Common Misconceptions about EQ

Having high Emotional Intelligence is often associated with being nice, calm and collected at workplace and in life in general. Having high empathy is one skill that people generally associate with having high emotional intelligence (EQ). 

With these behaviours, it is also viewed that it is unlikely that people with high EQ to be aggressive, creative and innovative and will likely be suitable for leadership role that of governance and administrative by nature.

For startup entrepreneurs and innovators , it is viewed that they should just stick to the thinking and creativity skills . With company’s bottom line maintain as key metrics for businesses, it is natural that the focus will be on innovations that will translate into dollar and sense.

That was exactly my perception many years ago. When I finally learned the real application of EQ competencies, I had a very big 'aha' moment and what I knew all along was only a scratch of the surface. 

Here are some of the common misconceptions about EQ and leaders with high EQ.

1.     Leaders with high EQ are all about emotions and empathy.

One of the commonly known characteristics of people with EQ is having empathy and being comfortable to talk about emotions. A leader with high EQ will likely touch the heart of the team rather than just driving for numbers in communicating with them. For some it may seem like they can be taken advantage of because of their high empathy nature.

 This is where all the EQ competencies must come into balance. There are several models on Emotional Intelligence where they consists of between 8 to 12 competencies. Having just high empathy does not make a person be considered having high EQ.

 Have you ever come across someone so caring and has high level of empathy but unable to execute much in delivering results? This is due to not having the balance in the list of competencies for EQ that encompasses of managing emotions , decisions and drive.

 Having empathy alone is not enough. In fact , if empathy is the only competency that one has, it can be detrimental. At the end of the day, having high EQ is about having balance in these competencies so that we can have balanced outcome on effectiveness (work performance), relationships, well being and quality of life. 

 2.     People with high EQ are non confrontational and will not handle conflict.

 People with high EQ is often seen as the one who is calm, collected and with high empathy. Because of this nature, they can sometimes be seen as avoiding conflicts.

People who avoid conflicts are possibly people with only one or 2 EQ competencies that is high in them, for example high in empathy but low on others.

 For someone who has high equally high individual EQ competencies, conflict resolution will be taken through a pretty logical conflict resolution process. And due to the ability to navigate emotions, there is nothing about conflict that one with high EQ would need to avoid.

 3.     EQ is all about the touchy feely stuff and they don’t belong to the workplace.

 “Leave your emotions behind and focus on your task. At the end of the day we are here to pay our bills and to do so it is our responsibilities to get things done at workplace regardless of your feelings.”  It may sound sensible and productive but let’s not forget that emotions is part of us human being. It forms a part of our decision making process and linked to our thoughts.

 Having EQ is not simply getting everyone to be touchy feely about emotions. Contrary to popular belief, there is a very logical thinking process that is involved in people with high EQ.

 Emotions are acknowledged and taken as data, information and feedback. It is then processed and a consequential thinking process is applied to determine how to respond ( instead of reacting) to a situation. The emotional data here is very valuable and has long served the human kind. The emotions of fear created a response “fight or flight” and has saved lives as it gives signals of danger to humans.

 Just like in today’s world, what ever emotions that we are going through , it is a set of data, just as crucial as your customers data or the numbers on your balance sheet. It is how we use these data and make a rational decisions from it that makes us having high EQ.