Combating Bullies

As much as I have "armored up" as a good friend calls it, to prepare myself for bullies in the workplace and to guard against their behavior, it somehow happened again. I am dealing with a bully. How did this one slip in? How did it happen? I thought I was ready. I read every leadership blog, read books, scour articles and try my very best to put in to practice all that I learn about bullying behavior in the workplace and I still got one that I have to deal with. It all happened rather quietly. A kindly looking older gentleman saunters into the group. He doesn't look scary, on the contrary he appears rather scholarly. Retired from his position and looking for a place to get involved, he eventually appears more ready to serve and joins the Board of the organization. Quiet at first, interjecting here and there, but nothing unusual. However, after being part of the group for a while, his voice becomes a bit more noticeable in conversations and his opinion is peppered more into the conversation. His opinions are his own, not necessarily bad or good, but just ideas that make it into the dialog. As time goes on, he musters into meetings that he hasn't replied to, but insists that he has communicated that his presence will be seen. This often requires a bit of posturing on my side to ensure that he is welcomed and not made to feel uncomfortable at his lack of protocol. I'm good at this stuff. My job is to make everyone look good. Of course I am a behind the scenes person. I make sure that everyone is fed and comfortable. That everyone has a place to sit and a friend to sit with. I enjoy what I do and I don't mind making people feel comfortable, I actually love doing it especially for people who appreciate the gesture. However, this gentleman is the kind that always sees the odd side of something. He will find the tiniest element of something that perhaps didn't go perfectly, you know, the kind of thing that most people don't even notice. He of course will notice. Little by little these little notices become his mantra. He finds the wrong in every good deed, every good intent is somehow seen with an eye for an error. Sadly, I realize that this kind older gentleman is really not that nice at all. I want him to be. He looks the part, but down deep he has a persona to maintain and his bad ass image that has obviously gotten him this far in life, is what he wants to hold on to. When I was teaching young children years ago, I would tell them that they will be remembered. But do they want to be remembered for good or for bad. I think about this kindly looking old gentleman and I am sad to know that I will remember him for being a jerk. Now the incident that has brought me to the realization that I have a bully on my hands happened recently. I didn't call this person out individually, perhaps I should have. I chose to respond to the matter in a group format as to not point fingers or single anyone out. I pointed out the unprofessional situation that needed to be addressed. A simple apology would have sufficed. Yet, I realize, because I have had to deal with bullies before, that an apology would take guts. It would require the person who acted wrongly to take responsibility. It would mean that this person would have to acknowledge that they overstepped, that they might be wrong. However, as time goes by, I realize I am not going to get an apology. Oh no, the situation is escalating as we speak. The person who acted inappropriately is apparently being bolstered by his peers. I guess when you are in a league of your own you can do what you want. You can bully, you can ignore, you can run an organization any way you want. It's really up to you. I have often wondered what makes me especially vulnerable to bullies. It's happened before. Bullies in the workplace is as old as time. I promise myself that I am going to be ready the next time. But what I realize more and more are that bullies come in all sizes and shapes, male and female. I've dealt with them all. At the end of the day, I guess we can't ever be fully prepared to fend one off. Bullies will always have their buddies that will bolster their egos. I will do what I can going forward. One thing is for certain, that a bully won't get past me. I won't tolerate their behavior. I'll call it out when it interferes with my work. If your being a bully is more important to you than being kind, just remember, you're going to be remembered for something.