On Comparison With and Judgement by Others

Thomas à Kempis

Be not curious, nor trouble thyself with the affairs of others. ?What does that have to do with you??Follow the One.??For what is it to you whether a man is this or that, or say or do thus or thus? ?You do not need to answer for others, but you must answer for yourself. ?Why therefore do you entangle yourself in others' affairs? ?God knows all men, and He knows all things under the sun.??All things, therefore, are to be committed to the One.?Be mindful of yourself, take action in peace, and leave him who is unquiet to be unquiet as he will. Whatsoever he shall do or say shall come unto him.

Trouble not yourself about the shadow of a great name, the friendship of many, or the love of others towards you. ?For these things beget distraction and great sorrows of heart. ?God's word will speak freely to you, and He will reveal the truth, if only you diligently look for it and not the solace of others. ?Open the gates of your heart to Spirit and be not preoccupied with the doings of others.

In everything, take heed of yourself and what you do and what thou say.?Moreover, judge nothing rashly concerning the words or deeds of others, nor meddle with matters which are not yours.?Doing so, you will be disturbed little or rarely. ?This does not mean that you will never feel any disquiet or suffer any pain of heart or body, for suffering belongs to the present life, not the state of eternal rest. ?Therefore, worry not if you feel grief or an adversary harms you, nor if all things do not fall out according to your desire. ?Nor think that you should be especially beloved by others, for if you are in a state of great enthusiasm for God and sweetness of spirit you will be content.

Take it not sadly to heart if any think ill of you. ?If you walk inwardly, you will not weigh flying words above their value. ?It is no small prudence to keep silent you are criticized and not be troubled by others' judgment of you.

Let not your peace depend upon the word of others; for whether they judge well or ill of thee, you art not any other man than yourself. ?Where is true peace? ?Is it not in the One? ?And he who seeks not to please others, nor feareth to displease, shall enjoy abundant peace.

David Langiulli

Comparison is a habit of mind that is rarely (if ever) helpful.?And, yet, I see individuals do it all the time.?It goes something like this:

• He makes more money than I do
• She's prettier than I am
• They have a nicer house than we do
• And on and on and on…

This kind of habitual "judgment-based" thinking is neither skillful nor helpful.?And, yet, the advertising industrial complex uses it as a weapon to make you miserable so that you will buy whatever it is selling.?As the saying goes, "buyer, beware!"

As the good Monk indicates, we need not compare ourselves to anyone, and we need not inauthentically accommodate our style to anyone else's.?How often have you met someone trying to be someone they are not??How icky did that feel?

Also, how much time and energy do you use keeping track of all your acquaintances on social media??Following their every post.?Lurking to see what they are up to.?Not too long ago, you would have been arrested for such behavior if you had done in person.?And who is benefiting from all this lurking??You??I think not.?The industrial social media complex??I think so.

When you align with the Source, all the people in the world who are meant to be in a relationship with you will be.

Similarly, the good Monk takes aim at the criticism we receive from others. ??

The eminent psychologist Abraham Maslow once said that the self-actualizing person is: "free of the good opinion of other people."

When receiving harsh criticism or feedback from another person, it's helpful to remember that their reaction to you is their own.?And, while something you may have said or done triggered their reaction, how they respond is up to them.?In this light, remembering not to take anything personally is often helpful.

When you are at peace with yourself and God, very few things that other people say and do can perturb you.

Thomas à Kempis?was a medieval monk and author of?The Imitation of Christ.

David Langiulli?is an Author, Executive Coach, and a Brown Belt in Jiu-Jitsu on a ten-year quest to black belt. This essay is an excerpt from his forthcoming book:?Wisdom from the Middle Ages for Living in Modern Times.