Combatting 'Lockdown/Enforced Introversion'...

If you're new here, I've historically struggled with being extremely socially anxious and have been gradually working against that, documenting a lot of my learnings as I go.

So, with a Lockdown, WFH and communication mostly being limited to instant messaging; you'd think it would be an introvert's dream, right?

Well, 10 years ago, I would have loved it, but since actively working become more socially calibrated and confident, I truly believe that I've become more extroverted; I know what it is to miss social stimulation. It's a completely novel feeling for me!

So, how do we combat 'lockdown/enforced introversion'?

Well for me, it all comes back to being happy alone and satisfied with one's self. Without this firm grounding, it's difficult to then 'give' to others in social interactions. Being voided of social stimulation can cause you to go our seeking others to fill that void; which is not a good basis upon which to build relationships.

If you look after yourself: your health, your wellbeing and learn to fill time alone with stimulation, you remove that neediness. The best way I've found to do this is plan out my entire day, hour by hour, so there's always something I need to be doing - I simply don't have time to be bored/redundant.

If you can win that battle, you'll be well primed going forward.

The trap I've fallen into, however, is being too contented with myself - especially during Lockdown. It's so easy to just barricade myself away and avoid people.

I've since had to fight my way back out of that cocoon; to keep training those social muscles The best ways I've found of achieving this is:

1. Asking people I know how they're getting on and actually being interested in the response: During normal times, the response would often be 'fine', but during Lockdown, I've found that it's much more common for people to respond positively to this question and to actually open up about things going on in their lives; which has been refreshing.
2. Talking to Shop Assistants: This one I still struggle with, because a) the self-checkout option is sooo much easier and b) wearing a mask makes conversations difficult. However, I still try to think of a comment to make (one they hopefully haven't already heard 50 times that day!). Invariably, it invokes a small exchange, one that I wouldn't have had otherwise. Importantly, it keeps me in the habit of being rejected - which is a good thing. It keeps me in the mindset of trying and failing (because I rarely achieve my objective of befriending/building rapport with that person, rather it tends to die off and I usually feel somewhat that I've inconvenienced them). That doesn't matter though - I tried. That's what matters!
3. Staying consistently present online: This one isn't ideal, and I'll be the first to tell you social media isn't the place you wanted to be spending lots of time. However, we don't have much choice right now. I've started trying to consistently post to all five major sites, not just LinkedIn, once per week. YouTube's the only one I've struggled to achieve this with. Point is, it keeps you front of mind. It makes it hard for people to forget about you. It keeps people up to date with your story and your journey - so that, when they come to see you again in person, your existing rapport will still be mostly intact.

That's it!

Nothing groundbreaking, but hopefully someone out there will find this helpful ??.

One last thing, I'll say it here to help keep me accountable: I've actually set myself a target of filling 30 seconds per day with small talk with someone I'm not already familiar with. The beauty of this is that, if I have a work day filled with meetings, it forces me to actually engage with someone, instead of jumping straight into what I require of them (easy done with telemeetings!). If I have a quiet work day, well then I need to get out and speak to someone.

I literally set a timer for 30 seconds on my phone and make sure I fill it. 30 seconds may not sound like much, but you'd be surprised. I'm a massive advocate of consistency over immediate impact (think Hare and the Tortoise). I may actually stick with 30 seconds per day long term; which I hope will lead to me achieving my goal of becoming more engaging as a conversationalist.

I'm optimistic about the year we have ahead of us - can't wait to get my 30 seconds of small talk with you!

Side note: Check out this blog/forum for introverts. It's a great place to learn more about them and their way of seeing the world, if you're not one. You may even find that the past year has pushed you more into that direction...

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