Coming from a Place of Yes

Meet my friend and colleague Nichelle. She holds an advanced degree in Physics. She runs an international manufacturing, logistics and service operation for a high tech company. She is a professional photographer. and a certified florist. She organized a group to build a school in Kenya for children who needed one. She has completed multiple marathons, triathalons, and other endurance races. Most people would be happy with this list of accomplishments as an obituary.  Nichelle is 30…ish.

You may wonder why I chose this picture for this piece. I have lots of pictures of her from all over the world but this one demonstrates something I have learned from Nichelle and something I hope to share with you. You see, Nichelle is afraid of heights. I am not talking about a a mild discomfort but a terror that manifests itself in physical symptoms, numbness, paralysis. You might notice the quasi death grip she has on the table as she leans forward to take a picture of the view from the tallest building in the city we were in that day. 

When I suggested that we go to the 51st floor bar for a drink, she accepted without hesitation. The ride up in the glass elevator attached to the outside of the building was a little dicey as the aforementioned symptoms showed up as if on cue, but there was no discussion of turning back. Once we were settled, she entertained me with stories of when she went bungee jumping…. yes bungee jumping… from a bridge in South Africa.

Nichelle is always ready to try the new thing, to learn something new, to meet someone. In these interactions she is always focused on how great things can be. She never wastes energy wondering what can go wrong.  She calls it “Coming from a Place of Yes”. I call it being ready to have a great life.

I have also been with Nichelle in some very frustrating, tedious and exhausting business situations, but she hardly appears to notice the difficulty. She stays calm, focused and looking for the positive, humorous side of things. This is the attitude and behavior that not only makes everything more pleasant, but it also builds success. Of course, Nichelle is human and I have heard her complain and vent, but she doesn’t live there. She only stops by when needed or to make a point.

I know her well enough to know that she doesn’t always get what she wants, that she has had her disappointments and trials, and she can get just as frustrated as anyone. But the negative things do not define her. She is pretty much always moving forward.

Nichelle is always ready to have a great life, but more importantly, she is always ready to say yes to whatever is necessary to have a great life. She will put in the work, overcome a limitation, find a way around an obstacle, learn a new skill, ask for help.  She does not wait around for a great life to happen to her.

And then there’s me.  I’m well… let’s call it… focused. Whatever I am doing now becomes the most important Thing in the world.  When I am doing that Thing it’s pretty easy for me to drop into a routine the looks like this.  

1. Work on the Thing and,
2. Think about the Thing while resting from working on the Thing.
3. Repeat.

Please note that this behavior has nothing to do with importance or value of the Thing I am doing right now. I have always been this way, but it can get in the way of having a great life. 

For example, I once nearly missed going on Safari in Africa because I needed to catch up on my email. That might  a little too focused. 

Focusing on the the Thing is sort of like coming from a place of No. No I can’t go get dinner. No I don’t want to learn to play mahjong. No I can’t go see the band. I got stuff to do. I have to work on the Thing. 

Clearly Nichelle’s example shows that focusing on the Thing is not necessarily the key to success. She has had plenty of success. In fact, maybe if I spend more time in a place of yes, I will actually be able to do the Thing better.

I think I’ll work on coming from a place of yes. I'll try being more in the here and now and take the opportunities I have. Maybe the Thing can wait... a little. Maybe I can make the time to be ready for a greater life. 

Thank you Nichelle