Commencement Address: Now Let Me Tell You About My Mistakes

This is an excerpt from a commencement address I gave in May at my alma mater, Hendrix College. Since you usually get applause for your success at such an event (and way too much anyway), I thought it would be interesting to talk about a few of the mistakes, missed opportunities, and bad outcomes I have had so far in my career. And what I learned from them.

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They normally invite you to speak and give you honorary degrees to acknowledge your accomplishments.

I am a logical choice for that, I guess.?

But I’m not going to talk about accomplishments today.??

I would like you to know a few (among the thousands) of the things I’ve done wrong.? My mistakes. Missed opptys.? And outright failures. The times I let myself down or even worse let others down who believed in me.? The things I’ve done that didn’t work, almost always because of things in MY control.

While I got it right too at times, of course, I spent too much of my life dreaming of the stars and settling for the ceiling.? Too much time imagining greatness, then accepting the status quo. I created or co created legitimately big and even outstanding ideas … that I quit on before I saw them through.??

I “too often” bowed to authority or experience, and failed to listen to that magical voice that whispers to you from somewhere between your head and hour heart, intuition.? Intuition is magical.? I’m not advocating for ignoring advice and data. I'm a Daniel Kahneman 'Thinking Fast and Slow' and Dan Arielly (Predictably Irrational) chief advocate.? Quite the contrary:? seek data, logic, challenge.? But know your intuition is honed by tens of thousands of years of experience and the unique perspective of your senses … and it deserves its voice.

Now for a specific mistake. My most notable accomplishment at Procter & Gamble early in my career was the turnaround of Old Spice Deodorant, a brand that still connects many parents and students in a completely paradoxically different view of what the brand stands for (for older parents it is a whistling sailor vs for you it is a shirtless man on horseback).

Well after that turnaround of old spice from loser to winner,? I took over a new brand that was months away from introduction at P&G. I was the new guy in charge of this amazing initiative called Ivory Moisture Care. It was certain to become the powerful competitor to the already wildly successful, Dove.

But shortly after becoming the brand manager and reviewing the data, I thought the product wasn’t ready to launch.? It wasn’t better than Dove in tests where people used it (tests in which the brands themselves were hidden).? And my company didn’t do well with “parity products”.?

I was objective, I thought, in large part because I was new.? I had the newcomers advantage, as I call it.?

(Remember the newcomer’s advantage is when you start your job soon.? Though you might feel naive and lacking capability because all the old timers know everything, you have an advantage:? you’re not married to anything but your mind and intuition. Now don’t go around telling people they’re wrong left and right, but listen hard and speak up when things don’t make sense.)

I did just that in my new role.? I raised my concerns with my boss, my boss’s boss and even the future CEO. I listened carefully as each one gave me their opinion that we WERE, in fact, ready for launch.? But my fresh review of the data combined with my intuition? told me? they were wrong.? Despite the fact that they were above me organizationally, at P&G the brand manager has the authority to make such decisions.??

In the end I gave in to their experience.? “Launch it.” I decided. It was a safe choice. A comfortable place to be.? Rather than standing alone I joined the herd, a powerful herd. ? As was often the case early in my life and career, I didn’t stand up for my convictions.??

That mistake made the company lose over $30 Million three months.? And it was 100 percent my fault.??

It was a great way to learn a lesson.? I hope you learn from this story today or in some other way that is more affordable.? I learned to study, ask, and listen.? To trust myself. Now I listen to my intuition.? I value others' opinions.? But I’m not afraid to stand alone.??

In many other cases, I often negotiated hard,? then settled for mediocrity.? I debated … to a tie.? I challenged things as I should have … but backed off out of fear or because the conversation got uncomfortable.? I opened the door to opportunity but lacked the conviction to run through it before it closed.??

Once later in my career in another company, I felt strongly about something big.? But because I didn’t rally my own conviction, I lost an opportunity that could have probably tripled the value of my business.??

