Is Compartmentalizing a Strength or Weakness?

When I started taking theatre seriously in high school, we were told to leave our lives at the door. The only thing that mattered in that rehearsal space is what was happening there. The rest of our lives can wait.

I didn't think much of it at the time, but I bet that's how I grew accustomed to believing compartmentalizing was the norm and the golden standard for how you should conduct yourself everywhere.

Looking back, I'm not sure if it's right or wrong to compartmentalize yourself for a performance, but it's helped me out more than once.

It was because of my ability to compartmentalize that I was able to pull out a great performance the same day I got life-changing news.

It was because of my ability to compartmentalize that I was able to show up for my students while I was struggling with a chronic illness (that is, until I couldn't, and I needed to drop out of my PhD program).

It was because of my ability to compartmentalize that I was able to keep a job for as long as I did, on the condition that I didn't bring my whole self and all of the things I was dealing with to work.

What happens when your life doesn't fit into neat little compartments anymore?

After I moved out on my own, my life became extra complicated. It takes time to adjust to one income and manage a place on your own when you relied on the help of someone else to keep things running. It's even harder when you move to a new town and you're managing a chronic illness, which can be a full-time job, trust me.

It's amazing what we're able to do when we put our minds to it. Somehow, I got things together enough to cover a 2-bedroom apartment. Furniture, insurance, and my life seemed to fall into place. That is, until it all fell apart again and my work wasn't willing to pick me up.

I could get into all the reasons why I think this particular workplace fails their employees:

• I could talk about the unrealistic amount of PTO (8 days, including sick and vacation time, for starting employees).
• I could talk about how you can't list "health" as a value on your website unless you ACTUALLY do things to value the health of your employees, like accommodate your workers with chronic pain and illnesses by allowing them to work remotely from the comfort of their homes.
• I could get into the neverending hamster wheel of productivity, where as soon as I understood the output goal for the day, things would change.

But all of that can wait for a future issue. I want to talk about what I was told when my life became overwhelming, and I couldn't even take time off to show up in the office as a "good little producer" like they wanted.

You know that saying, "When it rains, it pours"?

So, this is what happened all at once:

• My mail started getting stolen
• My apartment accused me of throwing my trash in the parking lot instead of in the dumpster (because my stolen mail was in there)
• Because my mail was being stolen, I had to get hundreds of dollars in checks reissued (dollars I could not afford to spare)
• I went from being expected to produce a certain amount of work per day to 1.5x that amount out of nowhere
• I was still struggling to manage my chronic pain every day, and was being texted and called as late as 10 p.m. from coworkers, with the expectation that I answer, including on my vacation days
• I cut my finger and it bled for 7 hours, but I kept myself from going to urgent care until that many hours passed by because I didn't want to waste a day of PTO on it (yes, it did need stitches, and yes, it was from cutting cheese)

I was at my breaking point. Years after this happened, I can see myself for who I am. I am a great worker. I am enthusiastic and self-motivated. If you give me the freedom to fly, I'll do it. I still feel so fortunate to have been the Marketing Director at an organization where I could make major changes, ones I'm still so proud of today.

But back then, I was at the end of my rope. I was overworked, underpaid, in desperate need of a break, and looking for any kind of support I could get.

I was praised when I worked through a divorce, my chronic pain, a major move, and all kinds of changes in my life. But when it got to be too much, all those hours I worked and the challenges I navigated disappeared.

It all came down to one takeaway: I didn't know how to compartmentalize.

Compartmentalizing is not healthy

What do I think about all this now, looking back more than 4 years later? While I think a little bit of compartmentalizing is probably fine, I don't think it's all that healthy.

Why? When you're experiencing periods of extreme stress and hardship, when you haven't been able to catch up to all the changes in your life (for me, it had been about a year and a half of major changes that got me to a breaking point), you can't keep your feelings in compartments anymore. They spill over. That's just life!

What you need in those moments is the recognition that you are a human being. You are a person with feelings and struggles and faults, and you're really going through it right now.

I know I've mentioned this in past issues, but it still blows my mind how grateful I was only 4 months after this experience. I was feeling under the weather, texted my boss and team, and they just said, "Feel better! We'll talk tomorrow!" No expectation of being on my computer. No frantic text messages about deadlines that don't actually matter. I just turned off my computer for the day, slept, and came back the next day feeling much better. All my body needed was some time to recuperate.

If you want good employees, you have to treat them like people.

Your employees are not your little worker bees. You shouldn't treat them like a series of inputs and outputs that you can tweak to maximize your profit.

I remember the founder of this company proudly telling me how the organization was bootstrapped and didn't take funding from anyone. Cool, but if you keep all the money you're making, and you don't use it to improve benefits and the lives of your employees, what are you doing? (That question is rhetorical.)

My confidence was really rattled when I moved into my next full-time role. Luckily, it was a good one. In fact, the best outcome I could have hoped for. I was able to bring my whole self to work - my weird nerd toys, my colorful hair, my overenthusiastic voice (sorry, coworkers, we were so loud omg), AND my chronic illness.

I was able to leave during the day for physical therapy. I was able to leave early at night to take a weaving class. You know why? I was trusted to get things done that needed to be done! Plus, my boss knew the importance of treating my needs inside and outside of work as equally valid. Family and health come first. Everything else can wait.

Right now, I'm at this point in my career where things are growing and I could start to bring on a team. Where I decide to go with that will probably come together in a year or two. Let's just say I do start to hire. What I want to promise anyone who works for me in the future is this: I will never tell you to compartmentalize, or praise you for compartmentalizing. If I'm hiring you, I'm hiring you to be your whole self at work. I know what being afforded that did for me. I want to give that gift to others.

If you feel like you're being put into little boxes right now and want someplace to talk about it, DM me. Until we talk about this stuff, I don't think it's going to get better. We need fewer Clearlink CEOs out there.

Until next time!

- Sammi