Coming Out, Going Within, Overcoming Dissociation After 25+ Years of Being Closeted

This is the seventh article of the series: "Coming Out, Going Within." Published with LinkedIn Articles and Medium.

Learn More about "Coming Out, Going Within": I think we can all agree that the queer / LGBTQIA+ community needs more resources for our self-healing and spirituality. And ways to communicate our lived experiences and truth. Coming Out, Going Within chronicles my journey toward self-love as a newly out bi-racial gay / queer woman. I share my day-to-day life not just as a personal journey, but also as a communication coach and cultural storyteller. I hope with this series, I can hold open a space for the LGBTQIA+ community–and all of my intersections as BIPoC, API, womxn, Jewish, and neurodivergent–to grow toward wholeness and success. Please join me in my storytelling, and feel free to share your own story in comments.

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My whole life, I didn't know that I wasn't there. I had a career where I was starting to really thrive. Seemingly, I was in a happy, longterm relationship. And I had performed as a lead singer and spent my free time as a writer. I worked and worked. I gathered degrees, publications, speaking events. And performances. My CV was stacked. And I did it hoping I would look in the mirror one day and I would be there. Or I had arrived. But I never showed up. I realized after I came out that I had been dissociated. For as long as I could remember. And I didn't even know what it meant to be there. Dissociation is defined by Webmd.com as:

"a break in how your mind handles information. You may feel disconnected from your thoughts, feelings, memories, and surroundings. It can affect your sense of identity and your perception of time."

I am learning now how to be present. Not that I do that 100%. But I am doing it more and more. So much so, it becomes glaringly apparent when I am dissociated. I'm recognizing how much it is worth to show up. Not to show up as the person I think others want me to be. But to show up as me.

Since I came out, I have been doing things differently. I've been trying to only take on projects that I can stand behind wholeheartedly. And that give me the respect and space to maintain my wellbeing. So I can hold open the space to experience them. And to grow into who I really am. And so I can enjoy my time with my loved ones. And also so I can be there with them. And for them.

Thank you for reading this. And for being my confidantes and community. I feel I have learned so much about myself. My process of coaching speech. And how I can integrate my coming out and the sensitivity I've gained. All through these articles in the "Coming Out, Going Within" series.

To be continued...

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Dr. Shannon Wong Lerner portrait, Taken by Matthew Gordon

BIO: As a longstanding multicultural coach & thought leader who brings full-service, high-level communication courses to diverse clientele – Dr. Wong Lerner is a ??!

She has 20+ years of academic and industry experience.

Across several Fortune 500 companies, engineering and Ivy League universities, non-profit organizations, and U.S. and international government entities.

Her clients have remarkably high success rates as professionals, entrepreneurs, public speakers, and presenters.

Dr. Shannon also works as a keynote speaker and provides trainings on a variety of different subjects between DEI and communication.

As a queer API coach, she meets you from your unique starting place. To better support you as women, BIPOC, WOC, non-native speakers, nontraditional learners, allies, & LGBTQIA+ talent. Inclusive of genderqueer, non-binary, & trans individuals. Dr. Shannon specializes in helping her clients tell their coming out stories at their place of work and as business owners or public figures. She curates her content not just as an expert in her field. But as vulnerable and intimately bound to her topics, to open up spaces for others to speak as their authentic selves.

Dr. Shannon uses a whole-person, holistic method for all and any speaking situation that considers:

WHO you are

WHERE you come from

HOW you orient and identify

HOW you process information

and HOW you sound as a communicator.

So you don't sound like a version of someone else. But you sound like a better version of yourself.

To help others with their personal brand storytelling to host your own podcast and write your own content to level up, attract new employers and clientele — she enjoys hosting: The Intersection: Diverse Folx Converse, eFEMeral: Voice Matters, and Queer Home Meditation. 

**"Coming Out. Going Within" started as the LGBTQIA+ meditation project, Queer Home Meditation, as a private Facebook group airing on Facebook Live. Intermittently, QHM videos are shared to LinkedIn Events and YouTube.

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Services: If you are interested in working with a communication coach who values and understands your lived experience, feel free to reach out on LinkedIn through DM. Speak Your Way to Success is Dr. Wong Lerner's signature program that includes everything you need to become a better communicator in just 3 months. Learn public speaking, personal brand storytelling, intercultural communication, rhetoric and critical thinking, and gain many personal resources. The program is catered to your needs and individualized with supplementary materials and group support. We have spots available and are taking on new clients now.