Commentary: Why do 16-24-yr-old star male athletes die by suicide?

I remember the first time I heard that a 17-yr-old star athlete had died by suicide, other than on the news.

These were some of my questions:

• Why did this happen?
• How come no one saw something wrong with him?
• Did his status prevent those from recognizing his deep pain?  

It was deeply unsettling to me that a young man so poised for success would view death as the only alternative. In three days, another suicide happened at the same school. These somewhat different, but very similar situations in my own community had all of us seriously questioning this phenomenon.

I wanted to find the answers, which led to a personal quest. The research began.   

When I read numerous articles about the parents of these children which had died by suicide, and even one man I contacted, I was given pat answers, which did not sound logical. I was told it was due to a medication, a C+ grade, or other things, I will not mention. Again, this did not make sense. I knew that there had to be greater complexity involved than these superficial reasons or what I was reading about, which deserved thoughtfulness and more inquiry.  

Then, I started to coach young men, 16-24, who looked like they had it all, but were often very depressed, and even suicidal, who I referred out to a psychologist/mental health counselor.

Working with these gentlemen made me realize that despite the fact that they appeared outwardly successful, they had experienced significant trauma, which greatly impacted their lives and decisions. However, they did not feel safe enough to talk to anyone, but me.     

I considered the similarities between my clients and these star athletes, who are under more pressure to perform and succeed; how trapped they must be/feel to end their lives. In lieu of this recognition, I came up with a hypothesis to explain possible reasons for these young fellas dying by suicide.

HYPOTHESIS:  

These players seem to have everything prestige, looks, popularity, influence, and promising careers with all the accompanying benefits. However, underneath that tough exterior is trauma when they did not live luxuriously, or they were economically well-off, but their homes were far from fairy tale.  

Now, everyone wants to be them, except them, so there is greater dissonance within due to unconscious wounds. They believe strongly they should have it altogether, but do not. Wanting desperately to hide any embarrassment, forces them to turn to anger, isolation, or various numbing behaviors, which gets hidden by charismatic veneers, or grossly ignored because of who they are.  

Having these overwhelming feelings of powerlessness, ultimately causes them to seek escape from what is viewed as unsolvable pain. With this mindset, they decide suicide is the only answer.   

My hope is that the people, who are reading this article, and can influence these 16-24-yr-old star male athletes’ lives would look a bit deeper, and hear what they often cannot to say to avoid another senseless and premature death.

Thank you for reading.

Your thoughts are very appreciated.

Researcher’s Bio

Karen Bontrager helps 16-24-year-old men make permanent shifts in their behavior from merely surviving in life to thriving through transparent coaching/counseling in one-on-one conversations and in group work, and through topic sensitive workshops. With this ontological approach, I partner with my clients to discover their essence, (aka highest and best self) by powerfully reflecting and listening to them. My clients quickly learn how to generate self-awareness and to voice their own relationship needs in a clear, constructive way by learning key coaching techniques/evidenced based counseling approaches/tools to work past their traumatic events and addictions to move forward. The clients are then equipped to develop healthy relationships with key relationships: parents/siblings/friends, and with intimate dating partners because they have learned how to proactively use their voice.