Commit to all aspects of conversation, even listening

The first ‘meeting’ of my career as a fresh graduate was to discuss better implementation of the annual performance appraisal and how training interventions would then be mapped to those requirements. My role that day was to listen and learn (I was a four-day-old management trainee).

As the team filled into the conference room, nine members, all my seniors and very experienced, I looked forward to the lesson. And learn I did. For the next hour, every issue was dissected, every angle probed. The camaraderie among the team was visible in their words and emotion. I remember sitting quiet and rather alert, grasping everything which was happening in front of me, like the proverbial sponge.

As the meeting ended, the HR head and my mentor called me to his cabin. Expecting to share my learning, I went in thrilled. He asked me in surprise, ‘Where are your notes?’

And I did not have any.

Till that time, I would rarely note things down as I am blessed with a near perfect memory. I rarely forget. In fact, all my life I have been called the USB in school, college and family, and that fed to my need to remember without support from something trivial like notes.

That day, I replied by quickly summarizing the points in the meeting.

My mentor smiled and said, ‘Unless you plan to tattoo “I always remember,” how will others in the meeting know that you are committed to the team?’

His question made me think.

He continued, ‘Your conversation, ideas and engagement are the only way the team knows your commitment. Now, how will you tell or show your team that you listened well, were interested, are passionate and want to contribute?’

That day I learnt a mindset shifting lesson:

‘Commit to all aspects of conversation, even listening.’

My pen has been a symbol of my commitment since that day. Think about the following situations in your life

·?????? How often have we been doubtful to others’ interest levels and commitment?

·?????? How often did we wonder what that poker face meant?

·?????? Why did my boss not acknowledge my idea?

·?????? Why did I not get a reply?

Slowly, one conversation at a time, we manage to systematically break the fragile trust and compassion in our teams and suddenly one day it starts to reflect in our decisions, collaborative efforts, performance and loyalty.

Commitment to all aspects of our conversation, especially our listening, builds the rhythm of a successful team. A.R. Rahman puts this beautifully in the opening narration of his short film Thaalam: The Rhythm of the Nation: ‘Imagine India on a boat. The boat is only as strong as the people in it’.

As these powerful words of the music maestro slowly sink in, the film transports us to the magic of the snake boat races in Kerala. Vallam Kali is the Malayalam name of the snake boat race. Traditionally, these races are conducted around the festive season of Onam. They are long, snake-like boats rowed by around a hundred men. Even during the races, these boatmen are not professional athletes. They hold everyday jobs and yet they row in perfect synchronized harmony.

What keeps them in this state of synchronized action?

One of the coaches of the race explains that the harmony happens when they follow the rhythm. Actually, every boat has a team of around 85–90 oarsmen, called the Tuzhakars. Then there are the Valiyaveedu men, a team of five who steer the boat. But the rhythm is maintained by the team of 10 musicians who play the drum, sing the Vanchipattu (boat-song in Malayalam) and cheer. During the races, the oarsmen listen to the drum and synchronize their rowing. As the short film moves, we hear a beautiful song, ‘To the rhythms flowing underneath, to the call for celebration, our lands arise.’

In our teams, lives, family and society, our conversations create this flowing rhythm underneath; we need to stay committed to them.

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