Rather, I saw a woman of fierce determination and an inner compass that she lived her life by….regardless of what anyone else said or thought.

What I soon discovered was that she commuted every day to work, to be with high schoolers, a distance of 38 miles each way…and in Chicago traffic that could equate to upwards of 1 to 1 1/2 hours there and back. On her way home, she’d stop to visit and care for BOTH her mother-in-law and her mother, as well as on weekends.  Honestly, I wondered when the woman slept, because she was also involved in community groups, special events and taking care of her own family!  I also learned that she had survived breast cancer several years prior to my meeting her.  Sadly, her last few years of caregiving saw her battling yet another cancer…a rare form of angiosarcoma of the breast.

Her caregiving journey was not defined by her own health battles.  No, she focused on living with every fiber in her body and was dedicated to caring for others.  She continued to care for her mother-in-law and mother, amidst undergoing 2 radical surgeries, multiple rounds of radiation and chemo, and finally an experimental drug as part of a clinical trial.  First, she lost her mother-in-law, then within the last year lost both her brother and her mother.  Yet, she continued to fight for everything with a positive attitude, jokes and laughter, and a strength in determination I’ve rarely seen.

We celebrated her life last night, with family and friends.  As you might imagine, she had many, many people who loved her and were inspired by how she lived and cared.  As I drove home from the funeral home, I found myself reflecting on all that she taught us…her legacy…on how to live and care for another.  I would like to pass those along to you.

The most important caregiving lessons I learned from her are:

• Compassion is rooted in love, sincerity and truth. Truthful compassion means a commitment to honesty and integrity. Her communication style was direct, and what some would call “tough love”.  She strongly believed in being authentic.  There was no ego involved in her brand of compassion.  Love meant realizing what another soul needed.  She cared by making others laugh and meeting basic needs with fierce respect and dignity.
• A positive attitude is critical. She confronted reality, the brutal challenges of living and dealing with health issues, both her own and of others.  Yet, she chose to live with a positive outlook…always.  She talked of her gratitude list and how every morning that she woke up she’d thank the Lord for the miracle of another day.  Her positive attitude helped her to cope with stress and getting through those tough days.  And often she spoke about how enriched her relationships were with those for whom she was caring, which I believe is attributable to her positive attitude.
• Choose to be a warrior.  This may actually be the most power of all lessons I learned from her.  The gift I got and the legacy she leaves to us all. She made a choice to become a warrior.  No one is born a warrior.  As a caregiver, she made the choice to clearly determine what mattered most to loved ones, and fought for those things.  She chose to be gentle with herself when life threw her some mighty big curve balls.  And, she chose to  build up walls of positivity.

Her family, friends, students and colleagues all became “Faithful Warriors” too,  joining her in this journey.  Her legacy is a gift.  Her legacy inspires me to be a faithful caregiving warrior.  And, in sharing her story, I hope that it can bring you comfort and inspiration too.