Comparison is the Source of Joy

?

According to the internet, the phrase “comparison is the thief of joy” is attributed to Teddy Roosevelt, and I gotta hand to the Rough Rider, he sure had a vision for who Instagram would ruin our happiness. We now live in a world where we can compare ourselves to our friends, family, enemies, heroes, celebrities, and Russian Bots. And based on those blocked Instagram messages I send to the delete bin, those Russian bots are horny as hell, and I am quite jealous of their libido.

Comparing ourselves to others before the age of social media was bad enough. But now that the internet and all its filters, advertisements, and algorithms has our happiness, and sanity, in its crosshairs, that old adage is even more prescient.

?

Now, speaking of old adages, I am old enough to remember my parents and grandparents encouraging me to “be happy for what we have,” and “not worrying about the things other people have and we don’t” because my parents were teachers, and their salaries didn’t buy a lot of cool stuff other kids had. My grandparents also told tales from The Great Depression and the Second World War. You know those types of “old people” stories:

?

-“We had to walk uphill both ways to school…in the snow!”

-“There were 4 of us in in a house with only two bedrooms and one bathroom, but we were happy.”

-“That’s so sad you didn’t get a lunch break. I was once in a truck that hit a Nazi mine, and my only break was my neck.”

?

But, being the young, dumb, know-it-all I was, I typically ignored this advice. Partly because I think it’s in our DNA to ignore our family members on advice that would make our lives better, and party because some of their stories seemed so far-fetched that they couldn’t be real. It was hard to comprehend them in my young Millennial brain.

?

I realize now as a parent and “older” guy, what they were trying to do:

?

Compare my life to what theirs was like at the age I was.

?

Instead of being the thief of joy, they were trying to use comparison as a tool for joy.

?

Pardon me while I bask in the brilliance of their unconventional approach!

?

Ok, I’m fully basked. Let’s get back to the lesson: use comparison.

?

By comparing their super hard Depression Era life to my cushy Millennial existence, my family members were trying to show that the “problems” I had paled in comparison to the shit they had to deal with. And let me tell you, they dealt with a lot of shit.

?

And while I didn't heed that advice when getting rejected by a girl in high school (or college, or post college, boy I had no game), I finally started embracing it when I was in the workforce. When I was a pharmacist at the VA, I would just read some of the medical charts and histories of the Vets I took care of, and whenever I wanted to complain, I realized I had never seen combat, was working in a climate-controlled office, and was getting paid way too much to do what I did while getting weekends, holidays, and 20 days of vacation time a year off.

?

Suddenly my “bad” day didn’t seem so bad.

?

I recall there was a new clinic coming online, and with it, there were numerous details that had been overlooked, and had to be worked out as we started seeing patients. For the 1st time we all had stand/sit desks, which was a real luxury. But one of the social workers noticed there was no foot pad for when they stood. Their description of it was, and this is a one-word quote seared into my brain because I repeated it with disbelief to anyone who would listen:

?

“Inhumane.”

?

Let’s play the comparison game. If we worked for one of those trendy tech companies that spoil their employees with ping pong tables, free lunches, and unlimited vacation time, you could make an argument a lack of foot padding was leaving us lacking for amenities.

?

However, if we picked one of our patients, say someone whose B-17 was shot out of the sky, whose last memory of his friend was said friend pushing our patient out of the burning plane and not making it out themself, and whose reward for escaping their flaming plane of death was a couple years in a Nazi prison camp, who before being liberated was force marched through Germany during the winter (This is a real story from a patient of mine. He told it when I ran into him at a vintage air show once. He told it so matter of fact manner without a hint of trauma. After the war, he went to work, had a family, and didn’t have any PTSD until a car accident in the 1970’s triggered his memory. They don’t make em’ like they used to), that lack of foot padding doesn’t seem so bad, does it?

?

Now, I get comparing every struggle we face to combat could diminish our current, real problems. But for me, that’s kind of the point. There are true life and death struggles, tragedy, loss and for those we have to live in that challenge. Yet most of what we face is insignificant bullshit. Maybe this was why my grandfathers seemed to not get rattled by almost anything. Years of overcoming real problems meant that they didn’t get rattled by a wrong order at a restaurant, a stain on the carpet, or if their flight was delayed.

?

It also could have been due to their testosterone dropping off a cliff as they aged.

?

In any case, compared to what they had to overcome, it was a privilege to get to face such mundane challenges.

?

And, for my fellow Millennials, I get it, we have real challenges. Our college experience left us in insane debt. Inflation has eaten away at our purchasing power. Home prices seem destined to keep us from obtaining the American Dream of real estate ownership (also that the Boomers won’t sell their homes that have appreciated like 6000% thus keeping supply low). And if we thought student loans were expensive, have you seen our healthcare premiums?

?

It's like the deck is stacked against us.

?

And it probably is.

?

But each generation has their own deck to deal with. And each generation has its own set of incredible innovations that makes life happier, easier, and more fun. Given the option, I am still glad I live now in 2024, with all its problems, than in 1924.

?

-?????? I can have almost any food I want delivered in under an hour

-?????? I can get across the country in a pressurized tube in around 6 hours, with an infinite supply of music, movies, and reading material to pass the time

-?????? Central Air

?

These are just to name a few. Do these conveniences undo all of the aforementioned challenges? Of course not. Those are real. But it’s also real compared to years past, our lives our infinitely more comfortable.

?

So, don’t be afraid to compare. Just make sure you are comparing wisely.

?

And when your kid complains the Wi-Fi is down, and they only have their downloaded playlists from Spotify, tell them how in our day we only got 15 songs on a CD, and unless you had a 5-disc changer, you got the same 15 songs over and over and over…

?

?

?

?

Thanks for reading! This is material for my “next, next” book I am working on: a midlife crisis guide for Millennials. If you enjoyed this perspective, let me know! And if you are a Millennial, send me your mid life struggles and realizations! Also, if you enjoyed this, then you just may love my new book, “I Guess I’m a Dad Now: A Humorous Handbook for Newish Dads Who Don’t Want to Suck” ! I have some great pre order bonuses you can snag (even if you got after it was released, I’ll still honor it for you, ?loyal reader. And if you put in the email to me that you read my newsletter, I’ll give you the bonuses for ordering 5 books even if you only order 1! Pick it up for you, or a dad you know in your life!

?