Communicating with Authenticity

It's tough to communicate with authenticity when emotion or diplomacy is involved. For example, imagine yourself in either of these two scenarios:

1) Right after a frustrating call with a family member over a longstanding disagreement, you have to switch gears and meet your colleague for important feedback about your recent presentation. Can you clear your mind going before the meeting? Can you compartmentalize these two events? If you come across a bit tense would you say, "forgive me if I seem distracted, I just had a tough call with my sibling." You may feel the need to say this so you don't have to put on a "show."

2) Or, what about this scenario? You’ve just learned that you received a promotion. Almost immediately after, you're scheduled to speak with a customer and must share bad news about their project. Can you shift your mindset from elation to professional concern? In this case, authentically sharing how you feel would come across as being insensitive.

Authenticity is the degree to which we can be true to our personality, spirit, or character despite external pressures to instead be insincere or pretend. Being authentic is often not easy, and communicating in tough situations makes it even harder.

To communicate with authenticity, you need to evaluate the circumstances of each situation and weigh the pros and cons of being your “true self.” Here are some questions to consider:

Who is in my audience? Colleagues, family, or close friends may be less judgmental and more likely to put up with you when you speak frankly or even harshly. In certain scenarios, taming the more emotional aspects of your “true self” side can be beneficial when interacting with a new acquaintance or business client. It requires being very aware of your communication style and adapting to fit your audience.

What is the context? Authenticity includes self-disclosure (note: new to the workplace professionals should be mindful about sharing too much). Read the external cues and don’t become too comfortable, too soon. When my children were little, I enjoyed sharing stories about them but not everyone was as amused as I was. Looking back, I’m sure some people found the stories irrelevant or even boring. I’ve since learned the importance of reading my audience and being mindful of the context before expressing myself. In this case, I wrongly assumed that everyone I spoke to shared my interests.

What is the culture? Be aware of how culture can modify our messages. In cultures such as Japan, sharing personal stories and anecdotes too soon in a professional relationship makes you seem less credible. But, in relationship-based cultures like those found in Brazil or Italy, holding back from sharing personal details makes you come across as aloof or indifferent.

What is the communication channel? It’s easy to communicate emotions when speaking face-to-face and over the phone, allowing you to express more of your authentic self. That may be your preferred option given the situation. On the other hand, if you’re trying to dial back on your emotions and reign in your passions, then a carefully crafted email is usually the better communication option.

Is the camera turned on? With the volume of communication in today’s virtual world, we must consider the camera. Used correctly, it helps showcase your most authentic self in the role of messenger. But don’t think you can get away with a fake smile or feign enthusiasm just because your audience is watching you on a screen. “Zoom fatigue” is real! To give your audience a break in processing information, you might consider some meetings with cameras turned off.

How authentic is your delivery? We often consider a good speaker as flawless and polished with their communication. Who would think that unintended “filler” words such as 'so' or 'like' sound more authentic? Harvard Business Review author Allison Shapira states that it’s OK for you to: include some “ums” or “ahs” to show emotion; go somewhat overboard with gesturing; and, even, speak too fast on occasion. Authenticity communicates transparency which can involve sharing stories or revealing how you truly feel. Politicians and business professionals often hold back on being authentic at the risk of revealing too much or appearing vulnerable on a public stage. You should weigh the pros and cons, but try staying true to yourself and the purpose of your message. I recommend trying to be as authentic as possible once you’ve considered these questions.

Authenticity is not something you proclaim, it’s a trait you demonstrate! Because of that, self-awareness is key. Gather genuine feedback from your trusted sources, either personal and professional. In the workplace, you can use 360 feedback reviews to help you gather information and material for personal development. Because authenticity ends up being what others see within you, try asking close friends or family to describe you in a few words. Once you have their impressions, use the feedback to hone your messaging so it reveals your true self.

Join me Thursday, Feb. 29th (leap day!) at Noon EST for a LinkedIn Live Authenticity Workshop to dissect workplace scenarios, look at written and verbal messages, and review videos of speakers. We’ll discuss what we can all learn from communicating as your true self. Sign up here and share this event with a friend or colleague.

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