Commemorating Divorce

Celebrating One’s Independence Day

by Michael Heath

A relatively recent cultural trend has been in recognizing a marriage’s end by throwing a party. This salute to what is basically a tragedy seems by many to be a tasteless effort. Such disapproval has not dissuaded some from sending invitations to a social gathering resembling a bridal shower or engagement party. Divorce celebrations in different forms do happen.

Is Divorce Ever a Reason to Party?

Even though divorce celebrations are real, there does not appear to be much of an upward movement for this inelegant custom. Marking the end of a marriage with the same glee as a fun holiday is like celebrating the closing of a failed business or making light of a deceased relative. Children, young or old, can be easily upset when a parent toasts the dismantling of the family unit. Those close to the former nuclear family can also feel unsettled by such irreverent display.

There is no question that divorce is often necessary for people to once again enjoy happiness and freedom. But there was a time when the wedded union held promise of a long togetherness; there were dreams of building a life with a special person. Then something happened. It may have been one big thing or many little things. Whatever it was, the end of a marital union is tragic. That is the way it should be viewed. Throwing a party to celebrate a divorce not only mocks one’s marriage but disrespects the institution of marriage itself. Such self-righteous celebration projects a declaration that the failed marriage was all the ex’s fault. Incidences where one spouse was all right and the other all wrong are extremely rare if they exist at all.

Divorceaversary? Really?

Another “independence day” is one of a personal nature. It has to do with people recognizing with a special event the day their divorce was finalized. Some observe the milestone with a joyful gathering of friends and family that may include a divorce cake or the spectacle of incinerating the marriage certificate. A shirt is available for purchase online that announces Happy Independence, Divorce Decree Day! Some travel agents have climbed onto the band wagon with special vacation packages customized for the newly unmarried and those marking the annual event. There are party planners specializing in helping people wanting to commemorate their “rebirth” with a one-time event or annual “divorceaversary.”

Time to Move On

When a divorce is finalized, a spouse may feel the need to relax with friends or take a trip to help recuperate from the difficult, life-changing event. Such a decision may be recommended, but only if it is treated as therapeutic rather than celebratory. Time should give spouses the wisdom to know that it usually takes two to destroy a marriage. A transformative event like divorce should be seen as a learning experience, but never a reason to lead a conga line. ??

?