Communication in the World We Live In

Communication by Bianca Moreiras, CEO, Bianca Moreiras & Associates

Often its’ not what you say it’s how much you care. A much-forgotten element to good communication. We’re all so worried about getting our point across or winning the argument that we set aside the compassion that goes into a “great” conversation. What I mean by compassion is caring enough to really listen to what the other person(s) is saying.

There is nothing I am going to tell you in this article that you haven’t already heard. The problem is we don’t put into practice the basic elements that allow us to be “great” communicators. As a matter of fact, we’ve forgotten how to communicate because of all the technology at our fingertips. Texting, email, Instagram, Facebook, Linkedin, Twitter, Tumbler, need I say more. Technology has taken the spoken word and manifested it into “a box of text” that can come across poorly or offensively to say the least.

The art of speaking, understanding, asking and developing dialogue has been eliminated in this fast paced, quick reply, do it now, universe we now live in. Sure, we can communicate around the world in seconds, and conduct business at extraordinary speed, however we have lost the “human” elements of conversation.

Each generation has been exposed to a favorite way of communication. In 2017, even an 80-year-old may prefer to communicate by email. What happened to picking up the phone or handwriting a letter. The human conversation, the touch of another person, seeing the joy or disappointment on someone’s face, all lost behind technology. Of course, there is always emoji’s. ?? lol!

So where do we start. Practicing the art of “great” communication takes time, courage and a willingness to negotiate, persuade and influence. Remember that dreaded speech you had to give in Jr. High School? Your body got all twisted and your stomach ached. Your voice may have even changed an octave. Well, all that preparation, practice and determination (hard work) is what made the difference between a “C” or an “A” grade.

If we took the time to really care about someone, and the time we should set aside for “great” conversation or even small talk, the world would function very differently. Think of a small child sitting at the dinner table and the adults are texting or twittering on their phones. What kind of skills are we teaching them concerning communicating, listening, speaking and caring? Are you guilty of this? Your parents? All family members? What about a lunch with your peers? Conversation or keyboarding? What is really taking place? Is it that we don’t want confrontation or is it that we are self-absorbed?

What are the fundamentals of “great” communication? Preparing, listening, understanding, speaking, asking and developing.

           Preparing, allowing yourself to know something about your future employer or networking community. Do your homework, find out as much as you can about the company or network. This is one of the moments when the internet is useful and full of information. Knowing when the company started in business, what they manufacture/sell/provide, number of employees, etc., will help you stand out in the competitive world. Prepare yourself with additional information regarding the owners interests.  Networking takes time, most of which you may not have to spare. Research the different organizations, clubs and chapters that are of interest to you and will give you the most networking opportunities. Find a not- for-profit organization that you are passionate about and join. Volunteer with your firm, take an active role, perhaps sit on the board of directors. Being prepared will open many doors and build upon your communication skills.

           Listening, two ears and one mouth, just tells us we should be listening twice as much as we speak. To listen you must stop talking. If you find your thoughts slipping away when others are speaking then always carry a pad and pen, jot down key words so you won’t forget your thoughts. Most people would rather you ask, “do you mind if I take notes during the meeting” rather than interrupting the person while engaged in conversation. Eye contact, nodding your head in agreement or expressing your feelings with facial jesters are a part of good listening and are a form of good communication.

           Understanding, one technique I use when training new associates when I was the Executive Director of a law firm is this, I always asked them to repeat back what we just discussed and did they have any questions. Seriously, many of them would repeat the wrong information or say, “sorry can you repeat it again”. You may think they were not listening however it could have been several issues (1) Distracted or preoccupied; (2) thought they already knew what to do and did not pay attention; (3) didn’t understanding the lingo or have the experience to comprehend the business reference. We often take for granted that the words that come out of our month are understood by all. In fact, we all process information differently. Some need to be shown, some need to be told and other need to do the work to understand. Be conscientious.  Think of a time when you asked an associate to perform a specific research project and it came back all wrong. The associate did not understand the goal, only the urgency or the matter. This error becomes costly and the client should not be penalized. Clarity is a way of making ourselves understood. Ask the person you are speaking with to repeat what they understood. It will save, time money and aggravation like in the example given above.

           Speaking, a true art. Most of us think we know how to articulate what is on our mind. Using the three skills above will certainly make us better speakers. We place so much importance on getting our point across that we don’t take into consideration the feelings, kindness and caring that goes into a “great” communicator. Thinking before you speak is the first step. Is the person receiving this information ready to accept it, embrace it or even argue with you? Being ready to speak is not enough. Understanding your audience, who will be receiving your information will allow your communication to be most effective.

           Asking, you might be wondering what I mean by this. The ASK. Closing the deal. Getting the job! Having the right words, the right information and having the courage to see the action through. You must be in a good frame of mind, know what you are doing is right and with purpose. Using all the steps above will help you with the hardest part of communication, the ask.

           Developing, what do I mean? Developing all the skills above including persuading, influencing and negotiating. Easy to remember with the acronym PIN. To PIN is to be a victorious communicator.” Knowing when to use each of these forms of communication is the secret. 

Are you a ‘great’ communicator? If so ask yourself this?

           When I am at work I engage in conversation 50% or more of the time?

           When I am out to lunch or dinner I put away my phone?

           When I am with a friend I ignore all distractions?

           When I am engaged in conversation the person has my undivided attention?

If you answered “NO” to any of these questions, maybe it’s time you start making time to communicate with others. Your clients will appreciate it even if they are at fault for the same behaviors that prevent us from being “great” communicators.

 Bianca Moreiras has been a leader, mentor, motivator and presenter primarily in the legal profession for over 34 years. She is passionate about coaching and teaching individuals to reach their greatest potential.  Looking to start or grow your business? Visit www.biancamoreiras.com for more information.