Combining Empathy and Awareness for Positive Action

Negative thoughts, beliefs and feelings block so many people from taking impactful and exciting actions every day, and it is a real shame. We are missing out on hearing new voices, new ways of thinking, and improving the world for generations to come.

Some examples I encounter every day include the fact that there are now many creative ways available to buy your first home, speaker lists being created for diverse entrepreneurs to feature on (like the D-List created by Mel Selvon Ellyard and higher-paying jobs that are sitting ready - but I speak with people often who do not feel capable, good enough, or like the right person to take advantage of them.?

"A lot of the barriers lie in how we view and think about ourselves."

A lot of the barriers lie in how we view and think about ourselves. Many of our views are governed by factors beyond our immediate control, such as our subconscious beliefs and limitations in our cognitive processes. These factors can lead us to view ourselves negatively and make suboptimal decisions at home and work, such as not starting the habit of saving a deposit or avoiding speaking up in meetings.

Below I discuss why these frictions exist and provide a simple framework to help tackle these challenges.?

The Thief of Joy

Navigating our careers, family, and relationships can be challenging, and we often find ourselves questioning how to do it ‘right’. Many of us live in fear, shame, and comparison, and work toward fictitious timelines that are linked to the sickness of the body and poor mental health. This can affect our relationships, workplace, and finances, and can spiral out of control if left unaddressed.

When we want the things we do not have and compare ourselves to others, thinking the grass is greener, we leave ourselves vulnerable to unhappiness and indulge in coping mechanisms that are possibly unhelpful and foster bad habits.?

"Often we question ourselves as a result of comparing ourselves to others, forgetting we can only see that which is naked to the eye, not the truth underneath."

The psychological challenges we experience do not mean we are not good or intelligent enough; instead, they highlight our uniqueness and make us interesting - challenges of all forms present the experiential part of life. Often we question ourselves as a result of comparing ourselves to others, forgetting we can only see that which is naked to the eye, not the truth underneath. Our desires to be ‘normal’ and accepted can prevent us from taking action, making mistakes and learning or holding on to beliefs that do not serve us. Our brains are cognitively wired to take the easiest route, preserve energy and filter out ‘useless’ information - but this can mean making unhelpful decisions.

"Some cognitive researchers claim that the brain has to consume extra energy in the process of changing or rearranging beliefs and that simple neurological laziness—the tendency to conserve glucose and oxygen—predisposes the brain to keep the configurations it already has." - Karl Albrecht Ph.D.

How about viewing the frictions we experience when trying to save for a deposit, speak in public without our voices trembling, or announce a new business endeavour, as opportunities to learn something about ourselves and the world?

Why not use these small windows as beautiful educational insights?

The NIP Framework

This sounds very lovely, but doing this in practice requires a bit of work. An approach that works for many, is actively reframing our thoughts to start the process of building new positive habits. Below I share the NIP framework, a framework that helps you do just this.

The framework, based on cognitive behavioural therapy, helps to change the way we think and move away from being stuck in a negative cycle. It involves the following steps:

STEP 1 - Notice

First, we find a method of becoming aware of our current state. This includes what we think, feel, and are physically doing. This step takes time to develop. You can build up your self-awareness through meditation, psychometric tests and seeking feedback from people around you. You want to learn about your patterns of behaviours and responses - what do you find yourself always doing?

STEP 2 - Investigate

Next, we challenge ourselves and investigate what is going on to bring us to this state. Here, we need to look into the reasons for our thoughts and feelings and ask ourselves a selection of questions. One model that can help with this stage is the 5 Whys. The 5 Whys is a process that allows you to question the behaviour or thought and find options to prevent it from happening again. Below is a brief outline of this questioning process.

1. Start by identifying the problem/behaviour you want to investigate
2. Ask ‘why does this happen?’
3. Ask ‘why does (the answer to the prior question) happen?’
4. Continue repeating the above question three more times

Accessing deeper-rooted reasons allows you to identify actions you could take to prevent the thought/behaviour from occurring again, instead of simply solving the problem for today.

STEP 3 - Pivot

The final part of the NIP framework is to pivot. This requires us to create a new truth aligned with what we truly want. This may include what we would like to be experiencing right now, and how we would like to feel, and think. The Pivot step requires us to figure out how to get there and what needs to change for you to achieve those things. You will be combining the action identified above, in the investigate step, with a larger plan to support you in sustaining the change.

Final words:

We can all master our minds without the need to be emotionless, 100% efficient, or productivity-crazy. We can master our minds through self-empathy, and acceptance. This will allow us to work toward a more positive approach to life, the ability to show up in the world as we desire and take bold action.

If you enjoyed this article, please leave a comment and let me know - the feedback is appreciated!

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I'm Krystle McGilvery, a behavioural change and finance consultant. My work includes improving confidence and decision-making and financial optimisation. Visit?Mind Over Money?to find out more about my work with organisations. Or learn more about me?here.