Comfort in the ENTJ

Myers-Briggs says that I am an 'Extroverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judger'. There are so many various articles that break down this personality type, but the gist of them all indicate that I'm driven towards achievement, revel in "to-do" lists (particularly in completing them) and that my comfort zone is being in a place of forward momentum - any procrastination or wasting of time does not sit well. Burnout is likely if I'm not careful. In sum, it was nice hearing that this personality-type are 'born leaders' and 'enjoy social interaction', but some of the language suggested that we are distant from our emotions, can be condescending, unforgiving, arrogant, ruthless and, in essence, need to calm down (cue, Taylor Swift)..

There have been several occasions where I have been given pause to think of how I come across to others and whether this is in complete contradiction to how it all plays out in my mind where I see that I am driven, but not in a domineering way. That I'm a 'why wait to do it later when you can do it now' person, but sensitive to those that run at their own speed. I like to do things my way, but appreciate a team effort. The list goes on. But again, is this actually translating to others?

There was a time in law school when a friend of mine in my year confessed that she was surprised at how nice I was. Before getting to know me, she said that I had a RBF (google it) and thought my personality would match. I was in complete shock and felt horrible. In fairness, that was not the only time I was told this. So, this has led to several glances in the mirror since then and, thanks to Zoom, I continue to keep myself in check (smile!). I can't even count the number of times that I've been told that I am 'intense' or 'need to relax' or 'breath'. I was told this yesterday, in fact. If I tally all of this commentary, I've concluded that there may be something to it, not all of it entirely, but I'm not going to disagree. But I'm also not going to apologize either. Because, I've also done a lot of that.

But I've decided I'm not going to apologize anymore. I should apologize if I hurt someone's feelings or if I do something that is inarguably wrong, offensive, etc., but I will not apologize for what is inherently built within my nature, my disposition, my personality, my comfort zone. If the joy and comfort that I get from lists, deadlines, high-intensity, etc. comes off to others as a signal that I need to calm down, relax, breathe, I will respect their opinion. What I will no longer do is take this as a cue to change in as much as me telling someone who is more laid back, relaxed, slower-paced that they need to shift into a higher gear. We just need to change the mindset that ALL individuals with a propensity to go!go!go! are somehow one heartbeat away from a heart attack or are incapable of relaxing (in their own way). Unfortunately, the extreme cases will always cast a shadow over those that can find balance, even if it's not in the way others expect or understand.

This lesson rang true the other day when my eldest told me that kids in her grade think she's strange because she'd rather write an essay than go to recess. When probed further, she just said that she likes to go outside and play, of course, but that she just finds joy in writing than in the recess the school provides. My reply: "Allison, do not let anyone make you feel that you should conform to anyone else's standard. If you want to write, you write." She is definitely cut from the same cloth and that's okay. I'm sure she'll end up taking a similar test that will define her traits and characteristics, but whatever the result, she should take comfort in whatever makes her tick, make no apologies, and just be. Maybe she'll learn this lesson a lot earlier than me.