Be comfortable with the uncomfortable

Karen picked up her 11 year-old daughter Sandra from her usual ice skating lessons. On her drive home she asked Sandra how the lesson went. “Ok, I didn’t fall over one time”, her daughter said. “Is that it?” asked Karen. Apparently it was. Karen quickly turned the car around and headed back to the skating rink. Karen took the ice-skating coach aside. “Sandra is passionate about ice-skating. You and I agreed that she has clearly visible talent to become perhaps one day a great ice-skater. I want you to demonstrate to Sandra her potential and to encourage her to take risks and learn by stretching her capabilities. I want you to give feedback on how to do better. I want her to enjoy ice-skating.”

The coach got an important lesson in leadership. Leadership is about demonstrating to people their talent, worth and potential so clearly that they are inspired to see it in themselves and speak up, step up and stand up to make a difference to the fullest potential. In other words, leadership is not about keeping people in their comfort zone and protect them from mistakes.

When reading contemporary books and posts on social media it seems there is an ever-increasing expectations that life should be easy and you can become anything with as little effort as possible. Technology is seen as the big hope to make our lives comfortable and stress free. Instant gratification seems to be only fingertip away. ?

Yet, too little discomfort leaves us unable to face even the simplest hurdles in life. By removing healthy adversity, conflict and challenge, people struggle even more. We stick to what we are, we know, what we have always done. Even worse, over time it results into atrophy, ... we develop backwards. Instead of investing into learning and developing we invest our energy into looking smart and validating our limiting self-concept.

Discomfort, disturbances, and struggle are the very things that make us strong and capable of facing our environment. Professional athletes know that and stretch themselves to their limits in order to build up their mental, physical and emotional batteries.

Discomfort and pain are not signal for you to stop or even avoid the activity, they show you that you are growing and learning.

The science of human flourishing confirmed those insights many decades ago. Only if we set ambitious challenges that require our skills to the fullest, we enjoy fulfillment, we are in a state of flow. We are fully absorbed by the task and while we are fully engaged we perform to the best of our potential.

Our educational systems and business corporations often times suggests otherwise. In many school grading and business performance management systems we are measured by the numbers of mistakes. In other words, we are rewarded for not making mistakes - and not for breakthrough ideas that make a real difference for the world and the people around us. At home many helicopter parents try hard to protect their children from any hardship. As a consequence we learn early on it is better to sugercoat problems, to conform, to follow the flow, to avoid risks, to replicate the past through best practices and pretend everything is perfect.

In a world of disruption and constant change in which the half time of knowledge is constantly decreasing “playing not to lose” is the perfect recipe for falling behind. More than ever it is paramount that we play to win by:

• Thinking big and disruptive
• Stretching yourself and others, taking smart risks
• Unlearning, relearning and adjusting fast.

Constantly ask yourself two questions:

• “What else can I do to get this priority done?”
• “What can I learn from it and do differently next time?”

Or as the Bulgarian World Champion in weightlifting was asked by a reporter: “if you train and lift a weight ten times, which of the ten repetitions is the most important?“ and he replied: “the eleventh!“.

In the additional repetition, in the repetition, which seemingly does not work anymore, lies the biggest growth potential. It is those people and organizations that are never satisfied with the status quo, those who challenge their own beliefs, that stay ahead of the curve and bring true breakthrough innovation and progress into the world.

Stretch yourself and others. It is not only good for your customers, for your business, but also for the individual.