Comfortably Fragile

All our lift we seek to be comfortable and have a stable life. The objects of our desire, ironically, become the reason for our fragility and ultimate downfall.

An Ordinary Moment

Sometimes, a seemingly insignificant, innocuous moment has a massive impact on us, possibly even altering the course of our life completely. For me, such a moment was watching footage of Michael Jordon flying in to win the 1987 slam dunk contest, arguably the "best slam dunk contest of all time" (see image below, from the SportingFerret.com). For 15-year-old me, it was the beginning of a dream, to be like Mike.

From that moment on, basketball ruled my life. The vision of playing in the NBA alongside my heroes firmly embedded in my subconscious. The rest were details. It did not matter I had a bad knee and a vertebral compression fracture due to a car accident. Dreams are meant to be impossible. That dream pushed me out of my comfort zone. Upon graduating, the vision gave me the courage to turn down what at the time was a very lucrative job offer and follow up on my dream in the US. There was no uncertainty. My belief was unshakeable. Even though no one outside my immediate family quite believed me, and almost everyone who heard about it wanted to go out of their way to dissuade me. The more they said I could not do it, the stronger my belief became. I was Antifragile.

The beauty of youth and love is they are both Antifragile. The more each is denied something, the stronger it becomes. Of course, you need to have the right foundation for it. But then, we grow old.

I remember sitting in a lecture on biomechanics class and having a conversation with myself about how being a professional basketball player was extremely unlikely to happen. I had torn my ACL the year before and my knee was never quite the same. The vision from my life was gone. What came after that was uncertainty. I knew what to do, but not really why to do it. Money wasn’t the motivating factor for me, so I was left to seek out my reasons, my purpose for existence.

Drifting in Comfort

However, there is an inherent comfort in the day-to-day. You drift along rather than chart your course. And so, I drifted. A fog engulfed my road, and rather than turn on the lights, I was happy to stay put. Rather than seek thoroughly, I got comfortable. Rather than push myself, I started to settle. Rather than go after the things I wanted, I talked myself out of the risk and the hard work. And in the blink of an eye, five years had passed. I hadn’t moved an inch. Correction, I was going around in circles and was at the same place where I started, or so it felt.

Comfort makes us fragile. The more comfortable we are, the more we are vulnerable we are to chaos within our life. For me, that comfort kept me unhappy, underachieving, uninspired for five years.

Life is uncertain. It is part of what makes it fun. My problem came from trying to avoid the uncertainty. I finally made my peace with the uncertainty after I listed my values, my code of honor, and my passion in life. The trouble with me was, I had buried my true self, my desires, my dreams, under multiple layers. So, it took a while to list out, look me in the eyes, and accept the things I wanted. Perhaps wary of what people will think or wary of the risk inherent in my dreams, I felt safer conforming myself to the view I thought the world would like of me rather than dictate the view I wanted the world to have of me.

Journey Within

So, if could give you only one advice to begin the journey inwards, to be Antifragile, start with your sense of Self. Answer these questions: To counter that uncertainty, we need to have a strong sense of self:

1. Who are you?
2. What do you want?
3. Why do you want it?

When I did this exercise for myself, I was amazed to see how much of myself I chose to censor. I was surprised to see the transformation of wanting to excel at being myself again, being transformed into a 15-year-old with a dream.

Your answers might surprise you as well. And if they do, please do share by commenting below. If I can help you on your journey in any way, please drop me a line.