Comparisons + The Power of Yet

I’m not as good a coach as him…My business is not growing like theirs...I‘m not as brave as my son (6 years old!) to freeride down that mountain...I’m not as good a mother as she is.

Where do you notice yourself comparing to others and falling short? Feeling less than enough?

Growing up as a competitive track athlete, it’s still easy for me to get caught up in comparisons and not feeling good enough. 

Over the last few years, I’ve shifted these outward comparisons more inward and supported myself in being a better version of myself. I’ve been trying to avoid comparisons to others and focus on my own growth. I’ve asked my children to stop comparing their grades and sports performances to others. I’ve encouraged them to compare things only to their own past performances…what can you do to improve your own grades, regardless of what your friends are doing? What’s possible for YOU? I’ve reframed the “better than her” to my own version of being “better than before.” But, honestly, while this was helpful, it didn't feel entirely right. I’ve mentioned my weird relationship with competition to friends...knowing it was still out of tune for me.

But now...I’ve just realised over the last few weeks, that by refocusing my attention inwardly, and avoiding comparisons, I’m actually missing a HUGE opportunity for learning from others!! And you guys, learning from others is what I’m absolutely passionate about supporting and encouraging. No wonder avoiding comparisons felt weird to me! 

Recently, to play with this a bit, I’ve slowed down to notice when I’m not feeling good enough, and I’ve been leaning into it by asking myself:

Where am I not feeling good enough? 

How exactly am I not feeling good enough? 

What really is going on here? 

In answering this last question, I’ve realised that when I’m feeling not good enough, its really because I want to do and be more of what I’m seeing in that other person.

And now, rather than getting stuck in not feeling good enough, I’ve chosen to apply Carol Dweck’s concept of “The Power of Yet” in my comparisons: 

Here is how it looks now:

I’m not as good a coach as him…YET. 

My business is not growing like theirs…YET

I‘m not as brave as my 6 year old to freeride down that mountain...YET

I’m not as good a mother as she is…YET

What can I learn here? Who can I learn from? What are these people doing differently, more of, less of? Where can I learn and safely practice what they are doing? 

And then…the key question:

What actions can I take NOW to move in this direction…to do more of what I want to do…to be more of what I want to be?

Do you see the difference?

Rather than avoiding comparisons and competition, I’m choosing to USE comparisons to serve me. 

What is possible in YOUR life when you stop avoiding and choose to lean into those uncomfortable feelings of not being enough? What can you learn from others? What actions can you take to be more of who you want to be?

Please post your reactions in the comments if you feel inspired to engage and learn with others!

If you’d like to have a conversation with me about this, please reach out, I’d love to hear from you.