About conviction, sometimes you have conviction, and sometimes you don’t.? I learned that if you're intuition tells you you’re right, but you still lack conviction, you’re often afraid of risks.? So focus on managing risks.? You’ll build your conviction. And, sometimes, when your conviction is elusive, but you feel strongly that it's right ... go for it. This is a leap of faith moment. They come. You might be wrong. Be able to take the consequences, but go for it if you possibly can.

Another mistake was that I talked about diversity, equity, and inclusion like a brilliant innovator and social leader.? I joined the diversity councils at companies like GE.??

But in hindsight I didn’t learn enough about the marginalized groups I sought to help. And until George Floyd’s murder I did very little to make a difference.? I’ve changed that, but I’ve also learned not to be superficial in things that are important. Be a student and become an expert in what is important in your life.? DE&I is important in every life.

When I think about it, I stepped back too many times in my life, out of fear. I literally had to wear a neck brace as I let imposter syndrome take over my life not long after I graduated from Hendrix.??

In fact I am lucky I didn’t flunk out of Harvard (where I am on the board now) my first year at business school. I didn’t have the courage to speak up and be wrong. That would have allowed me to learn that my comments were fine, even good. I should have gotten therapy. Since then I have learned to focus on the fact that no matter where you are, no matter who you’re with, you, and I mean each one of you, can make an impact, just by showing up.? Always show up.

Please don’t make the mistake of having untreated imposter syndrome in your future … because I made that mistake sufficiently for all of us, including you. And one day if you do catch that disease, reach out to a therapist or to me and we’ll be sure you cure it.

Maybe the worst of all my mistakes is that I modeled mediocrity sometimes for my three wonderful kids (Anderson, Blair, and Conner), my friends, my co-workers and others who looked up to me?as I did all those things I described before and so many more.??

But before I continue too long with my mistakes, let me move onto the positive, the good news.? This next part is the key.? So take note.

None of my mistakes bother me.? In fact, I’m SO thankful I made them.? If I had the chance to go back in time,? I’d do things very differently . But that’s not how life and time work.? You have to learn from your past, not regret or relive it.? It’s over.? But the learning and adaptation can begin immediately.

So what are some things I’ve learned that might be helpful for you???

First, I learned a valuable lesson from my mom when I was just a kid.? My dad left my mom and siblings one Christmas Eve with just a goodbye note.

My mom, who was a first grade teacher, fell apart over the next few years.? She had four car wrecks and a nervous breakdown.? She came home and many nights would talk to me about what she’d done wrong: ? with her students, with her principal, Mrs Nichols, and in her marriage.? (I suspect she did the same with my wonderful siblings.)

I finally told her during one talk that she just needed to imagine herself standing on a beach (I’d never been to one at that point, but had fantasized about them).? “Pick up a long stick and drag it behind you to create a line right behind your heels,” I said?

Everything behind that line is only to learn from.? Not to regret.? Your whole life is in front of that line.?

Thanks to mom I learned the importance and value of doing just that … and I learned it SO young. That simple principle has enabled me to make all these huge and small mistakes, which I’ve talked about today and so many more but view them as investments in the future. I don’t regret any of them … though P&G certainly made a big investment in my “learning to listen to my intuition” ($30 million to be exact)! I have this recurring nightmare that I get an invoice in the mail asking for repayment!

Listen to, respect and learn from others, but listen hard to to that inner voice we all have and defend it.? If you learn to do that a little better today because of me, we will get a better return on P&G’s $30 million investment!

I’ve also seen the power of listening, really listening, when it hurts to hear it. Usually it hurts because you’ve been wrong.? And in my case I’ve learned things that I’ve been wrong about all my life in many cases.? Recently.? And I am sure I’ll learn more.? Remember to stay flexible and don't become dogmatic. Being stubbornly fixed on your own point of view is a disease all of us have from time to time, but it's amazing how really listening to others changes or at least tempers your view. I haven't always done that enough, and I still catch myself making that mistake today.

