Common Problems that can Crash a Marriage

In some cases divorce didn't happen as a surprise. A number of marriage situations that led to divorce were visible from the stage of dating, if you ask most people whose marriages are going through turbulence they will affirm to you that they always saw the signs.

The big question always is - why did you go ahead in spite of the red flags and the gut feelings? I have heard responses ranging from I love my partner or I thought I could cope and handle it, to I thought he or she will change, or they assured me they will change once we are married. Some even say things like, I was too in love to give a damn about anything going wrong.

However, let us look at some common problems or pointers that could crash a marriage, some even before the marriage starts and some in the marriage.

1. Feeling responsible for a partner: people get married to people because you feel responsible for them most because of the problems they have gone through in their past. That is a wrong reason to be married, because most likely you either going to their mother, aunty, father brother or uncle in the marriage than a life partner. You will feel the weight of carrying them and after a while you will feel exhausted and will not just be able to go on, no matter how hard you try. Marriage is for grown ups who can deal with their own issues. That relationship is about synergy and not one dependent partner on the other. It is a contract of co-dependents, who are fully equipped to be independent of each other. You are not their parent and never assume that role, it is not always an easy one and it is not designed for marriage. If you are in one, there are one or two things that will happen; that marriage will break, except the other partner is willing to stand up to their part in the relationship or you will live in perpetual misery for the rest of your life. Life is too short, think of yourself for once.
2. Accommodating a disrespectful partner: this is a common mistake people notice and choose to ignore for several reasons. One time I read the story of a man who according to him, he married his wife because whilst they they were dating he slapped her in the public in the presence of his friends and she did not say or do anything. He felt she would not argue with him like his other females friends so he married her, however now they are divorced. People tolerate unimaginable treatments because the man is the way taking care of their bills and those of their parents, well it is their choice and they will live with the consequences. If a man or a woman as much as shout/yell/scream at you while dating, and they get away with it you have embolden them to take the next step. Most physically abusive marriages didn't start out as being physically abusive, get usually graduate to that level. For whatever reason, if you sell your dignity it might be impossible to get it back, because it usually doesn't come with a buy back clause.
3. Tolerating a cheating partner: partners who cheat teaches a lot more about themselves than most people pay attention to. Their biggest issue which we should be paying attention to is not the sex but their proclivity to be dishonest, untrustworthy, disloyal and all these attributes are clearly lethal if absent in marriage relationship. So when a partner has a reputation for cheating and they keep apologizing and you keep accepting them back is an indication that you are the problem, not them. You have either a very poor estimation of yourself to think that you do not deserve better or afraid to start again or think that all men or women are the same. Whichever the case, you have a deep rooted problem and you should immediately seek help from a coach or other professional. People don't change when they get married they become embolden and stuck and more entitled in their ways. It is time to run when you still have the time and life.

The Nucleus Mentoring Hub is accepting applications for it's mentoring program designed for young people between the ages of 18 and 25. The sessions will begin in September 2022 and will run for 9 months in a physical location in Lagos, Nigeria. Application is free however, registration is compulsory as there will be an assessment before selecting successful applicants into the program. The mentoring program will be focused on Career, Relationship, faith and life; there would be guest faculty members joining the in-house faculty over the period of the program. The program is made available without financial obligations because of the generosity of our friends and partners . Application is closing July 30, 2022.

It takes swimming against the tides of conflicting emotions, social pressures and in some cases reliance on a partner for financial & emotional support to activate the?LEAVE BUTTON ?however, in case you would like to discuss, what options are available to you, to get the support you need for the journey, it starts with scheduling a complimentary call with me?Coach Adenrele.

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