Compare yourself with others.Truth is contrary to your belief.

If you disagree with this article, tell me your opinion right now!

The reality is that: Mr. Fistingor, a famous psychologist, has addressed this issue in his research, that fundamentally, we humans need to compare ourselves with others.

Human beings are constantly striving to assess their level of abilities, which they do through comparison. Don’t believe it? Then answer my question: How tall is your friend? You don’t know! Now tell me, is your friend taller or shorter than you? You definitely know.

Many of our evaluations in life are done relatively, meaning there’s no definite answer to questions like how wealthy, intelligent, or skilled we are, for example. Therefore, we need to compare ourselves with others.

By comparing yourself with others, you become motivated and hopeful.

The good news is that Mr. Fistingor and researchers after him concluded that social comparison, like other mechanisms of human interaction, should be used to generate motivation and hope, and essentially, from their perspective, social comparison has been accepted as a positive behavior! Do you agree with what he said so far?

In general, there are two types of comparisons:

1. Comparing yourself with those lower than you.
2. Comparing yourself with those higher than you.

Comparing yourself with those lower than you leads to increased self-esteem, improved people’s moods, and reduced stress.

Comparisons with those lower than you are usually expressed in life examples such as: “It’s true that my paycheck this month is delayed, but there are many people who don’t even receive a monthly salary. I had just caught a cold, but there were people in the hospital who had cancer. I don’t have the skill to write financial reports, but I’m not like some others who have trouble talking to strangers and have no communication skills.”

As it’s clear, this kind of comparison with the goal of comparing your qualities with those lower than yourself, according to research, leads to increased self-esteem, improved moods, and reduced stress. You can check the research results at these links: [Links to research sources provided here and here.]

Comparing yourself with those higher than you leads to a sense of belonging and creates motivation and hope.

The second type of comparison is usually expressed with two motivations:

1. Creating a sense of belonging to a group. This motivation is common in our lives with examples such as: “I live in an apartment where none of my neighbors know me, but I have friends and connections who are all experts. These experts are not even willing to interact with the neighbors of my apartment.”
2. Creating motivation and hope. For example: “He is a wealthy person and had similar conditions to mine. Therefore, I can be in a position like his.”

In such situations, you are trying to compare yourself with those higher than you to inspire yourself to succeed, and you compare yourself to successful people in society who you can write about for me as well.

But why is comparing yourself to others not the right thing to do in the eyes of others?

The answer is in reducing our happiness due to the way we view comparison.

In comparing yourself with those higher than you, several factors affect our final interpretation of comparison. Two common influencing factors are: 1. People’s attitude towards their locus of control, whether it is internal or external, and 2. Optimism.

What is an internal locus of control?

In the definition of an internal locus of control, it can be said that individuals view their behavior and actions as the main factor affecting their outcomes and results, so they strive to improve results through more effort.

What is an external locus of control?

In the definition of an external locus of control, exactly the opposite of internal control is true, meaning that individuals believe that they have no control over the results, as from their perspective, chance and external factors have determined their outcomes and results.

Therefore, when we are comparing ourselves with those higher than us, the source of our motivation and hope is entirely influenced by our view of our locus of control, which we believe in. If we believe that the higher-ups are only in their position due to luck and other factors beyond our control, our well of hope and motivation goes blind, and such a comparison naturally leads to dissatisfaction and feelings of sadness and grief because we come to believe that our desires are never attainable. This is the reason why many people encourage us to compare ourselves to ourselves.

What should we do to make comparing ourselves to those higher than us give us hope and motivation?

According to Mr. Fistingor, if comparing yourself to those higher than you can fill the gap between your current position and the position you desire, such a comparison becomes effective and leads to motivation and hope for achieving your goals.

But wait, the matter doesn’t end here! Pay close attention to who is around you.

Always remember that recognizing a gap and a distance is purely mental. This means that a gap from our friend’s point of view may appear to be an insurmountable chasm, but for you, it may be a reasonable gap that you can fill. So, one of the very important reasons why you need to be very careful when choosing people around you, especially when traversing a common path or seeking advice, is this.

In my opinion, a person who has gone through a difficult and arduous path and is seeking the same path as you is the best choice for building relationships and receiving advice. Because from your perspective, the gap between your current situation and your desired situation may seem like a large gap, but from that person’s point of view, it may be very accessible, and establishing a connection with such a person may lead to removing your mental constraints, resulting in happiness on your path and achieving your desired results.

Comparing yourself to those higher than you can lead to depression and can affect you!

On the other hand, if your locus of control is external and you believe that all the results in your life are beyond your control and, regardless of your efforts, chance is the most determining factor, comparing yourself with those higher than you will not only make you feel worthless and depressed, but it will also prevent you from taking advantage of any of the opportunities around you because during your entire life, you haven’t allocated any time to acquire skills. However, you shouldn’t disregard the influence of chance and probabilities on final results and always be aware that your efforts are very valuable, and if the desired result is not achieved, it’s not due to your incompetence, and other factors are also at play. In parallel, you should never overlook the impact of chance and probabilities on final results, and you should always be aware that your efforts are very valuable. If the desired result is not achieved, it’s not due to your incompetence, and other factors are also at play.

So, it’s better to always keep an internal locus of control with you because even in some cases, you can change the conditions that influence the desired results