Comparison: the thief of excellent leaders

They say comparison is the thief of joy. It’s also the thief of excellent leaders.?

This is especially true for women.

A KPMG study found that 75% of female executives have experienced imposter syndrome at some point in their careers. Even if they had all the skills and training necessary, they still felt inadequate or unqualified for the job.

This complex can often lead us to:

• Overworking to try to “prove” ourselves?
• Stress and anxiety (which affects every area of life and work)
• Constant negative self-talk
• Feelings of “not-enoughness” or unworthiness
• Worrying we’ll be found out to be a fraud (when we’re anything but!)
• Not speaking up

And of course this means that women who could be the most powerful, influential leaders keep themselves small and quiet because they don’t see themselves the way they ought to. The way they truly are.

This complex is rooted in comparison — another of the key pieces of the work I do within my female leadership programs.

Here’s the thing. In the traditional model of leadership, a leader looks a certain way, they have particular qualities, and they live a certain kind of lifestyle. Often that traditional model is: direct, very confident, likes to speak up, typically male, not emotional, works long hours, travels a lot, isn’t usually the default parent at home.

This is generalized, but this kind of leader is role modeled to us over and over. So it makes sense that this is who we would compare ourselves to when considering if “we have what it takes” to be a leader.?

=> If a woman doesn’t tick enough boxes, she counts herself out.?

=> She focuses on her shortcomings, when she should focus on her strengths.??

I see this happen all the time in my female leadership workshops. I walk participants through an exercise where they create a profile of who they see as a leader, and then compare themselves on purpose to that profile.?

This is when they have a major breakthrough moment. Because they often realise that this isn’t the kind of leader they want to be anyway.??

They’d been focusing on what they didn’t have, rather than on what they did. Which is exactly why they weren’t already in the leadership positions they could have been.?

In the new model of leadership (something Maaike van der Velden and I teach on a weekly basis to teams), we approach it from a strengths-based perspective. When you have an awareness and handle on your top strengths and leverage the shitake mushrooms out of them, you can become a better leader than you’ve ever seen role modeled to you.?

*One who speaks up and trusts her voice, even if she knows other people may disagree.

*One who communicates with calm power and absolute respect.?

*One who uses her emotional intelligence to make the best decisions.

*One who can get the best out of their team by being part of the team.

*One who has boundaries and knows when to stop working.

And then you can become the role model. A great one. One that will inspire a generation of younger (or older!) women to see and make decisions based on their strengths rather than their shortcomings.?

To understand more about how the women within your organization can become the leader our future needs, hit me up here on LinkedIn or schedule a strategy call and I will share more details about the game-changing workshops and programs available. And please do subscribe here for more news or share to anyone in your organization who may enjoy it.

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P.S. This newsletter forms part of a three-part "C-words in female leadership" series created in honor of International Women’s Day this week. Yesterday I shared insights related to conflict, and tomorrow we're talking confidence. Interested in thought leadership topics but not sure what, exactly? Let's chat and figure it out.