And the word of the year according to Forbes and other well regarded organizations recently was “empathy”.

I can see why. We are all unique, empathy is vital.? And we need to employ it all the time.? But I’ve learned that it’s useless without listening, and learning from those you want to empathize with … because you don’t know how to empathize and too often you simply hurt those you seek to console.

Now let’s talk about the allure of success. I’ve learned that like failure, success is useful for what you learn from it.? Examine the series of steps that got you there and how you handled the outcome when things worked.? And try to see how things could have been even better.? This is gold.

But one day soon I hope you’ll drop the words Success and Failure from your active vocabularies, replacing them with learning.? Success can be a trap, it can make you mediocre, as you unconsciously strive to protect your reputation, avoid making mistakes, become less daring and less innovative, even over-minimize risk and … in the end you just stop transforming, improving.

Failure, on the other hand, is also a label on the past that’s unnecessary. Things that don’t work like my product launch are (albeit sometimes expensive) treasure chests of learning.? Things that don’t work are also magical cures over confidence.

Both success and failure are words that add no value looking backward. Just leave the labels behind and bring the learning forward into the future.

And I’ve seen, thanks to my mom, that you CAN draw a line behind your heels at any moment in your life and start over.

Become something and someone different, as you realize the world has changed and … so have you..

But most important of all I have seen the potential each human being has … and every organization.?

Every single person can change the world.? You can …and you will.?

So my final learning is to live your life with BIG dreams and SMALL acts of kindness.

Have goals. Think big in your personal goals. ? Even if you are not sure about what you want to be yet, set a broad direction.? I often tell the story of two students who are trying to decide where they want to live.

One climbs in the car and takes off.? No goal because he wasn’t sure. So he drives and stops and drives. The scenery is beautiful albeit similar.? At the end of two weeks he discovers he has driven from Conway, Arkansas, to Little Rock to Pine Bluff and on over to hot springs and then into Missouri to Joplin. Two weeks are up.

The second student doesn’t know where she wants to go either.? But she thinks, maybe I'd like to go to San Francisco. She doesn’t feel a lot of conviction, but she thinks she will get started.

She drives through the plains of Oklahoma. Sees the majestic peaks of the Rockies.? And encounters the beautiful palm desert in full bloom.? She gets to San Francisco and after a day decides it’s not for her. But she did stop in this little town called Santa Fe that was amazing. It’s been just nine days.? She has time to drive back and explore Santa Fe.

I like this analogy because when you set your goals or dreams you might not be sure and you might change them. But by having them you see more things to love and learn on the way and perhaps discover new dreams, new careers.

Another thing about personal life goals… you will discover that your goals will unlock your potential.? Set them too modestly and you self limit your potential. Set them high … higher than you think you can achieve.? You might not achieve them all, but you’ll probably find a lot of Santa Fe’s along the way.? Reset your dreams regularly as you change.

Think big and small. Know that every human being matters.? Every interaction is an opportunity to be kind.? Don’t waste that.? You’ll change thousands of lives one interaction at a time … just by being kind.

To close, I’ve seen myself too often not think big enough or push hard enough to reach the stars. Or I was afraid of to dream for fear of failing.?

But I am going to commit something to each one of you.? Right here and right now.? It’s a two way deal if you’ll take it.?

Today that’s over.?

No dream is too big.? No goal is too ambitious.? No principle too high.? Not for me.? And if you join me now … Not For you.

Let’s go for it.? Every day.? On Everything that really matters.? We won’t gamble.? We WILL build others. We will keep learning and build ourselves.? And we will not settle for less than the greatness we can all be, starting with ourselves .? And then as the opportunities arise we will unlock the potential of others by sponsoring, teaching, lending, inspiring, mentoring, listening, believing in them one at a time.

I promise you.

I’m done holding back.? Being afraid. Or just settling for good enough.??

I’m starting my life over.

Today.

Right now.? I’m Living ALL in.

Let’s do this together when we leave today..??

You … and me.