Communication: The Mistake You’re Making Without Even Realizing It

If you’ve ever found yourself talking more than listening, I get it. I’ve been there too. It’s such an easy mistake to make, and most of the time we don’t even realize we’re doing it. Over the years, many people have said to me, “You’re such a good listener,” and every time I hear that, I take it as a true compliment. But trust me, becoming a better listener didn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of awareness and practice.

Talking more than listening is a habit that affects all of us, whether we’re chatting with friends, working through something with family, or communicating at work. It’s natural to want to share our thoughts, but if we’re not careful, we might miss out on what the other person is trying to tell us. In this article, I’m going to share what I’ve learned about this common communication mistake and how you can fix it to build stronger, more meaningful connections.

Why Listening Feels Harder Than It Should

I used to think being a good communicator meant knowing how to express myself and provide answers. I believed that if I was the one doing the talking, I was adding value to the conversation. But now, I realize that real communication is as much about listening as it is talking. And not just any kind of listening, but really taking in what the other person is saying.

Many people “listen” just to respond. I know I’ve been guilty of that too. We hear someone speak and immediately start crafting our response in our heads without fully understanding their message. This is where communication starts to break down. We’re so focused on getting our point across that we miss out on what’s actually being said.

When we listen to respond, we’re not really connecting with the other person. We’re just waiting for our turn to talk. Instead of simply waiting for your turn to speak, practice listening. We then open the door to deeper conversations and real connection.?

Why Listening Matters

Talking more than listening can cause all kinds of problems, whether at home, at work, or in our social lives. Here’s why listening is so important:

• Avoiding Misunderstandings: When we’re focused on what we want to say next, we miss out on key details that the other person is trying to communicate. This often leads to misunderstandings. I’ve seen this happen in my own conversations. There were times when I thought I understood what the other person meant, only to find out later that I had completely missed their point. By truly listening and restating back what we’ve “heard,” we can avoid these mix-ups and make sure we’re on the same page.
• Building Stronger Relationships: Listening is one of the most powerful ways to show someone you care. When you take the time to really hear someone out, it strengthens your relationship. I’ve noticed that people are more open and willing to share when they feel heard. It builds trust, and that’s something you can’t put a price on. On the flip side, if people feel like you’re not listening, they may stop sharing altogether, and that’s when relationships start to drift apart. Over time, this lack of communication can create distance, making it harder to rebuild trust and connection.
• Better Problem-Solving: I’ve found that some of the best solutions come out of conversations where I’m doing more listening than talking. When you really hear what others are saying, you can tap into different perspectives and come up with ideas you may not have thought of on your own. This has been key for me as a project leader. Listening helps you gather all the pieces of the puzzle before jumping to conclusions or offering solutions.
• Personal Growth: Being a good listener isn’t just about improving your relationships with others, it’s also about personal growth. I’ve learned so much by listening to the people around me. It opens your mind to new ideas and ways of thinking, and it helps you become more reflective. Listening to understand, rather than just to respond, has helped me grow in ways I never expected.

How to Become a Better Listener

So how can you make the shift from talking too much to really listening? You must practice active listening. This involves being fully present in the conversation, focusing on what the other person is saying, and using techniques to ensure you’re truly understanding them. Here are a few ways to start improving your listening skills:

1. Be Present

It’s easy to get distracted during conversations, especially with phones buzzing or our minds wandering. I’ve made it a habit to put my phone away and really focus on the person in front of me. When I do this, I find that the conversation becomes more meaningful, and the other person can sense that I’m fully engaged.

2. Wait Before You Speak

It can be tempting to jump in with your thoughts as soon as the other person finishes a sentence, but I’ve learned that pausing for a moment before responding makes a huge difference. It gives me time to fully absorb what they’ve said and prevents me from interrupting. This also shows respect and allows the conversation to flow more naturally. In addition to being patient in conversations, having someone to bounce your thoughts off can also help you process things before jumping to conclusions.

Having someone as a sounding board, like a mentor, coach, or trusted friend, has been invaluable for me. We all need someone who listens fully and helps us process things before offering advice. I do this quite a bit, and it makes our conversations more productive.

3. Ask Questions

If you want to dig deeper into the conversation, ask open-ended questions. I’ve found that questions like, “Can you tell me more about that?” or “What do you think we should do next?” encourage deeper dialogue and help me understand the other person’s perspective. It shows that I’m interested in their thoughts, not just waiting for my turn to talk.

4. Restate What You Heard

One of the best techniques I’ve learned to improve my communication is restating what I’ve “heard” to confirm understanding. This could sound something like, “So what you’re saying is you’re worried about the deadline, right?” This simple act of reflecting back what the other person has said helps prevent misunderstandings and shows that you’re paying attention.

I’ve used this technique countless times, even in conversations with my son. Sometimes, when he’s telling me about something that’s frustrating him, I’ll restate what I’ve heard to make sure I’m fully understanding his point of view. This not only helps me be a better parent, but it also shows him that I’m really listening to what he’s saying.

Wrapping Up

Communication isn’t just about talking. It’s about listening too. Challenge yourself to start using these active listening techniques in your next conversation. And while it might seem like a small shift, learning to listen more than you talk can completely change the way you connect with others. Whether in your personal life, at work, or with friends, listening to understand rather than respond makes all the difference.

Ready to take control of your emotions and improve how you interact with others? Stay tuned for the next article, "How to Avoid Letting Your Emotions Control You," where we’ll explore practical ways to manage your emotional responses and become a more balanced communicator in any situation.

Interested in more leadership insights? Check out these related articles:

• The MisUsed Project Managers: Stop Undervaluing Their Leadership

• Fractional Project Management: The Good, the Bad, and the Business Impact

• Can You Lead Without a Team?

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