Coming Out!

As far back as I can remember, there have always been two Me!

We all have a voice within that talks to us, counsels us, cautions us, counters us, empathizes with us- all like a trusted good friend. Only in my case, they are plural! At the risk of sounding seriously bi-polar, I must admit that there are two Me that talk to me!

Now before I start sounding demented like a particular God-man in the viral video doing rounds on WhatsApp forwards et al, I must take you down memory lane.

Whether it was a 9 year old Me, being scolded by Ms. Theresa, my class teacher, for my incomprehensible writing, sullenly singing ‘Yeh laal rang kab mujhe chhodega’ to the red scratches in my note book; or when it was a more melancholic Me, being chided by elders for not being a first ranker in my class, silently singing ‘Koi hota jisko hum apna keh lete yaaron’; or it was a salesperson Me, loudly singing ‘Musafir hoon yaaron, na ghar hai na thikaana’ as I went around on sales calls on my bike across changing landscapes- be it sun,wind or rain; or when it was a 29 year old Me stepping in front of an international audience on my first day in Dubai, gently humming ‘Ruk jaana nahin tu kahin haarke’ – I have always had these 2 inner voices – one a calm quiet Me, the other a boisterous FILMY Me & considering that I have always spoken to myself in songs & in movie dialogues, found similes in movie characters & meaning in movie scripts, it is easy to guess, which inner Me almost always took over.

Growing up in times when Cinema was one of the most emphatic influencers, I found myself out of sync with my age group; reason being- my absolute adulation for Rajesh Khanna. RK was by now a has-been & ‘saara zamaana’ was now AB- Amitabh Bachchan ka ‘Deewana’ – but then ‘Kuch toh log kehenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna’, I still idolized Rajesh Khanna, admired by my parents & their friends- a demographic I got along with much better than my own pimple speckled lot. If Rajesh Khanna was the Supreme Lord, the other Gods - Jeetendra, Dharmendra, Vinod Khanna and the characters played out by them on the silver screen started to influence my budding beliefs & value system. Accompanying my parents as they viewed their perennial favourite movies - Black and white classics starring Raj Kapoor, Nargis and Dev Anand, I developed an interest in the medium, be it 70 mm or 35 mm. And as it happens with a preferred hobby, it began to teach me life lessons- Cinema became a learning ground for me.

It grew hand in hand- the knowledge of singers, actors, directors, lyrics, lyricists, musicians- everything to do with the craft & an implicit belief that the movies taught me about art, sociology & philosophy, & in some bits, human psychology- By 15, I was a bonafide Cinephile. The day I challenged my dad, when he mistook actress Nimmi for some other actress, I certified myself FILMY in my own head.

 As I grew up, I was faced with the most difficult choice in life – choosing a career stream out of a plethora of the most sought-after professions – a Doctor or an Engineer. I am sure, if you belong to my era, you can relate to the complexity of this career choice. The FILMY me, squirmed under the burden of so many layers, but could only watch, after all…… 'Aise Jeevan bhi hain, jo jiye hi nahin, jinkon jeene se pehle hi maut aa gayee, phool aise bhi hain jo khile hi nahin, jinkon khilne se pehle khizaan kha gayee’

My pursuit of a career in medicine fell out, literally & figuratively, as I realized, that my hands shivered the moment I was required to put them to precision work [the famous curse of Karna from Mahabharat], so, I chose to be an Engineer [Coming from a family of engineers – as if I had a lot of choice], and followed it with a Post-graduation in Management. The FILMY me, managed to make some guest appearances, however this time only in the extracurricular domain.

Then started the roller coaster ride of my professional journey. From selling capital goods, to engineering consumables, to selling training solutions to curating content and creating learning solutions, to facilitating workshops, performance coaching, to managing the India business of an MNC in the domain of Talent Consulting– 20 years of adventurous ebb & flow. My attire changed, from my preferred jacket, jeans and boots to the quintessential corporate garb – formal suits, light shirts, sedate ties. However, my hair and my boots, still remained unchanged- a constant reminder of the Filmy Me that lurked inside.

Yaadon Ki Baarat, is a famous movie directed and produced by Nasir Hussain, released in 1973- In its initial scenes, it portrays a young, 14-year-old boy, orphaned & separated from his two younger brothers, all alone, fending for himself. Hungry, when he requests people around for food, he is turned away and rebuked. He then meets a street-smart urchin who urges him to snatch rather than ask! So, this boy brought up with the right values and morals, changes his world view, snatches some food from a shop. Pursued by the shopkeeper amidst cries of ‘chor – chor’, he runs to save his life and finally perches his hands on the railing of a railway over-bridge, while panting for breath - he bites into his food and blankly looks at the train passing beneath. The camera moves its focus from the face of the boy onto the shoes and then the train passing underneath. In the next shot, the camera pans back, from the train to the shoes on the over-bridge – now, the shoes are bigger in size - as the camera moves upwards – the boy has grown- it is a handsome Dharmendra standing on the bridge, his hands perched on the same railing and the same look in his eyes as he watches the train pass by. The boy has grown into a man, doing the same thing for 20 years, his world has not changed, his emptiness still remains. These are my 20 years, a boy has grown into a man, business meetings remain, business presentations remain, but some emptiness still remains.

As I catch my breath after so many years– my ‘hands perched on the railing- watching the train go by’ moment, I decided to bring the FILMY Me out. I decided to share how I manifest movies in my everyday professional life, or how I often see my professional world in movies; and to add another dimension to my career and do what I enjoy most – sharing stories. And these are not just stories, these are meaningful metaphors, drawn out of the wondrous world of songs, dialogues & scripts that help us relate to, reinforce, or enhance recollection of some important fundamentals in our professional world.

I intend to share this every alternate Friday. Friday – because it is the traditional Box office opening. I sincerely hope, you enjoy this attempt to add fun to learning.

Come along, it is a Matinee show and promise you, it will definitely have a lot of Masala!

Welcome to the Mattinee Masala Mettaphor (M3)