Communicate with Confidence

As a professional speaker and business owner, I often look back at times when I missed opportunities because I let my anxieties take over when I should have been showing potential clients that I was the best person for the job!

So I started to pay attention to my behaviors in those situations and challenged myself to:

1. Pinpoint what I was physically doing in the moment
2. Ask myself WHY I was responding in that way

Here's what I noticed, when I was speaking to someone who intimidated me; either they were the decision maker or somehow "better" than me, my confidence faltered immensely. When that happened, I would immediately start itemizing in my head the multiple reasons why they SHOULDN'T hire me! Crazy, right?!

Well, unfortunately, despite any preparation I did or information I had, I would fumble...and I mean FUMBLE! My fumbling consistently looked like this:

1. I would hesitate
2. Lose concentration (due to panic)
3. My speech got weird, like mumbly??
4. I wouldn't answer their questions clearly
5. I failed to ask the questions that would show them I did my homework!

UGH!!!

Long story short, I was in trouble. I KNEW I could do the work, I KNEW I was the right fit but when I opened my mouth, nobody else in the room could tell! Hahah! Go figure!

So, I started to do some work on myself but also read a TON about how to build confidence in your communication. First things first, confidence is a SKILL, so anyone can build it! Whew! That was good news for me... and for you!

In a nutshell; here are the basics that you need to do to start building yours:

• Prepare: This ones a given regardless of where you are in your confidence journey! Do your homework, practice, share with others and ask for feedback. One thing that has worked for me is also writing out the specific questions I want to ask and also numbering them. I do the same for any points that I know I need to make. This is great especially when I start feeling flustered. Nevertheless, the more you know your material, the more assured you’ll feel delivering it. So keep preparing.
• Active Listening: You've got to know when to listen. If my nerves start kicking in, I try to make a point to at least write down 1 to 2 things they said and circle them, so that I can refer to them later in the conversation. I also request to record the meeting (if on Zoom, etc.) and then I will review the video or the summary notes, if there was something that I should have addressed, I refer to it in a follow up email!
• Practice Positive Self-Talk: This one is ALWAYS my most challenging one! What you say to yourself really can be your biggest asset or your biggest weakness. No amount of preparation will be louder than what you tell yourself. So find small ways to affirm YOU. YOU did the work, YOU have the experience, YOU earned a shot at this and celebrate the effort you're making, regardless of the outcome because YOU will always get another shot...ALWAYS!! With time, this mental shift will translate into more confident conversations.

Following these steps will grow your confidence and will bring

1. More Clarity
2. Increased Persuasiveness
3. Better Collaboration
4. More Connection

Parting Words... Give yourself a break!

When confidence and communication work in harmony, the results can be powerful. But that doesn't happen overnight! No way! So cut yourself some slack when you fumble because you will fumble.

But when you do, get back up, take note of what you did and learn from it. Nobody is born with confidence. Confidence is a learned skill and everyone including you can develop it!

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