Communication is an Oxygen to relationships

Husband and wife came back home. Husband told her that he was very upset with his boss, who set unrealistic targets for him and was bashing him every other day. Wife consoled him, brought some tea, helped him change clothes, and discussed the issue with him. They both decided that it's time to change the job and then planned about the financial obligations. Finally husband was relieved of stress, wife caressed his head and he went to sleep.

Husband and wife came back home. Husband was very upset with his boss who set unrealistic targets for him and was bashing him every other day. He threw away his clothes on floor in frustration and changed in nightwear. Wife asked him to keep used clothes in washroom. His anger was triggered by this and he shouted- “Can't you see I am unhappy and stressed, but why would you see that? All you can see is your work being increased! How can a man in today's world leave something for a woman?”

She replied-“I am not an omniscient person, I can't assume that you would be angry, from next time take out your frustration on yourself and not me” Both of them didn't eat anything and slept in different rooms. The husband who was already stressed multiplied his mental state with no one to support. Your spouse is your asset, use them as your support, tell them what's important, don't assume they will understand without knowing.

Open, honest communication should be part of every healthy relationship.When partners communicate well, they are able to listen to each other and tell their partner what makes them comfortable or uncomfortable.Able to be vulnerable; honest about being scared or insecure; Willing to admit and accept differences; having a mutual and unguarded trust. Speak out your needs to each other as often as possible. Your partner should be very aware of your needs and what is important for both of you in order to have a healthy relationship. He/she will not be aware of your needs if you don’t tell them.

When in or after a fight, do not criticize the partner. Just relate to your own needs and feelings. “When you did this, you made me feel like that”. For example, “When you said that you need more space, you made me feel unloved/unwanted”, not “you are an egocentric prick and you only care about yourself”. Make it clear what is the most important for each other and try to respect that. Read the “The 5 languages of love” by Gary Chapman (for me that book made a huge difference!), and determine what matters more for the two if you: is it time spent together? Or physical affection? Or gifts/surprises? Etc. That will bring a lot clarity to why each of you behave in a certain way.

Also communicate what you don’t like about your partner’s behavior, as soon as possible after it happens (not at the exact moment, but after a brief reflection), but in a nice way, relating again to yourself and how his behavior impacts your feelings. Take your time a bit to react when something your partner says or does makes you angry. Take a deep breath, think about it for some time, and then discuss. It’s just like corporate email, you don’t reply right away to a nasty email, you take your time and than reply in a diplomatic way - you don’t want to state your point, but without escalating things.

And the most important - always be kind when communicating to each other! A long study showed that The Secret to Love Is Just Kindness. It is as simple as that. When we are angry, we always have this feeling of punishing the partner, make him/her feel our suffering, get back on him/her. That is the biggest mistake you can make, it will only lead to an open war. Start leading by example and he/she will follow, just be kind and emphatic every time!

Communication is essential in any relationship. The type of communication that will support a relationship will depend on the emotional language of love that a couple shares. Sometimes, we do not even need to talk to communicate. After all, actions speak louder than words. That being said, love language is categorized into words of affirmation (Your complements to your partner must be genuine), quality time spent together, gifts (shows appreciation and care), acts of service, and physical intimacy. At times, it can be difficult to identify the love language. In such a scenario, words could really help. Talk of things that concern you. If you see something that you do not like speak out rather than remaining annoyed with your partner.

There are general types of interactions - informal conversations, administrative “meetings”, challenges, and life-giving conversations. I believe that all 4 of these are a part of healthy communication. Communication is a powerful tool, for both good and evil… When done is an open, honest, honoring, and we’re in this together way it works to build healthy strong relationships. The most important type of communication for a relationship to thrive is the type of communication were both partners are exchanging their honest feelings and thoughts to each other. The healthiest relationships are always those in which both partners have created a mutual understanding of each others inner state. It is through these mutual understandings that partners can further help each other in times of distress and help each other grow to their full potential. Most importantly this type of communication must be honest. Cheers!